Unmistakable Signs That Your Husband Is Watching Porn

There are unmistakable signs that your husband is watching porn.

Over the life of a relationship, you will have seen some things and behaviors that you’ve ignored or sup[pressed.

But now these signs have noticeably intensified.

It’s not necessarily in a specified order.

Sign number 1Secrets

Psalm 90:8 says “You have set our iniquities before You, Our secret sins in the light of Your countenance.” 

The Amplified Bible of this verse says “Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.”

A man must keep a secret when he is discreetly watching porn.


Because it is part of the game and it is embarrassing to him.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Whether it is physical adultery or sight adultery, the shame is the same.

For some reason, you’ve suspected something and you begin to inquire. The answers that he gives to you is defensive and evasive.

Immediately, he shifts the subject to avoid further questioning, or he is infuriated that you caught him. The questioning is an inquisition or an intense exhaustive investigation. To get the answer, a woman will put the pressure on her husband until she gets a satisfactory answer.

For men, sex is like a sport or a game. The seduction and being seduced is a game. The objectification of a woman is also part of the game. He is thinking in his mind how he would have sex with her.

To fulfill this false fantasy, he often masturbates unless he takes it to another level.

Prostitutes or having a short or long term adultery.

Sign Number 2No sex with the wife.

It’s been a few days and he hasn’t touched you.

There is only one Scripture in the Bible that permits husbands and wives to abstain from sex for a season.

1 Corinthians 7:5 says “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self- control.”

So far, you know that your husband is not in deep prayer and fasting, so what’s up?

It’s very common for illness or injuries to take place, but you’ve noticed that he is healthy as an ox. So what’s the deal?

It’s possible that he may be exhausted from the day’s work. Or is he exhausted from masturbation?

ED or erectile dysfunction is common among men that are between the ages of 45 and 60 which requires medicinal intervention or he may need to lose a few pounds and exercise.

Sign number 3 – Watching other women.

Every now and then, you catch him looking a long time at other women. You’ve ignored it because you did not want to confront him for peace’ sake. However, there is a difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. Peacemakers are blessed according to Jesus. Peacekeepers are armed to keep both parties apart by force, if necessary.

Proverbs 27:20 says “Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”

One by one, your husbands keeps looking at other women. Sometimes he even opens his mouth to tell you about how well they dress and look. But he never gave you a compliment.

The shows that he watches on TV, Cable, Internet, or Satellite. They are overly sexy with sex scenes. You go to the movies or sports arenas with him and his eyes go to searching for female flesh to lust after.

When your husband watch sports on TV, he watches the “sexy commercials” or the half time show on Super Bowl Sunday to check out the cheerleaders, female dancers, and singing artists that heavily seduce men.

You make nothing of it, but that’s what he lives for.

Deliberate straying eyes is a dead give away.

Should you confront him, he will be defensive. He will behave for a moment and then resume. The periphery of the eyes is equally damaging to the mind of a man.

He will do anything to get a look. Like using the reflection of the window to lustfully look at a woman. The mirrors in department stores. The magazine section in the grocery stores and at the checkout counter.

The morning and evening news shows and weather women, scantily clad, dressed for the night life.

All of these things are serious signals that he is engaged in some objectification of women.

Finally Sign number 4Your husband ignores you.

When a man is sexually distracted with hundreds of sexual images in his mind, he is not going to pay attention to you.

You can’t have a decent conversation with him because he is having a conversation in his mind with hundreds of women that he filed sexually in his soul. You press him to talk to you and he clams up, avoids you, and goes to another part of the house or apartment to get away from you. He locks the door so you would not interrupt his porn and masturbation.

This may go on for weeks or months.

Some wives will confront this issue and others will be passive.

If your husband is a follower of Jesus, he is already convicted, but he has learned how to suppress this conviction to continue in sin. For the wife that is a believer, she must ask the Lord for wisdom. It’s already a volatile situation. He is already on edge. In fact, for the child of God, you are already on edge yourself. You have questions in your mind as to whether you are to blame for your husband’s porn issue.

The home environment may have contributed to his delving into porn, but if you dig deeper, this issue took place in his youth. As a male, he has crossed lines he intended to cross a long time ago. It just so happens that in the marriage, he decided to open the cork and let it all spill out.

