After you’ve started going out with him, he shows that he is responsible. Has a good paying job. Equally important, he makes every effort to treat you like the woman he would want to marry. Over the course of the courtship, you’ve shown that you are a great help in his life. He trusts your “help” and you have been there, supportive of most of the things he purposes to do in life.
You’ve found that you compliment each other, and he finally reaches a point to where you are indispensable. He depends upon you and you depend upon him.
He takes his time because that’s the way it is with most men. Most men take more time than a woman is willing to understand. He is about to commit to one woman and for most men, it’s the most challenging aspect of relationships.
Marriage is a very important, life changing event.
He spent some time making up his mind. For most women, way too much time. He worked hard to muster up the courage to propose. He worked hard to give you an indication that he is the right man.
“Mr. Right” is hard to come by these days. But unbeknownst to women, with for every 3 or 4 woman to 1 man, Mrs. Right is just as hard to come by too.
Most women think that it should be an easy choice, but it isn’t.
The Lord said in the Word of God that “What God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Meaning that the union is part of the plan of God. However, the Bible also says, “He that finds a wife, finds good, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
The man must spend time finding the right one that is right for him.
Not every man is right and not every woman is right.
God certainly doesn’t join incompatible people. It doesn’t make any sense to get married, separate over irreconcilable differences, and later, end it all in divorce. Matthew 19:4-10 is a good reason why it doesn’t make any sense.
As a note, when you see two people constantly going head to head over major and trivial issues without reconciliation, it is a good indication that the signs of incompatibility exists and to ignore these signs is no different than reading a sign “DEAD END,” but you keep driving, disbelieving in complete ignorance what that sign said.
That’s what makes courting so challenging and in some cases, rewarding for both prospective couples.
Up to the last moment, before the proposal, he is still calculating, analyzing, and critiquing his decision. He wants to be absolutely sure that she is the one.
A man will go through a maze of certain aspects and questions that brings him to a decision or indecision. He becomes more deliberate in his deliberation. Sometimes to the point of second guessing and over-analysis that brings some men to a point of mental paralysis.
This form of “hesitation” is exhibited in a change of his behavior.
Over the course of the courtship, a few events will always transpire that will bring questions to each couple. So challenging that sometimes, Mr. Right and Miss. Right will question themselves if their relationship is wrong.
But this is where they begin to really see each other under pressing and stressing conditions. Whether they could weather through some turbulent times in just the planning of the wedding.
The woman is looking for her fiancé to approve the details of the wedding. Some men like to be that involved and others, for the most part, will not be as involved. It is not a sign that he is disinterested because he is probably thinking about other issues.
Where to live?
Will his job be enough to handle the addition of another person?
Children isn’t on his mind but in any marriage, children will add to the stress for both.
The wedding day is the most important day for a woman. For the man too but in a different way.
She meticulously plans every detail. She puts her every effort to make that day the most memorable moment of her life.
On that day, it’s all about the bride.
She accepted the proposal of her new male fiancé and in her mind, she releases her excitement. That moment becomes the pinnacle of her life.
After the excitement of accepting the proposal, with her new engagement ring to “flash” around to her girlfriends, she shifts gears. Or she is modest about it but other females begin to notice what’s on her left ring finger that wasn’t there yesterday.
She discusses the date of her wedding with her fiancé, which is normal because all other plans hinge on establishing the date of matrimony.
But what about her fiancé?
He is excited that his fiancé accepted his proposal.
With planning a wedding, many women want to know if her fiancé is equally excited about the planning aspect. She wants to feel that her fiancé is involved and interested.
It is here that many women feel that they are sometimes all alone when he seems disinterested.
Any feedback is met with a man’s “generalized” answers that seem distant, cold and disconnected. That connection that you once had when the proposal came, became a distant memory.
But is there a disconnection?
For most men, the connection is still there whether he says something or not.
He hasn’t changed his mind and is confident in his selection. Otherwise, he would not have proposed.
What goes on in the mind of a man when a woman begins planning the wedding?
As the day of matrimony gets closer, he is concentrating on what’s about to happen afterwards. While you are planning the wedding, you too are also planning for what is abut to happen afterwards, but it all begins with your arrangement of the most important day of your life.
The man is going through several things.
