Each Sunday, you get that connection. You take in more than his words.
His “charisma.” His “personality.” The “eye” connection.
Service ends and you can’t wait for him to say a few words to you. Makes you feel special. Uplifted. Inspired.
The “connection” goes beyond words and a sermon.
Suddenly, he confides in small talk and finds that you have some wisdom.
He takes things to the next level.
Meeting for lunch.
He takes in your “womanly advice.”
He talks about his troubles in his marriage, but you know that anything he says about his marriage will be one-sided. He makes his wife out to be very bad and puts himself in a good light. The pastor admits some “mistakes” but covers the real sins of his life.
His porn and masturbation habits.
He is sexually out of control.
It isn’t long before he tosses phrases out to you that goes beyond suggestions.
But you give in to his advances.
In a moment. In the twinkling of an eye, you find yourself in a hotel room with a man of God. You forget about the Word of God, holiness, righteousness, and purity for one moment of sinful pleasure.
You found out a lot about this “man of God.”
He wasn’t the kind of person you thought he would be.
He treated you like a sexual rag doll. You felt dirty and ashamed. You even felt taken advantaged of but you went along with it because you thought he “loved you.”
Each sinful encounter in that room felt like you were doing him a favor. Giving him your ear. Easing his “marital pain,” but you were getting something too. No woman engaged in adultery with a “man of God” leaves without something. The excitement, the passion, the fulfillment of lust that leads to death.
In exchange of the dopamine by illegal sex, you think that you would get a pastor’s attention. Or more preferable, “his male attention” at the expense of his wife. You pretend for a moment that you are his wife. You wanted what his wife was legally entitled to and participated in destroying a man’s marriage.
You must remember that how he betrayed his God and his wife, sooner or later, he will betray you. As soon as someone else comes along, he leaves you to pursue another body.
Sexual connection gives the false sense of security. Sexual connection is only validated in holy matrimony. Violating marriage vows is just another stepping stone of a man’s inability to discipline himself to abstain from every other woman.
When an adulteress willingly participates in violating that vow, it is very rare that the sinful relationship survives. At the end, an adulteress is left with nothing. The security she once thought is fleeting.
The woman at Jacob’s well had such a relationship with men (John 4). The security that she sought just continued to evaporate with each man. The last man that she was with, the Lord Jesus told her that he wasn’t her husband. She gave up on marriage. Whether the men before her gave her a written note of divorce because they couldn’t deal with her, or the other way around is something to consider.
Whether it was just a looking just to fulfill sexual desires is also something to consider.
It’s not uncommon for a woman to use her femininity to have power over a man.
But in many instances, women will use sex for a higher purpose.
Sex with a pastor is sometimes that high purpose.
Her feminine power lured that pastor away from God and his wife. Or the pastor was a predator to begin with and took advantage of an emotionally unstable woman. Then it was probably a calculated maneuver by a woman to destroy a man of God.
It’s not unheard of because just as unholy men are sent on assignment by the devil, unholy women are sent the same way.
Then there is the women that just throws aside any discipline and allowed themselves to be duped to pursue a relationship that she wasn’t supposed to have in the first place.
Perversion in the house of the Lord continues.
The coming of the Lord is seemingly delayed and liberties that would normally be shunned are initiated and desperately pursued. Pastors are aware that temptation comes in various ways. satan drops his seed of lust in supermarket stands, TV commercials, movies, sports that we watch each week, Internet news, watching weather and news reports of sexually provocatively dressed women.
In church, they come in, wearing things that are only worthy of strip clubs, bars, and other sexual venues.
Sadly, provocatively dressed women are on the prowl and will enter the house of worship as plain as day. There is no such thing as covering up in the house of worship. Fashion statements is the norm to attract male attention.
It’s now hell instead of holiness for holy men of God.
There is no guess work to a sexually provocatively dressed woman’s intent.
Sadly pastors are on the prowl. Looking for anyone that is “fair game.”
Like clock work, they use their charm and finesse to abuse any woman willing to get into bed with a predator.
How does one know that a pastor is a predator?
When it is more than one woman. This is determined, not by how many bodies they have had in their bed, but in their fantasy.
Matthew 5:27-30 and Proverbs 27:20 clearly indicate that the mind of a man could have had several hundreds of women.