He never sought the Lord for guidance, wisdom, and help. Perhaps, his pastor never addressed the issue to help him.

With all of these and other scenarios, what matters now is what are you to do now?

What is a wife to do?

Pray, pray, pray.

Paul said in Romans 8:26 “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

When you do not know what to pray for as you ought to know, this is where the Holy Spirit comes in to give you the assistance you need to get the job of getting your husband’s deliverance done.

When it comes to the sins of man, the Lord is never caught off guard.

Jeremiah 17:9-10
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.”

Many wives do not know how to pray or what to pray. This is where you need to find a few women that know how to pray along these lines.

James 5:16 says “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Find faithful women that you could trust and confide in. Gather with them to study the Word of God to find solutions from God’s perspective.

Also there is tremendous material and books on how to deal with your husband’s porn addiction habits.

Millions of women are looking for quick solutions to this debilitating issue. However, you should settle in for the long haul. The devil is going to fight you tooth and nail. The husband will listen to the devil quicker than to God. Porn addiction is no different than drug and alcohol addiction. And these addictions are interconnected. Be prepared to see the worst before the resolution manifests. But know that God is not intimidated by the worst.

You must remember that sexual immorality is the devil’s top stronghold in the world.

“The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life is not of the Father but is of the world….”

Usually when the worst manifests, it’s an indication that it’s about to be resolved. Then again, sometimes the worst happens and the man is swept away in the flood of Secret and Overt Sexual Sins. But one thing is certain. God hears and answers prayer no matter how deeply involved your husband is in porn.

Deliverance is just a prayer and an answer from God away.

When confronting your husband, ask him to see the pastor or someone that has experience in this area. Sadly, there are very few pastors that are well versed in handing porn and masturbation addiction. However, the Lord is not going to leave you or forsake you. The Lord will steer you to the right resources and the right kind of help to get you through this crisis.

But for now, pay attention to these signs. Never give up. The devil lost when he attempted to attack God in heaven. What makes us think that the devil will win in this battle? Never let the devil get into your mind that you are going to lose your husband to pornography and masturbation.

Your marriage can be restored.

It’s a stronghold, but it is not stronger than our God.

Stronghold’s purpose is to prevent the inhabitants from being destroyed. But God knows where the weak spots in the stronghold are. NO demonic stronghold is impenetrable.

Do not wait to confront your husband. Do not wait to get help.

The longer you wait to confront this issue, the more enhanced the stronghold becomes. However, just because a stronghold gets stronger, it is never stronger than our God.



What To Do When Jesus Is Watching Porn With You

There are many professed believers that watch porn. Few would be willing enough to confess that Jesus is there, watching porn with them.

To them, as it was with me, we’ve completely ignore the fact that the Lord Jesus is watching what we were watching. Some consider this to be a joke but when you look at several verses of Scripture, we see that the Lord is there with us, watching what we are watching.

Therefore, it is not a joke.

We who claim to be in Christ and Christ is in us, know for a fact that the Lord is present.

Every time I watched porn and masturbated, the Lord was right there. You can know that He was disgusted with the performance of sexual sin in my life.

In fact, at one point, He was so angry, that while I was watching porn and masturbating a few years ago, He said to me, “You could be watching your own daughter.” 

Sadly, that didn’t shake me up to stop. I suppressed the truth in unrighteousness. But what He said to me stayed with me until December, 2008.

After receiving a much needed miracle, I went back to old habits.

While watching porn and masturbating, the Lord said to me, “Is this what you do to Me after all the good I’ve done for you?”

That’s when I knew it had to end or else.

At that moment, the fear or being very afraid of loosing it all became very apparent.

If I refused and rebelled, I would be devoured.

The fear of God taking away that much needed miracle, let alone, the fact that dying in sin would place me in a position of jeopardizing my salvation. It’s a scary thing to die in sin. The Bible tells us that “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” and “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”

Many have taught the fear of the Lord with one definition in mind.

“Reverential fear.” 