He is establishing his mentality.
What does that mean?
It means that he is mentally preparing himself to live with you. And you are already doing the same. Whether you realize it or not, as the day gets closer, the nerves get uneasy. It’s normal because neither of you have been this way before.
The “unknown” has a way of doing this.
It means that he is determining what needs to be done just like you are determining what needs to be done.
There is no need to “PUSH” each other and apply more pressure on top of the pressure each of you is experiencing.
It seems like he is going in the opposite direction but unbeknownst to you, it is in tandem with what you are doing.
It is here that attitudes will adjust or fly off the handle. Nervousness of the unknown, and “Murphy’s Law” will be in operation. While no one wants anything to go wrong, either with the planning of the wedding or the marriage, it is here that you may see the best bonding take place.
Spiritually and emotionally.
In the end, you will say “It was worth it all.”
You will have a wealth of memories and experience to pass to the next generation when you have children. You will see them go through the same thing and both of you will smile.
The challenge is to learn how to read each other in a caring way so as not to further frazzle each other’s nerves.
While the wedding planning is going on, it’s about perfection. But equally important, you are each learning about each other in ways never seen or experienced before.
To make the most of that day, look to not get on each other’s nerves by “walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh.” It is very easy to fly off the handle when things go wrong.
And they will go wrong.
How you take the pressure off of each other will go a long ways to bonding.
Learn to have each other’s best interest in mind instead of looking to let the pressure of the moment cause you to say hurtful things and make regrettable decisions that carry over into the marriage.
When you continue to bicker and fight over issues, the heat of anger could blind people. Almost to the point of calling off the wedding. It’s been done before.
Both of you are under considerable pressure.
The least you could do is exasperate the situation(s).
Sometimes, it could mean that each of you need a light moment.
A break from planning would be nice. Yes, you are under time constrains but never put more pressure on yourself than you need. You will find that it will all work itself out.
As a woman, you want your fiancé involved because you are about to bond. If it appears that he seems like he is not involved as you think he should be, just remember, he hasn’t changed his mind. To add more to each other’s plate is not the best thing to do. To establish “ultimatums” to get your fiancé to respond to you isn’t healthy either.
Remember, a man usually will not see things the way that you do, and it’s the same for the woman. Two different view points doesn’t necessarily indicate a rift in the relationship.
Are you willing to accept his view point?
Are you willing to accept her view point?
Is it grounds for postponement? Annulment?
Usually, it isn’t.
There is just as much pressure on him that it is on you. At this point, you do not think so, but just know that both of you are under pressure. What will you do to make things better as opposed to making things unbearable is up to you.
You could either put rocks in your bed and sleep in it or take the rocks out and sleep in a nice bed.
We all know the saying.
“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”
You’ve invited a lot of friends and what they see, or what you want them to see is that your husband to be is happy about his selection. You want everyone to know that your marriage will work.
Weddings are a show to the world that your marriage is of God, that it is right, and that it will work.
Take the time to appreciate the moment.
There will be tough times ahead, but there will be good times ahead that will make whatever bad times you’ve experienced something to look back on and smile as you age together.
I came across an article from Porn Harms regarding a girlfriend’s discovery of her boyfriend’s porn habits.
Several comments came that suggests that sex before marriage is no longer taboo but the norm. In fact, it’s expected that a boyfriend is given his girlfriend’s virginity.
The other comments pretty much demanded that the girlfriend “dump” him because of his sinful porn habit.
With the observance of porn exponentially increasing, should you dump him, there is a good chance that the next boyfriend you choose is doing the same thing. Or he has seen porn. Are they sex addicts? It all depends on the frequency.
An addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop a habit.
Paul call it, “…Youthful lusts…”In other words, the young pursuing that which is forbidden.
When you are objectifying the body of a woman, the man’s mind becomes inundated and obsessed with touching her. If he can’t touch her, images drives his sex drive towards releasing sexual tension. If he can’t touch her, he masturbates.
Already in his mind, he is infatuated with her and seeks to release sexual tension.
Most boys use the excuse that since they do not want to impregnate you, he goes solo. But for the young, it’s just a matter of time before he puts pressure on the girlfriend to have sex. If she isn’t disciplined, she will give up what is most prized. Her virginity. At one time, it was considered a shame to fornicate.