You are just another body on the list.
Thank God that there is power in the blood of Jesus.
We can shut the door to Secret and Overt Sexual Sin.
When you come to church, dress appropriately. You come to church to worship God, not to be worshipped sexually.
Pastors must fight to stay on his face before the Lord at all times, and live like Joseph, ready to run from Potiphar’s wife. More importantly, never find yourself in a situation that makes it necessary to run. Be aware of your surroundings and contacts as much as possible.
Never assume that it will not happen to you.
Like clockwork, the devil watches for that one opportune moment to bring his best to destroy you.
The most unsuspecting women and the most boisterous woman, and everything in-between must be watched. Leave nothing to chance. Change what you’ve been watching. In fact, deliberately, and significantly reduce towards eliminating movies, TV programming, Internet, social media, and other forms of contact.
The seed of devils called seducing spirits and doctrine of devils is all the time lurking to gain access to your heart, mind, and body.
At home, whatever marital situations are ongoing, be Christlike and work to resolve reconcilable situations. There is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference. An irreconcilable difference is childish gibberish.
If God can forgive a man for sin, there is nothing in the Bible that says that we can’t reconcile a marriage. While the Bible says that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce, even that could be forgiven.
It takes the grace of God to forgive a deliberate act of betrayal, but it doesn’t have to get to that level.
Learn to head it off before it gets to that level.
Husbands and wives do not have to be “headstrong” in relationships.
Learn to treat each other with respect, decency, and honesty.
Learn to forgive as Christ forgave us.
Recognize that no difference has the power to overcome the grace to forgive.
Talk openly and honestly about any sexual issues. Overcome the embarrassment and deal with this subject. The enemy takes pleasure in dividing you when you should be dividing the devil into pieces.
If you are a woman looking to cross the line, control yourself. It’s not worth it.
Hebrews 13:4 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is clearly against you.
What gains you may think you have is instantly wiped away at the conclusion of sin.
As James tells us, “…sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.”
Proverbs 7 tells us that the sexually immoral woman is the “staircase descending into hell, into the chambers of death,” for any man that commits adultery.
And when you die without repentance, you will descend with him to your cell block in hell. That’s what the Word “chambers” means in the Hebrew.
If a man of God attempts to seduce you, turn up the alarm and expose that predator. Sound the alarm. Do not give in to your connection desires. Resist the temptation and run far away from that church. If he is married, tell his wife and leave the church.
Holiness is far better than hell.
It’s part of the evil menu of satanic temptation.
Women that look to lure a holy man of God into the bedroom or hotel room which ultimately leads both of them down the steps into hell.
Many women feel that they are the victim all of the time. It is true that lusting pastors look to take advantage of an emotionally damaged woman but when you look at the other side of the situation, in her vulnerability, she will fall into temptation just as easily as a lust filled pastor.
While many will argue about it, it is clear that satan always look to use someone to trip up a pastor.
Especially holy men of God that is disciplined in the Word and the Lord.
And satan will use a perverted pastor to trip up a holy woman of God. This is a two way street.
What’s also lurking in the house of worship are homosexual plants. They too are on the lookout for lust filled same sex with people in leadership.
Sexual immorality is a critical sign of the last days. As Secret and Overt Sexual Sins increase in the world, where there is no discipline in the pastor and in people in the church, we will watch these things intensify. That’s why the pastor must take heed before they find themselves overwhelmed with sin.
It’s not worth going to hell over.
Being that this is the most prevalent sexual sin in the church that gets immediate attention, that is, seductive women coming into the church to take out a pastor or a pastor luring unstable emotional women, we see that we must institute absolute disciple to escape the corruption.
A male pastor, whether married or single, must enforce a strict discipline upon himself. We cannot stop women from coming to church, dressed provocatively. In most cases, we can’t prevent them from sitting in certain high visible places where there is a clear line of sight. We can’t prevent most after service contact or interaction between pastors and women.
Every male pastor is different. Some pastors allow themselves to be available to females for counseling and other forms of interaction. Some pastors interact with females after service during “meet and greets.” These seemingly innocent interactions are also potential seed planting grounds where “attraction and enticement” unsuspectingly takes its course.