But in the definition, many have left out this definition. “The dread…”

We have forgotten how to be very afraid of the God of heaven and earth. So much so that sin becomes easy to commit because we are not afraid of God. We have convoluted our minds and erected another kind of god that we want who would look the other way when we sin. Gives us permission to sin based on the warped reasons behind what we do.

We say things like…….God, you understand me. You know my heart.”

Yes, God knows that our “…heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.” Jeremiah 17:9

We say things like…… God, you know I can’t do without extra curricular releasing sexual tension.”

Yes, God knows that “Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (no human waste) but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

This is how the devil gets us.

We watch certain TV shows that lead us from minor lewd stuff, to salacious shows that trigger lust in our flesh, to soft and then hard core porn.

Some of the shows that are being watched today is just a door to porn. As soon as the show on the national network goes to a hot sexy steaming episode and then fade to black, you know that this isn’t enough.

You take it to the next level.

PPV porn.

Internet porn.

Or even worse. You search for a prostitute, or you are involved with an immoral woman in adultery. If you are single, you are probably fornicating or having illegal sex outside of marriage.

There is no question in my mind that you know that the Lord is watching.

But here are a few Scriptures to remind you.

2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.”

Ezekiel 8:12 “Then He said to me, “Son of man, have you seen what the elders of the house of Israel do in the dark, every man in the room of his idols? For they say, ‘The Lord does not see us, the Lord has forsaken the land.’”

Psalm 139:7-12 “Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.”

It is true that these Scriptures will not deter a man or woman bent on watching porn.

Sickness and disease will not deter an immoral man or woman from sexual immorality.

Getting caught is not of concern for the sexually immoral people because what is more important is achieving the goal of covetousness, which is idolatry (see Colossians 3:5). The goal of covetousness is to “get off.” 

That’s why immoral men and women “suppress the truth in unrighteousness…”

Sexually immoral men and women suppress the truth in unrighteousness because they want to continue in sin, thus, remaining in their bondage.

Yes, and Jesus is there. Watching it all. It’s all being recorded in a book. Every sinful thought, every sinful word, and every evil deed. Everything is being recorded, only to be revealed later in the day of judgment. To be used against you when you stand before the Lord on the day of judgment.

Romans 14:5-10-12 “For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written: “As I live, says the Lord, Every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.”

This judgment is for believers, not for sinners.

2 Corinthians 5:10-11 “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. Knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are well known to God, and I also trust are well known in your consciences.”

As a believer, you and I have no business watching porn.

But just in case you believe that Jesus isn’t watching, you do not have to look over your shoulder. God knows how to be present and walk away from you at the same time.

For believers, we all have a chance to repent and get it right before we are judged.

This is where taking communion is potentially lethal.

1 Corinthians 11:27-32 “Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.

For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep.

For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world.”

Verse 30 of The Amplified Bible says this….That [careless and unworthy participation] is the reason many of you are weak and sickly, and quite enough of you have fallen into the sleep of death.”

So what will it take for you to stop sinning?

What will it take for you to know that the Lord is watching everything that we do and recording it. To be used against us on the day of judgment for believers.

For sinners, it’s worse.

From the Amplified Bible again….Revelation 21:8.

“But as for the cowards and the ignoble and the contemptible and the cravenly lacking in courage and the cowardly submissive, and as for the unbelieving and faithless, and as for the depraved and defiled with abominations, and as for murderers and the lewd and adulterous and the practicers of magic arts and the idolaters (those who give supreme devotion to anyone or anything other than God) and all liars (those who knowingly convey untruth by word or deed) — [all of these shall have] their part in the lake that blazes with fire and brimstone. This is the second death…”

So what do you do when Jesus is watching porn with you?

You already know the answer but many of you will not follow through.

Many of you will continue to profess to love the Lord but you love porn more.

Many of you will cry in hopelessness, get through that moment of relapse and cry tears in remorse.

Many of you will get over that moment of remorse and make provision to fulfill the lust in your heart, mind, and body, all over again.

I’ve been there.

Wondering if I would ever break free of porn and masturbation. Wondering if the Lord loved me. Wondering if God would forgive me.

Wondering if after all the frustration and disappointments in myself, that I would ever be worthy of His grace.

The ball is in your court.

What you do next will determine whether you remain in the house of bondage, or walk through the open prison door.