Today it is normal and expected.
The suppressing of the shame is easily made and the sex is sinfully justified.
Being a harlot or a whore used to be enough for most women to abstain from making the mistake of sex before marriage. Now, it’s not a big deal.
In fact, according to the spirit operating in the sons of disobedience, it’s normal.
Sadly, abstaining is not the thing to do among the wicked and among those that profess to be righteous.
Whether it is girlfriend talk, locker room talk, Sunday School talk, or youth group talk, it is now taboo to admit that you are still a virgin.
Addiction to a sex act to fulfill his own sexual fantasies without the relationship is the name of the game with young boys. Your husband or boyfriend is not watching porn and then going to bed.
There is no question in my mind that he is participating in his mind and (to put it bluntly), feeling himself sexually. It’s called masturbation or solo sex. Billions of men throughout the world are occasional to chronic masturbators that started in the youth.
This habit may have started in his youth after being exposed to porn or substitute porn. The inquisitiveness leads to other areas readily accessible on the Internet. The Internet is the number one place where information travels faster than you think.
According to The Internet Filter Review, in one second, 28,258 persons will have click a sex site. In a revised figure, 2.8 billions persons, at the end of 24 hours will click onto a porn site.
Porn is a worldwide pandemic and it appears that there is no hope.
Many agree that porn is responsible for the destruction of many marriages.
It is clear that porn is a major part of the problem because porn models and the sex they are acting out is perfect. However, lust in the heart of man is responsible. The only thing that porn did was be made available to him as an accelerant. Lust is the fire and porn feeds fuel to that fire.
A dominating male and a sexually submissive female. It’s the kind of sex that he wants without being denied.
One comment was said that “give him the kind of sex he is looking for,” or words to that affect.
Mind you, the comment was given to try to prevent losing that boy as a boyfriend. It is clear that most married couples have a very difficult time expressing to each other the kind of mutual sex they are looking to have. And we must conclude that there is no guarantee that when you give a man the kind of sex he is watching on porn, that he will be satisfied.
This is a clear misnomer.
Granted, there are millions of partners that watch porn to “spice up” their sex life.
Let’s be clear about what the Bible says.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 tells us that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Hebrews 13:4 tells us that God will judge adulterers and fornicators.
Revelation 21:8 tells us that the sexually immoral will have their part in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.
There is no gray area. There is no room for error. There is no wiggle room. There is no exceptions.
Since God created man, God created the laws that govern man. Our death proves that accountability is required.
Hebrews 9:27 says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, after this the judgment.”
If death is true on one hand, judgment is true on the other.
Since no one escapes death. No one escapes judgment.
So as a girlfriend, let’s say that you know the Lord, and you’ve discovered that your boyfriend is into porn, the first disrespect is towards God. We all know that you may be hurt, but God was hurt first. As a believer, you must maintain God’s position on porn first.
Ezekiel 18:20 says “The soul who sins shall die.”
Your boyfriend has committed a serious sin that places him in jeopardy of losing eternal life with Christ.
Because the pleasure is just seemingly too much to give up, this is the least of his worries. But life does happen. Things can happen in a moment. A car accident. Heart attack. Sudden illness that leads to death. It doesn’t happen all the time, but you don’t want your number to come up.
Sadly, in life, everyone’s number will come up.
Listen to Ecclesiastes 8:8 “No one has power over the spirit to retain the spirit, and no one has power in the day of death. There is no release from that war, and wickedness will not deliver those who are given to it.”
If this is not enough, look at verse 11-13……..“Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.
Though a sinner does evil a hundred times, and his days are prolonged, yet I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God, who fear before Him. But it will not be well with the wicked; nor will he prolong his days, which are as a shadow, because he does not fear before God.”
So another reason why he continues in porn is because, up to this point, he wasn’t judged for it. What the Lord is doing is operating on grace, mercy, in hopes that he would turn from his wicked ways and repent. I’ve found that sometimes incremental consequential judgment isn’t enough for a man to turn from his sexual sins.
In defiance to God because the pleasure of ejaculation is too great for some men and women to give up, they continue on.
Look at Proverbs 22:3.
“A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.”
John 3:19 says, “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.”
Then you have the expounding of Jesus of the parable of the sower in Luke 8:11-15.
“Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.
Those by the wayside are the ones who hear; then the devil comes and takes away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.
But the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away.
Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity.
But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”
The pleasures of life is sexual immorality.
Then 2 Timothy 3:1-4 in portions “For men will be lovers of themselves…without self- control…headstrong, haughty (proud and lifted up in defiant pride), lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
These are the things that a wife or a girlfriend will face.
What is she to do?
If it’s just a boyfriend situation, your options are wide open. If you confront him, expect him to be very defensive. Porn and masturbation is an idol on the level of Goliath. The strength of this demon is more than what people think. While porn and masturbation is no match for the power of God, the man must be willing to walk away from these things if he is going to be free.
Billions of men have sought to break free and the vast majority of them refuse to walk away because the pleasure, to them is too great to give up.
How did I break from this?
I wanted God more than me. I had to crucify daily my desires to have self pleasure. My love for God need to rise of my pleasure to please me by myself. A man must be willing to break his silence and secrecy. If he refuses to break his silence and secrecy, he will remain in bondage.
I had to look at who I was hurting.
Yes, my wife and family but who did I hurt first?
When you get a revelation of how hurt God was, you refuse to hurt Him like that ever again. This spills over into your wife and family. You do not ever want to see them in pain and agony. Masturbation is a form of selfishness. You are looking out for you. Your boyfriend or husband is looking out for himself to meet his needs without the affects of relational situations common in marriages.
If you choose to confront your husband or boyfriend, if you know the Lord, spend quality time in the Scriptures and prayer.
Get as many Christian resources to understand porn addiction and masturbation.
You must not blame yourself for his porn habit. Sure things could trigger things to where he walks away after a negative confrontation on an unrelated issue. But to assume blame for his lust is just the enemy placing guilt on the wrong person or on both person’s simultaneously.
Porn is perfect sin that attracts a male that is sexually out of control.
Even women that look beautiful and never did porn are intimidated by porn’s perfection.
Do not try to minister to him like you are the expert. The information provided in the resources are there to help you understand the dark world of porn and masturbation. If he is just your boyfriend, you haven’t learned to read him like you would read him as your husband. It takes time to understand his emotional make-up, mood changes, etc.
The world of sex is just a physical activity to him. He has yet to realize that it’s purpose is for bonding with one person, procreation, and pleasure between monogamous persons, male and female.
There is a danger that he will be silent for a long time because he was discovered to do that which he wanted to keep secret. To force him to talk will push him further away from you. He is defensive like a clam or turtle. In time, the clam will open up and the turtle will come out of its defensive shell.
Sadly, it will take a while, but if you are patient, the rewards are great.
Porn and masturbation is his idol. To give up something that he is worshipping is going to take countless hours of prayer and fasting. Find time to share with other women that has already gone down this path. Not every story has a happy ending because a man chooses to remain in bondage. God is not responsible when a man decides to remain in bondage.
God renders an account to no man.
It’s always man that has to render an account to God.
But there are happy endings that do happen.
God was not caught off guard with this. He wasn’t surprised.
So there is still hope for your husband’s or boyfriends complete deliverance.
“With God all things are possible.”
The devil has never been known to win. Sin never wins.
Just know that the Lord is with you in your trouble.
Each situation is different, so be prepared for everything.
Single available women want men, not boys. Married women are tired of trying to have a relationship with little boys. Married women want their husbands to be men. More often than not, married women are raising their immature husbands like little boys and that is not right. Brothers have yet to come correct in this area.
The reason is that they still treat life like a little boy’s game.
When it comes to sex, women are treated like “playmates,” not like wives.
If you study the male prison population, you will see that it is all a game.
Many call it “mental conditions.”
Hardly the case.
If you watch the inmates very closely, you will see that they are using their brains behind bars. Very few inmates will use their smarts towards education for when they get out. The majority of the population is in survival mode. They are looking for ways to con each other. They are looking for ways to escape. They are looking for ways to get over on the “system.”
Yes, they are intelligent but they are using their intelligence in a depraved manner.
The inmates didn’t take life seriously and they treat everyone like it’s their world, their game, their rules. It doesn’t matter the ethnic background.
Some of them that are inmates act like little boys.