If there is no caution, prevention, or discipline, it’s just a matter of time before innocent contact turns into deliberate sexual immorality.
But interaction and professional contact could be maintained.
Two elements must be discussed.
- Attraction to power.
- Attraction to beauty.
In many church services, the preacher is the main event. Sadly, his personality and emotional energy is an attraction to women. At the same time, some, not all women, preconceive in their minds what to wear to attract a pastor with her beauty.
A few years ago, I was attending a service and after the service, a young woman in a tight fitting, low cleavage, knee high dark blue dress walked up to a married elder in his church. He and I drove to his church that morning. I knew what this was. It was a set up. It doesn’t take much to see a trap walking.
How he handles his emotions after the service is the tale of the tape.
It is during these times that he is emotionally vulnerable. This is where he can forget that he just handled the Word of God. If he fails to maintain his holiness in the Lord, it is very easy to cross the line and engage in inappropriate behavior that leads to sexual sin.
The moments after the service is over is where he feels powerful. This is where the four “E’s” of ministry come into play.
It’s very easy to operate in the soul and transfer all that “power” into sexuality.
Male sexuality and male sexual drive is at its peak and if a man is not careful, it is not long before he will engage.
Let’s explain the four “E’s.”
When you have preached a message that is powerful, you feel that you are in an elite class or status. Top of the world, so to speak. This place of elitism is also called pride. It is there that women will applaud you or give you encouragement. Whether it is innocent or deliberate, you must guard your heart. This is not to put women down but it is meant to be on guard for the intent.
After receiving that “compliment” you feel empowered.
Like you are the most powerful man on earth.
Then you deceive your heart into thinking that you’re entitled to anything.
Then you operate in expediency – “(of an action) convenient and practical, although possibly improper or immoral:”
So when James 1:14-15 is in operation, it spells doom.
How do you avoid this?
It all depends upon you.
To what lengths are you willing to go to protect what God gave you?
Will you be Joseph or will you be Job? Will you be Ahab or will you be Samson? Or will you be like Jesus?
Joseph escaped but he was in the right place taking care of Pharaoh’s business but in close proximity to Pharaoh’s wife at the wrong time. Job said that he never lusted with his eyes in the 31st chapter. Ahab gave himself over to Jezebel, even though he was married to her. Samson had lust in his heart. Jesus had sexual disciple among women.
So how do you avoid deliberate feminine seduction?
If you are a single pastor and women approach you, if you have a trusted elderly woman in the house, ask her to deal with the younger women in church.
Notice Paul’s instruction to Titus in the second chapter of this epistle.
Titus 2:1-5 “But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience;
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things — that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
If the younger women insist that they see the male pastor, it is a signal that must not be ignored. Not every young woman is looking to “score” like men are looking to “score,” but it is best to err on the side of good judgment and as a male pastor, insist that she see an older woman for counseling.
Most pastors have female secretaries. This is where the most interaction gets very personal and close. And this is where the most trip ups occur. Depending upon the size of the church, the need for a secretary will vary but this is also the very place where more attention must be paid in terms of sexual discipline. Not every female secretary is looking to score. But when a lust filled pastor or secretary is vulnerable, they will attempt to take advantage.
It’s not always during church service that interaction is occurring. Seduction can happen during the week with staff people.
In closing, we need to pay more attention to our marriages if you are a married pastor. The enemy is looking to devour you and your family. It’s not just the pastor that the devil wants to destroy. The devil will destroy the mistress, the wife, and the kids. The devil is not satisfied until there is complete destruction. So be on your guard at all times.
If you are single, you need to pay attention to your surroundings and maintain your sanctification.
Otherwise, you are another sad story for others to read about.
1 Peter 5:8-9a “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith…”
For the last few months, I’ve noticed some titles. I take note of these things because there is no question that when this topic is out there with increased frequency, it is possible that a woman or some women are about to engage in sex with a male pastor.
There is no question about the fact that there are more married pastors than there’s single pastors, but I find that just because the pastor is married, to a single or married wrong minded woman, to them, it doesn’t mean that he is “off limits.” The wrong woman mistakenly assumes that he is fair game.
Dissatisfaction within the marriage happens for a number of reasons, and it happens in every marriage. However, it is not a good reason to look over the other side of the pulpit or pew to engage in sexual immorality.