Harlots And Adulterers In Your Church; Hot As HellFire And Brimstone Women

Weak willed pastors can hardly resist hot looking women that come to church for one thing. To take a minister and his ministry down. Very few could resist a sex starved woman and find themselves taking advantage of emotionally defenseless single or married women.

A women’s vulnerability attracts a man willing to come to her “rescue.”

It doesn’t matter if he is married. A woman’s “vulnerability,” when presented, will make a strong man vulnerable. Vulnerable in the sense that he is not thinking and he will do everything to “save” her.

Many people do not realize that there are women on demonic assignment to destroy families.

“Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth: do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths; for she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men, her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.”

Proverbs 7:24-27

Solomon knew what he was talking about because he was taken down to hell by 1000 women (see 1 Kings 11:1-13).

Many weakhearted married pastors fell for the smooth talking, sex starved sex pot women. For the demonically inspired women, there is no excuse. For those that cannot control their hormones, you can discipline yourself to stay away from married pastors.

For those on assignment by the devil, there is deliverance but you have to break everything in your mind to follow the Word of God for the rest of your life.

Many women will read this and feel that it is an attack on women.

Quite the contrary.

We all know that men are sight minded. Jesus made this clear in Matthew 5:27-30. When a man looks lustfully at a woman, he commits adultery in his heart.

Then the Lord gives the anecdote that will hurt.

“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body be cast into hell.”

Was Jesus serious?


This is called “radical amputation.”

This phrase was coined by Mike Cleveland of Setting Captives Free in a course called “Way To Purity.” I am an alumnus of this 60 day accountability course of no porn and masturbation, and by the Spirit of God, Mike was not kidding.

Proverbs 27:20 says,

“Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”

What was Jesus implying here?

Hebrews 12:4 says,

“You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.”

In these Scriptures, the Word is alluding to the fact that if you cannot stop sinning sexually, it’s time to amputate. Now do not go to the hospital to request amputation. Do not go to the kitchen and pull out a knife to start cutting body parts.

Spiritually speaking, what are you willing to do to stop sinning sexually?

Are you willing to cut off the TV, satellite, cable, movies, magazines, sexually explicit video games, beach parties, backyard pool barbecues, walking the street just to run into the eye candy of the day, looking away from the crowd of women on the bus, train, walking the street, walking in church?


And you know it’s the truth because they (sexual immoral women) are everywhere and that’s the bottom line.

You all know that there are many other places on the Internet and other forms of filing sexual images that we need to cut off.

When a woman comes across your line of sight, are you going to look at her lustfully, or are you going to exercise the discipline necessary not to file the image in your lust compartment to meditate on later at night?

Notice what the Lord said. “right eye…pluck it out…right hand…cut it off…”

When it comes to masturbation, I believe that the Lord knew exactly what men would do with these images as level one sex addicts. We men see feminine images and file them for consumption.

This “consumption” is exactly what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:28.

But the meditation of having sex with her in our minds isn’t enough. We move to the bedroom, and pretend to have sex with that image in our minds by way of masturbation.

When the Lord Jesus said to cut off your hand, this is exactly what He was talking about. But not just cutting off the hand to prevent it from masturbating. It includes preventing to have a live body to “act out” sexually with. Either by prostitution or by meeting up with that person we’ve lusted after to perform the pinnacle of level one sex addiction.

Getting back to my point.

Women do come to church to hatch a plan to destroy a man. In my studies on “Healthy Sexuality” it is known that sex addicted women view their sexuality as “power over a man.”

Then there are women that are drug addicts and alcoholics that use their bodies to get what they want. Money for drugs and alcohol, pay for higher education, or for power. The ones that lust for power are called Jezebels.

Then there are women that desire connection and will use men sexually for feminine affirmation and self esteem purposes. They will offer their bodies to satisfy connectivity needs.

These women believe that their femininity is irresistible and a man is vulnerable to a woman’s beauty. So they set the trap and those that are on assignment will either work their way to the pinnacle of their plan or they set out to outright go for their target.

There are women that will marry and then divorce that man. Then marry again to another and then divorce that man until they get to the one they intended all along.

Married pastor’s wife, be on the look out!