You see it in junior high and high school. They don’t do their homework. They fail tests. They skip classes. They get left back or drop out of school. They hangout in the gym all day long. Or they stay at home playing video games on the Internet instead of looking for a job. When they get kicked out of school or if they graduate, they have no goals to achieve. No future interests except themselves.
If you are looking for a job, take something, anything, until something else opens up.
The male population on the outside of the prison system are males lacking godly examples of male leadership.
There is a remedy but it takes initiative on both parts. The immature must decide to be mature and godly leadership must take the initiative to train them to become men.
Paul said this in 1 Corinthians 13:11 out of the New Living Translation,
“It’s like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put AWAY childish things.”
Here are four things that will make a male stand out as a man that most women are interested in. Mind you, there are immature women out there too, that use their “femininity” to string along a “cute” immature male.
The mature man will see the immature feminine power coming and avoid them.
3. Purposed Minded.
4. Relationship Minded.
Very few men excel in these areas because of SELFISHNESS.
They never look out for the family. They only look out for themselves.
The word “responsible” means “worthy of or requiring responsibility or trust; or held accountable.”
“Honey, did you pay the light bill?” Your male response is…“I’ll get it next week.” But honey, they turned off the lights. What happened? Your male response…I took the money to but something. Buy what? Your male response…A game.
Little boys make excuses.
Men take responsibility.
When you are married to a responsible man, they can be trusted to be responsible at work and home, pay bills, and help raise children. When you put the responsibility of the financial load on the wife, that’s irresponsible. A woman is not impressed with your ability to be the life of the party. A woman wants to know if you can pull you weight and handle business.
These are some of the toughest economic times this country has ever faced, but that doesn’t mean you continue to act like a little kid. During these tough economic times, the load of the bills may need to be shared. Therefore, mutual compromise and sensible negotiations is the rule of thumb to make the marriage work.
Little boys do not know how to handle responsibility because of SELFISHNESS.
Men know how to act intelligent and mature. There is nothing wrong with game time, sports, and other “men” activities, when the time is right. Work hard play hard is the rule but when an immature male is playing all the time, it’s hard to concentrate on work.
One of the signs of little boys in men’s bodies that you will see is when they are playing with little kids or teenagers as if they are little kids or teenagers themselves. Their mentality drops to their level quickly. When it comes to hanging around mature men, they are like fish out of water.
Paul give us an angle as to what must happen.
He said, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does.”
You have only one season of childhood. One chance to get all the immaturity out. Childishness has limits. Childishness is not to be carried over into adulthood. Divorce cases is simply someone or both acting childish. Like two little brats that want their way. Neither of them will compromise or take a loss to salvage the relationship.
Unless it was the childish act on the part of the man or woman to commit adultery, all differences are reconcilable. Being difficult to live with is acts of stupidity that has its foundation in childishness.
As my wife and I were raising our daughter, I always told our daughter, “Enjoy your childhood.”
Now, she is a very mature woman with her wits about her. Girls are more aware of maturity than boys because they are prepared to handle responsibility much faster than boys. Unfortunately, males in 40 year old bodies are still trying to play all the time.
Why don’t they get married and settle down?
Because their mind is still in play mode.
How do you get a man to stop thinking like a child?
Paul’s answer is simple.
“But when I grew up, I put AWAY childish things.”
He has to be willing to say goodbye to immature, silly, activities.
When will this happen? When is this supposed to happen?
3. Purposed Minded.
It happens when he sees that life is about to happen. You can’t stay with your parents. You can’t stay in high school. You have the world waiting on your decision to be a man or remain a boy in a man’s body.
The biggest play pen is the penitentiary.
The majority of males are now raised by single parents, predominantly women. It is very difficult for women to raise males. The experiences and the male bonding will not be there. But the one thing that women can do is to get them to focus on the purpose of God for their lives.
More than ever, males do not have an awareness of their purpose. Too much time is on their hands to think about the easy life of crime and mischief.
Once a male becomes purpose minded, they will focus all their energies to achieve a specified goal. They will not stop or let anything stop them from getting to the place where their dreams will come true. And once they have achieved that goal, they set new ones so as not to relapse into childishness.
He knows how to manage being a man while making room for play as a mature adult.