Another woman, whether a prostitute or a vulnerable church woman is not the solution to solve dissatisfaction in the marriage. To have the wrong pastor is not the answer.
All it takes is the right set of circumstances to set up sexual immorality, and the game is on.
Woman that attempt to engage in sex with a pastor may be filled with romance fantasies that lead to sin. Just as men engage in sexual fantasies, women engage in romance fantasies.
Pastors are vulnerable due to being emotionally and physically drained after preaching. That’s why it’s always best for a pastor to retire to his study to escape these vulnerabilities.
But he must escape other temptations on Sunday afternoon. Watching sports with cheerleaders. Watching movies with sex in it. Watching news with club dressy women. Watching shows with sex laced trailers and commercials.
Checking the Internet and getting bombarded with provocative women and chatting with women in the chat rooms.
When pastors go to the store or supermarket, the checkout counter is filled with salacious titles and sex pictures.
More pastors open themselves to being exposed to material inadvertently and then they deliberately go after flesh.
After the preaching of the Word of God, the anointing to preach lifts off of the man of God. The trek down the mountain top is full of booby traps, trip wires, ambushes, and IED’s (improvised explosive devices). I’ll get to IED’s for pastors in this blog.
Dr. Archibald D. Hart once said that sex is a great “pick me up.” In either case, whether the man of God feels like he’s conquered the world in his preaching, he wants a “reward.” When he feels that he didn’t nail his sermon, or he feels emotionally down, he wants a “pick me up.”
Women instinctively this pick up in understanding the emotional vulnerability of a man.
For instance in 1 Kings 21:1, Ahab wanted Naboth’s vineyard. Naboth told Ahab that it belonged to him, given to Naboth as an inheritance from his fathers.
Covetousness driven him to have Naboth’s vineyard and when Naboth said “no,” Ahab’s countenance changed. Ahab returned to his residence and Jezebel observed his countenance.
1 Kings 21:4-5 says, “So Ahab went into his house sullen and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him; for he had said, “I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.” And he lay down on his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no food. But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said to him, “Why is your spirit so sullen that you eat no food?”
Jezebel, as with women in general, will pick up the mood of a man just by reading his body language and countenance.
When they ask “What’s wrong,” the wrong woman will steer a man.
The rest of the story ended in Naboth’s death.
The wrong woman is able to pick up dissatisfaction in a pastor’s marriage and will attempt to be a voice as well as become sexually available to connect with him.
Now ladies, it’s important for you to understand that you are not married to him and you have no business becoming an intermediary. What I have also come to realize is that there are many women that will not accept responsibility for their actions and place the blame on the pastor.
Both must be blamed.
The wrong pastor and the wrong women.
The pastor didn’t maintain his sexual integrity with his wife. Allowed personal issues to become blockades to reconciliation, and never sought help from other pastors to deal with his personal issues. There is also his personal life that must be dealt with.
Is he watching porn and masturbating?
Whether he is having marital issues or not, porn and masturbation is a clear sign of disconnection that the wife cannot ignore. Extracurricular sexual activity, without committing adultery with another body is always at the root of many issues in a marriage relationship.
The “wrong woman” will pick that disconnection up.
In Genesis chapter 3, the devil entered the serpent to deceive Eve. However, based on preponderance, the devil was watching the interaction between Adam and Eve and concluded that Eve was inquisitive. The disconnection between Adam and Eve was detected and that’s when the enemy made his move.
Because of the disconnection, the enemy was able to make his move and plunged all men into death.
Hence, when the wrong woman detects the disconnection between a pastor and his wife, and she makes her move.
On the other hand, the wrong pastor seek vulnerable, insecure, emotionally unstable women too. It is never one sided. Sometimes, “worlds” collide under the right/wrong set of circumstances. With the wrong pastor, he has now become a predator and seeks to take advantage. He has the ability to see who is wiling to engage in sexual immorality and deceive a woman.
This is where women have to learn to guard their emotions and be on guard. The wrong pastor will turn into a serpent right before your eyes. He will be subtle like the serpent in Genesis 3. At first, it appears innocent, harmless, and safe. Pastors will not make their move until he knows that he’s won your heart. You trust him. You feel safe around him.