Then the blind pastor puts these women in powerful positions in church and then, they make their move to commit adultery with the pastor.

Most men will walk up to them and these women will shake them off because they already have in mind their intended target.

The married pastor.

Women that are married to pastors and preachers, you need to keep your eye out for these women. They are already sent on assignment and they know exactly what to do to take your husband away from you. Their plan is simple and all they are waiting for is for you to not believe that they are after your husband. They want what you have and they will subtly creep in and win your trust just to betray that trust when your husband, as blind as he is, leave you for her.

The sexual immoral woman is what the Preacher in Proverbs is talking about.

There are two levels of sexual immoral women.

LEVEL ONE: The Harlot

“For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”

The Hebrew word for “harlot” is “zanah” and it means “to commit adultery (usually of the female, and less often of simple fornication, rarely of involuntary ravishment).” Involuntary ravishment means a man forcing himself on a woman, also known as rape because ravishment means “the crime of forcing a woman to submit to sexual intercourse against her will.”

She sets up her passive conquest. And the wife of a pastor or minister must pay close attention to who approaches her husband.

Men are blind when beauty comes before them.

I say again.


Unless they are disciplined, they will not think that a woman is playing on the prey. Soon, they are sucked into the jaws of the harlot and one thing leads to another.

Innocent conversations has a way of leading a man to the trapdoor of hell.

Ladies, in my groundbreaking series called “Secret Sexual Sins” on BlogTalkRadio.com, I’ve already discussed the slick preacher that takes advantage of innocent women that truly need spiritual help; only to be beguiled by a predator. So this is not as one sided as you think.

However, it takes two to tango.

LEVEL TWO: The Adulteress

These woman plan on marrying the one they stole. Notice what Proverbs 6:26, the latter portion said.

“And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”

A woman, single woman wants a married life and when they see what other married women have, they go after it. Sometimes they go after it wrongly. The life of a married man is precious. Especially when you see that he loves his wife. Cares for his wife. Takes care of his responsibilities. Is very low maintenance. These are strengths that provide security for a woman.

But hidden underneath all of this good, sometimes a man has problems and issues that spillover into his marriage.

Sometimes events are events of “perfect timing.”

A man may be having issues and all of a sudden, here comes…trouble.

The other thing that men are not aware of is that when they are down, they look for a pick me up. Women are natural pick me ups because they know how to “nurture.”

Perfect timing of the devil to bring someone that knows how to use her femininity to nurture a man that is having “issues” in the marriage.

While there are a wide variety of issues, we can see how the devil takes advantage and we must guard against them. One of the last sins that was mentioned in the Book of Revelation is “sexual immorality.”

In our sex crazed society, we see that there is an increase in the lures and traps. From handheld devices to live action in church, there is no lack of “opportunities” for the devil to bring temptation. It’s no different than the Book of Numbers, chapters 19 through 25.

The principle is no different. Purity, Victory, Sexual Immorality, Defeat.

In almost every church, the element of harlotry and adultery is there. But what are we going to do to keep it from ruining a powerful ministry?

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 and 7:1 is the answer among other Biblical answers.

Additionally, you must make a concerted effort to look out for these harlots and adulterers.

When they come, do not just look to keep them in check. Some of them may not even know that they are on assignment of the devil. Which means that if they are ready to receive the Word, you must be ready and willing to minister to them.

Depending upon where the former harlot and adulterer are, it may be necessary to defer them to another ministry that is strong in the Lord and the Word.

Wisdom. Pray for wisdom.

Those that refuse and insist on a course to destroy a man, his marriage, and the local church, they must be shown the door. And when they land in another location, if you know where they are, it is best to inform the next pastor of their actions so they could be prepared to handle it appropriately.

God is looking to bring His church into the place of holiness and we must never “give place to the devil.”

SEX-Good, Steaming Hot Sex, Christian Style. Part One

By Fred C. Rochester, Pastor. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

Attraction of the opposite sex. Compatibility. Relationship, Romance, Marriage. Kissing. Necking. Petting. Fondling. Intercourse. Orgasm! 

Yes! Yes! YES! AND OH YES!!!

Then comes children, child rearing, and the cycle of life starts all over again.