His wife is secure and whole heartedly supportive. She can be depended upon to help him see that he needs to work and play.
Single women love a man that has set goals and sets out to achieve them. The moment he loses his focus, unless he regains that focus, he will never become what God intended. The right woman will help to keep him focused.
4. Relationship Minded.
When it comes to relationships, its about how a person is treated. If your wife doesn’t feel that they are being treated the way they are to be treated, then there is a problem. When you see your boyfriend or husband treat other women better than you, that’s cause for alarm.
Early in the courting phase of the relationship, women must look out for a sudden shift in how they are treated. This is the tale of the tape as far as how the relationship will be after the wedding. If you suppress or deny the “little” things, it’s just a matter of time before bigger issues come before you.
When the husband is glad to see another woman friend but is cold towards you, it’s cause for alarm. When you see them having a good conversation but when it is time to get into the car, there is no communication, no relating. Just a cold shoulder and indifferent to how you are as a person, this is a serious problem.
The situation is plain as day.
He is disinterested in you and he has his interest in someone or something else.
Men fail in this category because they were never taught how to relate to women, hence, it spills over into the marriage.
In the world of males, women are treated like a sex objects. Men still believe that women are not as smart as they are. Quite the contrary. Women are smarter than you think. Women are very complex as men are.
Women love to relate to men that connect with them emotionally and relationally. It’s all about connecting with them before and after sex. I must emphasize that sex is authorized between male and female after the wedding.
Marriage is the ongoing relationship after they have publicly committed their lives to teach other in a marriage contract. Many couples, women in particular, prepare for the wedding but are not prepared for the marriage. Women are more adept in adjusting to married life because that’s what they plan for all along. To make the marriage work.
Men are not as adept because they do not know how to turn off the “search” for women switch. This is difficult because he still thinks he’s in search mode when other women are around. As long as he properly relates to his wife, there is no need to search for anyone else.
To relate, he must learn to COMMUNICATE.
As long as he communicates properly with his wife, the relationship will last.
The moment he becomes disinterested in communicating with his wife, it is a clear indication that he is communicating with someone else. Something or someone else has his attention.
Men must communicate in a mature way and not be selfish or childish.
Brothers, go back over this and see where you need to make adjustments.
Do not be afraid. If you put away childish things and get to that place of being a man, you will no longer be looked at like a little boy in a man’s body.
By Fred C. Rochester. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.
Why do men wait to get married?
There are two basic reasons which we will get to in a moment, but the descriptions listed above are shallow reasons why males never commit to one woman. Yes, there is something much deeper that keeps him from picking the woman of his dreams.
1. Relationship Phobia
Sometimes males that were in bad relationships often shy away from commitment. As big and bad a man is, the mistimed and misunderstood words of a woman can cut him to pieces. Especially when a male fails to do right by the woman and the female let him have it. Or the female is found to do somethings and it gets to him. He pursues the issue with her and he gets cut up real bad.
In frustration and anger, he storms out of the relationship and hides for a long time.
Where does he hide?
It ranges from, the “man cave” to watch porn and gratify himself, to the bosom of another woman. Or he takes a walk to let some steam off.
As you can see, there are two sides to any relationship.
Male and female must learn to properly communicate in a relationship if there is any chance for the relationship to survive. Granted, we all know how to be nice when we want something or someone but when we are not in a good mood or we were burned once, or, perhaps we’ve had a bad day, we turn off the charm.
When a male doesn’t want to communicate, he completely shuts down. When it comes to communicatory relationships, men rarely score high in this area.
We males shut down or give very short answers.
Sometimes the short answers will not make sense, or is confusing, or fails to satisfy the female’s
inquisition, interrogation, desire to understand what her mate is trying to communicate.
This is what a man feels when a woman is very aggressive in her questioning.
It is her way of attempting to get her point across that the tone of questioning has the potential of making the man feel inferior. If a man did wrong, he should be questioned. However, timing is everything. So the man goes toe to toe and fires back or walks away in silence while being screamed at.
Short answers is a signal that he is not in a communicating mood and he does not want to talk further about the situation, for now.
As unfair it is to the female, this is not something that she should have to put up with.
Communication is a two way street.