You don’t see it coming.
He touches your hand. Strokes your shoulders. He kisses you on the cheek. He’s re-assuring you with words that you wanted to hear. Not realizing that the wrong pastor is playing with your affections. This goes on regularly and then he makes his move. He perverts the Word of God as you give token resistance. You believe him and the rest is history.
“…and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.”
There are other women that know to stay away from them. They recognize the signs when he makes his move and they blow the whistle. They run from them quickly before trouble manifests.
Proverbs 14:15 says “The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps.”
Proverbs 22:3 says “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.”
This is the improvised explosive device.
It happens on both sides.
The wrong women lay the explosives just as good as the wrong pastor.
When it explodes, it leaves body parts all over the place.
Very few pastors and their wives are aware of the immoral woman that comes to church for seductive reasons. Then there is the Jezebel that has a motive behind her seduction. In any case, both come to church every Sunday, waiting for the right moment.
The moment of a pastor’s lust problem.
Sadly, immoral women are agents of the devil on assignment. Wherever there is a church that is moving powerfully in the Lord, the devil sends a “Moabite” woman to destroy a minister, a wife, and a church.
All in one shot.
The mistress is prepared to do what is necessary to get what she wants. Unbeknownst to her, she is an agent of sin. The devil uses the lusts in her heart to pull on the unsuspecting male in the pulpit.
Sometimes, she has a systematic plan to achieve her ultimate objective. Commit to marry men in the church and then divorce them. Then get to the male pastor. Getting to the male pastor is the goal. Sometimes all it takes is a direct hit. At other times, it may require an end around or flanking maneuver to get the job done.
This is usually done when the woman has gifts and talents. She is very outspoken or has strong leadership “skills.”
The immoral woman just wants the connection. Her mode of operation is similar to a Jezebel but not quite. The immoral woman just want a man and his company. It’s all about connection for the immoral woman. The immoral woman will exchange sex for companionship and connection. She has no thirst for power.
The Jezebel level is all about power. She is willing to sacrifice her body to get power in the church. She will work in the church to get close to the pastor to be noticed. She will be faithful for a season. She will prove to be a valuable asset. Indispensable. Dependable. Reliable.
When it appears that she has the confidence of both the pastor and his wife, she will make her move to assassinate the character of the pastor’s wife every chance she gets. She is also jealous of the pastor’s wife and will look at her with contempt.
Her contempt of the pastor’s wife is the fuel of her anger and resentment. She will hide behind the cover of “associate Jezebels” to run interference as she sets in motion to “steal” the husband.
The wife of a pastor must be more diligent in these last days for the immoral woman on assignment to assassinate her, her marriage, her children (if any), and the local church.
She would do well to post faithful women at the gates and be on the lookout herself for the immoral woman that comes to destroy at the first opportunity. Sadly, the male pastor will not see her coming. He is already mesmerized by her charm, perfection, charisma, ‘can do’ attitude, and beauty.
The immoral woman and Jezebel needs help to but she must be discovered.
Usually she has an unmistakable personality. Hidden behind the spirituality is a professional seductress. She knows how to catch a man at the right moment. She may not dress like Beyonce` but she will be close as dress codes allow.
Then again, she will abandon the dress code and be a devil in a red dress.
The wife must be ever vigilant for the one woman that always look for the pastor’s attention. This is when she must be checked. The wife must know where her husband is at all times. The men in the church that are trustworthy must know where the pastor is at all times.
The faithful men and women in the church must put up, not only a prayer barrier but a physical barrier. No mistress is successful where these two methods are deployed and employed regularly, and consistently.
We must also remember that the mistress needs help to, but the kind of help that she need begins at the altar of the Lord. In prayer and the Word of God.
Then she needs to be mentored by seasoned church mothers that know how to read a loose woman, steer her away from the male pastor, and steer her towards God.
If churches do not employ an effective strategy that evolves as the immoral and Jezebel woman becomes sophisticated with her methods, it’s a matter of time before another scandal will stain the church of Jesus Christ.
“Oh! He is good looking.”
“I wonder if he is married?”
“Maybe I’ll sit closer to the front so he could notice me.”