The seemingly insatiable desire for more sex between married Christian couples.

These are the common words associated with sex. Don’t blush because you see this everyday on satellite, DVDs, cable, or the Internet. But only of the sexually immoral kind. Like Adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, and bestiality. Very few of us ever wonder if Christians that are married have enjoyable, meaningful, red hot sex. The answer depends on who you ask.

Now that the economy and measurable STDs are forcing couples to reconsider severing relationships, we still see that marriage between a male and female is God’s best plan for the safest sex. One thing is clear, many people, Christians and pastors or ministers, engage in unsafe sexual immorality almost on equal footing as the world.

The reasons range from a mistress such as work, business, or other non sexual activities to an actual affair with a body.

My late Aunt once told me that sex is enjoyable for unmarried couples too, or words to that affect. As a young preacher, I was taken aback by her statement. She didn’t care that God’s ordained plan for safe sex is within the confines of marriage.

Most professed born again believers desire sex. We are human. It is a natural God given desire. However, the best way to enjoy sex is in a monogamous relationship between two distinctly opposite and sexually compatible individuals that love each other. Disagree if you wish but the penalty is still there to remind you of what God originally intended.

Contrary to many beliefs and current trends of thinking, sex is a very much in demand subject but least talked about in the Christian church. Sometimes the only time that sex is talked about is when sexual immorality takes place. We hear nothing but the negative.

There must be a presentation of a balanced approach if the church is to stem the tide of sexual immorality in the church. The objective of consequential judgment is to remind us of what the Holy Lord said in His Word.

Hebrews 13:4 says,

“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (unsoiled); but adulterers and fornicators (porn) God will judge.”

As long as you are married, your sex romps is according to God’s original intent and the bed is free of human defecation or contamination. Sin contaminates the bed like having sex in a bed full of human feces. I know gross and graphic but how else could God’s word describe adultery and fornication?

There is a positive side to great sex within the confines of holy matrimony. We must remember that before we were Christians, we were sinners in the world. When we accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, our sexuality came with us. The only thing that should have happened is that the perversion of sex should have ceased.


The first instance of NT teaching along these lines came from the Lord Jesus. In actuality, the NT started when Pentecost came. Nonetheless, Jesus came with a word that startled many men.

In Matthew 5:27, the Lord Jesus sat on the mount and talked about…sex.

Well, sex of an adulterous nature.

We must understand that whoever creates any thing has a right to make up the rules.

Just like certain games. Whoever created the game must create the rules so that the game could be played correctly. When there is a violation of the rules in the game, there must be a penalty or a reset to start the game over. That’s the games of this world. But when it comes to life’s rules, the stakes are much higher. The penalties are stiffer. And in most cases, irreversible.

What man has decided to do is change the rules apart from the Creator expressed in the Word of God.

The Word of God is the rule of law.

When we violate the Word of God, we are subject to its penalty and consequences.

“In the beginning God created…” 

Our names cannot be found anywhere in Genesis chapter one so that excludes and exempts us from changing the rules.


We are powerless to create.

We are only allowed or empowered to procreate or REPRODUCE.

God created man from the dust. We do not have that power to take dust and make a human. When you have figured out a way to take dust and create a container and then blow into man the breath of life to become a living soul, please let us know.

God produced male and female. Male and female are to reproduce more males and females.

To do this, man must have sex. However, before he could have sex, he must have a wife.


There are many distractions that inhibit both the husband and the wife from sexual performance.

Jobs, kids, timing, emotions, financial security, and energy.

These are some of the obstacles that couples face everyday. According to Dr. William M. Struthers, who wrote the book, “Wired For Intimacy,” men are “wired for sex.” While this is a book about how pornography affects the brain, it is a clear indication that men, on sight and thought, can get his engines ready and revved up for sex.

The circuitry or influence of sexual behavior is different for both male and female. The problem for married couples is making the necessary adjustments and mutual compromises to make sex enjoyable. Sex could be work but under the right circumstances and situations, sex could be taken to places that would make a marriage last for life.

There are many people, inside and outside the church that shut down the kind of sex that would keep marriages from falling apart. Married women are inhibited and sometimes insecure of their bodies. This can definitely put a strain on the kind of sex she would love to give her husband.

