When Your Pastor Makes A Pass At You

The last few weeks, your pastor has been making not so subtle passes at you. He’s married too. But you keep pushing him off. What are you to? The last time you crossed paths with him was in the hallway that led to his study. With his smooth words, you almost fell for his charm. With his persistent persuasiveness, it is not getting easier for you to resist. As a divorcee for 2 years, the pressure to yield to his advances increases every time you see him. She had a problem that she needed counseling about and she had no other recourse but to see him.

The young lady scheduled her appointment through the church secretary. She told the church secretary about the pastor’s sexual advances towards her and requested that she stay. Earlier in the day, the pastor told the secretary that she could leave and pick up the children after the young lady arrived for counseling. Unbeknownst to the pastor, the young lady had a hidden tape recorder.

These days, these gadgets are great for surveillance and hidden recording. She didn’t want to ruin a wife’s marriage and be looked upon as a marriage/church wrecking mistress. She was more sanctified and dignified, and only wanted to please the Lord than herself. Though she was flattered by his attention and charm, she knew that what this pastor was doing was dead wrong.

The pastor concluded the counseling session by coming out from his desk to sit next to her. Like clock work, the charm came. The pastor made a move that she didn’t count on. He put his hand on her where it wasn’t supposed to be. She screamed and begged him not to proceed. Upon hearing her scream, the church secretary opened the door. Just in time.

By the way, the church secretary was also the pastor’s wife.

Not many stories end this way.

Sometimes, it does end in rape. There are many women that yield to these predators and expect nothing to happen. Many of them end up pregnant with their children. Many women that give these pastors what they want sometimes expects these men to walk away from their wives and marry them.

The sexual scandals that happen is a two way street.

In one local church, the pastor, somehow was able to persuade his associate pastor’s wife to the bedroom. And yes, she got pregnant and is seeking child support from this pastor. It is safe (and I could be wrong because stranger things have happened) to say that the associate pastor is no longer an associate pastor there.

What really stinks is the fact that this pastor followed the footsteps of David except that he didn’t kill his associate pastor and the child didn’t die.

Ladies, I know that it is the most difficult thing in the world to do.

Resist the smooth talking preacher.

Especially if he is having difficulty in his own marriage. Like I said, it is a two way street. You cannot give yourself as a sacrifice to a “mand of Gawd” that made up his mind to sin against God, you, his wife (kids), and himself (see 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Hebrews 13:4 is still in the Bible.

Read Ecclesiastes 8:11-13, too.

In the story, I gave some very basic tips.

Tip #1
Resist Temptation.

James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”

If you love Him, you will not sin against Him. If you want to be blessed, endure temptation according to 1 Corinthians 10:13. Temptation is only an offer. You can refuse to accept the offer no matter how good it is.

How do you refuse the offer?

James 4:7 says,

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

Your resistance comes out of a place of submission to God. You cannot resist if you do not submit to God. You have to fight every temptation from the place of honoring your Lord and the Word of God.

1 Peter 5:8-9a says,

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith.”

According to Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words, “sober” means, “to be free from the influence of intoxicants.”

The sinning pastor is already intoxicated with porn and self sex. This sinning pastor has moved up the ladder of level one sexual addiction and is lusting for further sexual satisfaction. He stalked you out as prey and you are next on his menu.

To be sober requires that you refuse to be intoxicated with the smooth, persuasive words of false preachers. It also requires that you “watch and pray that you fall not into temptation (see Matthew 26:41a). That’s what vigilance requires. That you pay attention to everything around you when you are around smooth talking false preachers.

Remember, women are deceived with words (see Genesis chapter 3.

Tip #2
Bring Company

When you schedule a time for counseling, go the extra mile. Invite another lady to go with you. This may eliminate clergy parishioner privilege unless a form is made and signed by any parties present to keep the subject under confidence. Demand that the door to his office remain open during the session. The pastor can excuse anyone in the area to leave so that confidence is maintained.

There must be a change of policy with pastors.

No male pastor should counsel a female alone, any where in the church. He should exercise due diligence and have qualified, competent staff female pastors available to handle the counseling of other females in the church. Request that you be counseled by a female staff pastor. If the pastor (because of bullheadedness) refuse to assign a female staff pastor, the next line of defense is preferred.

A hidden tape recorder.

Tip #3
Tell His Wife

If the pastor consistently press you for sex, or attempts to use words to suggest sex, it is sexual harassment. You must gain the courage to tell his wife, if he is married. You should also tell the elder ladies in the church that you trust. Women that are not busybodies and gossips. Women that is not a part of the problem of sexual situations in the church. If you are married, tell your husband. If you do not, the devil knows how to set you up and you will regret it.

Let me address “a part of the problem of sexual situations.” There are many women that will “protect” their pastor. The more I see women “protect” their pastor, if that pastor is genuine, there is nothing wrong with it, up to a point. It is when they see something but they do not say something that they are a part of the problem. And it is possible that they have crossed the line with that pastor and they, themselves, were victims of his sinful ways.

Tip #4

While this was not a part of the story, this is one tip that you must strongly consider.

Leave that local church and pastor. It is a matter of time before you will yield if you stay. The devil is only out to “steal, kill, and destroy” your life.

It is not worth it.

There are many women that became mistresses in the church and are marked for destruction by many former church members. While this is wrong (the hunting down of mistresses) we do not need to add drama to the situation. Just leave that local church and warn others.


There are many mistresses that will lie about genuine pastors to discredit them and their ministry.

It’s been done before.

However, if you are a legitimate pastor, if you have the proper safeguards in place, if you keep yourself and your marriage strong, no matter what the devil does, you will win. All liars will have their part in the lake of fire (see Revelation 21:8).

We can stop this madness in the church.

It takes addressing the full spectrum of the subtle traps of sexual immorality if we are to defeat the Goliath (sexual immorality in the church) of our times. Sexual immorality was a major problem in two of seven churches in the book of Revelation. As a result of their failure to deal a death blow to sexual immorality, their candlestick was removed. It was the will of God for those churches to remain in the earth.

However, they no longer exist.

Will the same be said of your local church?

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