So many couples fail in communicatory relationships because of the bullheaded unwillingness of the male to steer his anger elsewhere and talk about the issue. The other side of the failure is the never ending insistence and persistence of the female to pull on a man to tell it all. When two bullheaded persons are at it, it makes for drama. In the end, where there is no grace to resolve the issue, both are exasperated, and they have had enough.
In either case, both of them are not right.
Some will say that it is not the man’s fault that he doesn’t want to talk about the issue and it’s not the woman’s fault for attempting to pull out of him something that he may not be ready to deal with.
This is frustrating to a woman because females were designed for communicatory relationships. It is very easy for them to talk because that’s their make up. Communication is their main line that feeds and fosters connections to people. How they communicate and what is communicated is another story.
Connection is important to females because when it comes to value, worth, and esteem, how they connect and who they connect with gives them a sense of value. To be desired, loved, and wanted is necessary for them. Therefore, it is their main form of self expression.
Men can be lonely, disconnected, and isolated. When a female comes around, within a man, he brightens up the moment she is in ear or eyesight. The right words at the right time could ease the tension in the heart and mind of a man. The wrong words at the wrong time could destroy a man.
In her godly ability to communicate is the ability to nurture, build up, and esteem her mate.
When demonically inspired, it can destroy a man.
When a male is coming out of past relationships, it takes a male longer to heal because in the soul of a man is the ability to compartmentalize. The soul of a man is deep and has many places where he could store wounds, bad episodes, and drama. When I say deep. I am not kidding. He could be bleeding inside and you, as a woman may or may not be aware of it.
When he is not ready to talk about it, it’s because he is protecting two essential things in him. His image called “male ego” and his ability to “handle his business.” If these two things are disturbed in any way, his weakness is revealed and his manhood is ridiculed.
Women are emotionally designed to relate and connect. For a male not to relate is a clear indication that there is something deeply imbedded within him that he will not pull up until healing occurs. At the right moment, when he feels safe he will tell all.
2. Playing The Field
The woman of his “dreams” is a sex object found in porn, loose women, scantily clad women that walk the streets, leaving nothing to be desired, or conservative dressing woman that he easily undresses with his shameful mind, the bathing suit women on magazine stands and clothing catalogues (substitute porn), and his world of false intimacy and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, deeply rooted in his flesh and wild imagination.
He would never, in his right mind, marry an immoral woman because of her seductive qualities that attract a better looking man than himself.
In all actuality the real woman of his dreams is always found on the communicative relationship connection. She knows his heart, not just what’s below his waist. Her inner qualities of understanding him is the true attraction. He can confide in her because her heart is after God.
She gives to him what no other woman is qualified or graced to give.
Godly counsel from the Lord.
Cheap sex is demonically and deceptively “safer” for a man because he will not have to engage in fostering an ongoing relationship. There is no reason for this ungodly activity because it only leads to more sin and it further darkens his callous spirit. Through these activities, he is deceived into thinking that this is his only way of releasing sexual tension and achieving satisfaction. Through sin, he believes that he can resolve his issues. In sin, there is no satisfaction or resolution. Only remorse and death (see Romans 6:23 and James 1:14-15).
Sexual intercourse between male and female is designed and authorized within the marriage to physically express their deep love for each other, and to help married couples stay bonded, spirit, soul, and body.
When a man has had many women, he is soul tied to many women and will never escape the spiritual and emotional connections that ultimately disconnects him from God. As long as a man is spiritual disconnected from God, he cannot truly connect to a woman.
It’s called “holy matrimony.”
Godly soul ties is a benefit of marriage that keeps the entire relationship safe.
According to a report, if a man that is married engages in an adulterous relationship, he opens himself to an aggressive form of prostate cancer.
When it comes to immorality, the measure of the kind of woman that he wants is only from one place.
What he wants in his bedroom is only for self satisfaction purposes, and is only for healing emotional wounds and pains. He is using the reward drug “dopamine” as a medicinal property to heal such wounds inflicted in past relationships.
This is sin according to Matthew 5:27-28.
When a man is still a “player,” he will continue to do so for a couple of reasons.
1. He plays the hearts of single women looking for a husband.
He says the key words that make a vulnerable and almost desperate woman, give up the store.
“I love you. You look gorgeous. I’ll take care of you.”