“I don’t care how good looking his wife is, I’ll get him to notice me. A nice hot, red looking, low cleavage dress is always an eye grabber.”
In churches all across the United States, women are mesmerized by slick, clean looking, handsome pastors. Mind you, that not all pastors look hot but the anointing can dress a person up.
I find that pastors do not make it easy for women either because there are plenty of “player pastors” that pervert the pulpit on the level of Hophni and Phinehas.
While everyone’s minds ought to be on God and the Word, sometimes males and females come for one reason other than the Lord and His Word.
As I was doing my studies on sexuality, I came across an intriguing story. There was a woman, a pastor’s wife, that got caught in a pastoral scandal.
Obviously, it appeared that she was disconnected from her husband. But her husband was caught in a sex scandal himself.
He gave up the pastorate and moved to another state. They found a local church to be a part of to heal their wounds. They didn’t look to become pastors. They just wanted to reconnect with the Lord and with themselves. They came across a church where the wife felt she could connect with the pastor. The pastor’s wife, for whatever reason, seems like she couldn’t reconnect with her husband.
Or the husband couldn’t reconnect with his wife.
She turned to her new single male pastor for counseling.
Predictably, the new male pastor seemingly took advantage of an emotionally charged woman.
It is possible that the disconnect put a strain on the marriage to where there was little to no sex.
Or so it seems.
As always, one thing leads to another.
From a handshake across the pastor’s desk, to sitting on the couch, sobbing on the pastor’s shoulder. From holding hands, to embracing. From an innocent peck on the cheek, to full petting. From petting, to the bedroom.
All I’m saying is that ladies, if the pastor is a man of God, he should not be using his professional ministerial capacity to get opportunistic sex from anyone. And on the other side, women should never be looking to “connect” by being counseled by male pastors alone.
There is no question that women desire to connect with men of power and are readily deceived with smooth words from a snake.
Male pastors are vulnerable too. Vulnerable in the sense that sense ruled pastors cannot pass up an opportunity to use their personality to get into an emotionally disarmed woman.
The game is simple, get into a woman’s head and you have a chance to get into her in bed. Intimacy is connection, connection is intimacy, spirit, soul, and body.
In a way, when male pastors believe that they are a woman’s “covering,” it is a door that is about to be opened into the bedroom of a “predator” or a “wanderer.”
It is very easy to assume that the woman was the victim but I am not surprised at all when a woman knowingly play an innocent role to get as “close” to the pastor as possible. It’s known that women enter the chat room and then attempt to “hook up.”
In other words, they “act out” their connection with sex.
Young single male pastors in most church will have a house full of young women. There is no question that women will outnumber the attendance of men in church.
The Lord is not pleased when you come to church prepared to lust after your pastor.
Especially if he is married.
Double especially if you already have a husband.
You need to remember your marriage vows to your spouse before you get into trouble.
Women need to control their emotions and the male pastors, single and married, need to control their hormones. They also need to employ successful strategies to avoid at all cost the hint of sexual immorality.
There is always a scandal behind the scandal. Holiness is not just something to preach about. Holiness is about pleasing the Lord on a moment by moment basis.
Never counsel women alone.
If you are married, make sure your wife is there. If at all possible, if she has the call of God on her life, let her handle the women. If not, if she is not able to counsel women, find a church mother that has spiritual experience to handle those hot honeys that come to disrupt the holy house of God.
Pastor, if you are married, esteem your wife regularly in front of your congregation. Healthy, tactful displays of affection in front of the congregation reinforces your commitment to the one woman in your life. The intent is not to make women envious or jealous. The intent is to honor and esteem your wife as the second lover of your life.
This display shows that you have no intention of leaving her. When it’s done regularly, this gives your wife all the security she needs. Other women will try to get in on this but you just give them a handshake and keep it moving. Anything more and it’s nothing but trouble.
Remember what Paul said, “Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:27.
If you cannot come to that church with God on your mind, you need to leave that church, or talk to someone that can help you put cold water on the fire raging within you.
You cannot have the hots for a pastor. IF he is single, if hasn’t approached you, you need to keep back 1000 feet. God will make things happen in your favor. If not, be patient. God will bring someone in your life that was looking for you all along.
Trust the Lord and do not doubt what He is able and willing to do just for you.