The idea is not to make changes that a person is not comfortable or capable of making unless the desire is there. In making changes, an opposite effect could take place as well. What kind of reaction will other men have when your wife comes in after making certain changes?

We all know what men fantasize about. Men are sight wired and thought wired.

Proverbs 27:20 says,

“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”

The eyes of man is always in search for beauty to stimulate his mind. Just because a man’s eyes are never satisfied does it mean that he has permission to seek other women in an attempt to satisfy something that could never be satisfied.

When a man gets married, he picked the one woman that he wants to look at for the rest of his life. Married man, your eyes cannot google and your mouth cannot dribble at another woman. Once you are married, no other woman is to be desirable for you. No other woman is more beautiful. The search switch must be turned off after the marriage is solemnized and consummated in the bedroom.

As devastating it is to a woman you are engaged to, during that “feeling out” not “shacking up” process, you can break off the engagement. Reneging on the promise to marry is a very hurtful and coldblooded way to get out of a relationship unless you’ve observed something in yourself that reveal that you are not ready to take on the responsibility of relationship. Cold feet is also just a man getting scared of the fact that his commitment to a wife prohibits extramarital sins.

Once he is married, he can no longer play the field. To do so would risk and compromise his health for the rest of his life.

This is the most difficult part for man because other women that aren’t married are always in passive search mode. So unmarried and even some married women will wear things that range from provocative to conservative to attract the attention of a man.

In some cases, they’ll attract the roving eyes of a married man.

It is left to the man to enforce the discipline of his eyes during marriage on one woman only. His wife. No matter how desirable another woman may be.

Job 31:1 says,

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon young woman?”

Job was married and the sin of sight adultery never entered his mind. His statement was a statement of fact that sexually looking and lusting after a young woman was not the door for calamity to enter his life. Not too many men, including me, could say that.


Now the opposite of a wired man is a wired woman. The circuitry for her is clearly different. We know that in the fantasy of women, it’s the romance. It’s all about how she feels about herself that makes her feel attracted to her husband. Her sexuality is tied to her emotions and the way she feels about herself. She must be coaxed or gradually persuaded to engage in sex.

Coaxed or persuaded not in the abusive sense.


It’s all about treating her right.

She has to feel secure, safe, loved, connected, affirmed, and esteemed for her real value.

While she is also sight minded in the sense that she sees something in a man that she feels attracted to, the attraction is partly about how will that man treat her. When a woman has many things going on in the mind or within her emotions, the way she feels determines whether or not she will sexually engage with her husband.

The bedroom value increases exponentially when these things are firmly established. Brothers, great sex will always come when you value her for who she is and not only what she could do in the bedroom. Hot, steamy sex for married couples is achievable when a man does the right thing with her wife.

Telling her truthfully honest and meaningful things in a loving way will start her engine.

Dis-arming your wife with kindness will help her unwind.

When you are uptight and she is uptight, it only leads to no romps. When you take the time to resolve the issue and hear her out, when she believes in her heart that you have “connected” with her, the physical connection will happen.


She wants to know that you understand her for her.

If her mind isn’t resting or rested but preoccupied with the events of her life, she must be given time to resolve these issues.

Men love beauty.

That’s what a man desires. But outer beauty is only an introduction to the inner beauty of his queen. Therefore, inner beauty makes the outer beauty that much more enticing. That’s what intimacy is about. A husband wants to get into his wife but the true door to her is her heart.

The external is just the introduction. 

The natural expression of sex is the culmination of what you have found deep inside her heart.

Her love for you.

When she knows that her heart has been penetrated, a natural penetration takes place.

When orgasm takes place, oh my!

In Ephesians 5:32, Paul said that, “This is a profound mystery.”

When a man treats his wife the way Christ treats the church, my goodness.

The marriage bedroom of a man and his wife can be too hot to handle. And there would be no shame.

So yes, Christians can have steamy, hot sex. It’s all a matter of understanding how to appreciate and esteem each other in ways that lead to a series of hot bedroom romps that the world wish they could have.


www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 (listen to our Secret Sexual Sins Broadcast)

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