2. He throws money, dinner, and nice things at her to keep her interested as a means of making sure she doesn’t go to anyone else.
Sadly, many woman do not even get to the altar to get married. They hold on and hold out for so long, and they never get to turn their dreams into reality.
Most women will not walk away from a conniving male. Some will throw themselves away sexually in an attempt to keep him because of these unfulfilled “promises.” Sadly, they are willing to put up with his loose living just to have somebody.
It’s sad that a woman of value will endure a long bad relationship that she knows is going no where just to say that “at least I have a man.” There comes a point where lying to yourself is a revelation of a longing in your heart for the situation to turn for the better, knowing that you are being held back.
God has better for you. And you know it.
The one thing that is in women is the ability to “trust.” Words, even deceptive words and empty promises are held on to forever.
Why do males do this?
When there are other women that use their “femininity” to make men bow down at their altar of lust, it is a form of power over a weak willed man. In essence, it is the player in reverse. This is the other side of the spectrum. The Bible calls these kinds of women, “the immoral woman’ (see Proverbs 5:3, 20, 7:5, 22:14).
But the moral woman suffers more because they are doing their best to live godly and hold themselves. Almost to the point of being penalized for being godly. We must remember, that the Lord sees what you are doing and He will reward you for your faithfulness to Him. And it seems like the men get away with it everyday. But that is not the case. Men pay for their mistakes.
Every male that has planted a seed in the ground of immorality always gets a bumper crop harvest (see Galatians 6:7-8).
Not one male has ever failed to receive the reward of the wicked according to Romans 6:23.
Ask any man that made the “mistake” and never paid for it.
It is just a matter of time.
Babies out of wedlock, STDs, and other issues. Child support and hospital visits to ease the pain of STDs. Condoms is the lie of the century. It’s just a matter of time when failure will occur. Your number is sure to come up because the failure rate is higher than the government figures are willing to release.
And sooner or later, you will get tired of stopping to put one on. You want live action. Fool, it’s just a matter of time. And guess who pays for the mistake more than males?
Women. And the children born if they make it past abortion, foster homes, and abandonment.
Ladies, if you would do one thing. Make him work for it, you will show that you are more valuable than you think. Make him put a ring on your finger and stay faithful to you.
If you really want to show your “power” over a male, all you have to do is shut it down. You are not supposed to give up your virginity any way because your virginity is sacred. Your virginity is worth more than all the gold and money on the earth. Your stock would soar when you demand marriage.
Sadly, we all know what happens. Another loose woman comes along and gives him sex and the fool hearty male will watch the fruit of his years go by. Looking at another generation of children brought into the world to continue the sad cycle of a generational curse.
Males won’t get married because they feel that when they are tied to one woman, they cannot have the fun of sex without relational wounds. However, as time progress, they will have to learn how to relate.
I read a story of a man that played the field. For years he would deceive women until one day, at age 60, he decides to settle down. Males marry late because he is able to deceive single women and get only one thing from them.
By the time they are 35 and 40, they decide to settle on one woman. They have children and he is running around after children late in life. Both the husband and wife, at age 40+, is chasing after 3 and 4 year olds. Too tired to be the kind of parents they need to be.
Granted, the economic conditions of our times is not helping people make early decisions to get married in their 20’s and start a family before 25. The cost of living is incredible. We are seeing unemployment at staggering rates. The poverty rate for 2010/2011 is at 15.1%.
For African Americans, the unemployment rate is double that of whites at between 16 and 18%.
The economic conditions of our day has certainly put a delay on getting married early. However, males still play the field for free. It’s called “cheap sex.” Sex without marital price.
What is the answer to this because there are many single women looking to get married but the males are unresponsive. Throw into the mix the fact that males are now entering into either bisexual relationships or out right homosexual relationships. This further erodes the chances for single women to find an available male.
The answer is clear.
Everyone must return to the Lord. Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Establishing a relationship with the Father, through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. This is where it all starts. The Bible is consistent that when people turn to the Lord, the conditions change. The starting point is repentance. The maintenance part is regularly worshipping God. Fellowshipping with the saints of God and practicing the Word of God.
You never know when the Lord will bring you to a place where a man is waiting on you to marry.
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We look forward to serving you as our guest at Prevailing Word Ministries, in the matchless name of Jesus!