The saying goes,
Never judge a book by its cover.”
The flirty dirty cover.
But when it comes to porn and lusting after the flesh, the only concern is the cover.
The cover is what attracts the eyes.
It’s the deception that within the beauty of a body, there’s nothing wrong.
The beauty is PERFECT!!!
That’s the world of porn.
But it’s may also be true for marriage.
Men get attracted to a beautiful woman. They both play nice to a degree, and as soon as the marriage ceremony seals the deal, the book is open and the real story is read.
Porn operates the same way.
The cover lured you and you become a part of her book.
The bad part.
Granted. Not all books are bad.
Both the man and the woman did their due diligence in opening up the book to read what’s in it. Granted, the book of people’s lives is on going. We may never read it all. Sometimes, life does happen, but if you could get to the intent of the book as much as you can, the bad things that can and will happen could be mitigated.
But every now and then, the cover obscures the trap.
They don’t call it the Venus fly trap for nothing.
In marriage, after consummation, the story comes out.
All the things you thought you knew begin to unfold.
The wedding wasn’t the issue. You may have had a little spat, or many spats, but you were able to suppress it and compromise. But sometimes, people do go overboard. It gets ugly. In some cases, so ugly that you call off the wedding.
You’ve tried desperately to compromise but the anger and fierceness of the moment or moments was just too much to bear.
What does this have to do with porn?
Men are driven into the bosom of another woman over such things.
Men rarely investigate past the cover. Men rarely see something and say something about it. But on the other hand, some do. They see tendencies, habits, and other issues that could make or break a relationship.
The one thing that chase some men away from some women is the controlling and manipulation.
Don’t think for one moment that men don’t control or manipulate.
In some cases, men may be worse than women.
Each one want something and in order to get it, they will use control and manipulation to get it.
In a pre wedding situation, certain tests should take place.
Boundaries, territories, pro’s, con’s, likes, dislikes, attitudes, mind sets, religious beliefs, foods, drinks, child raising, living habits, hygiene, education, jobs, finances, attire, recreational habits, and other areas.
They all get tested.
The key is time.
Few people are willing to take their time and examine carefully a person.
Some go as far as private investigations, background checks, family visitations, friend visitation, employment visitations, etc.
You want to know what you’re getting into.
But the cover masks all these areas until the test comes.
The sex (whether moral or immoral) is what you wanted and got but you didn’t count on the story. The drama. The hidden agenda. The controlling. The manipulating. The anger. The frustration. The constant bickering. The boisterous mouth. The lying. The cheating. The put downs. The smile as the blade pierces your back.
The one place where men are driven to when they’re hurt is porn and masturbation. Pretending to have sex with that woman on the screen.
Deeply fantasizing having sex and not dealing with the relationship.
But even if there’s no drama, over time, the cover loses its attractiveness.
When a couple get passed a certain safe zone, their physical attraction is less important. After the wedding ceremony, you got what you wanted. For the man, sex. For the woman, marriage. Then there’s no need to “upkeep” especially after having children.
For the most part, the cover lost it’s beauty, and for the male, he loses his strength. But he never lost the ability to look and be stimulated sexually.
But over time, eventually, his ability to perform in the bedroom slows down.
As you age, you adjust.
It’s called settling down.
However, the gym can do wonders for both the male and female.
Maintaining the cover is a life long pursuit.
This one act of maintaining the cover of the book could save many marriages.
Vitality will be lost one day, but you could slow down its affect.
The winds of destroying marriages are around.
Many believe that when you age in marriage, it doesn’t matter about the cover.
You have a right to that thought, but just imagine if you did your part to maintain the cover for as long as you could?
It may save the marriage relationship.
So, the cover to attract is there as well as what’s in the book.
According to the Scriptures, fornication is a clear violation of the Word of God.
Equally appalling in this show is when people profess to be believers in Christ and deliberately engage in what Christ and others in the Bible prohibits.
Jesus said in Matthew 15:19 (NKJV Strong’s) “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”
In this show, the temptation for sexual immorality is very high.
The seductress and the lust-mongers are prepared to engage in sex before marriage.
This is nothing new.
People engage in premarital sex every day.
But when you see a professed believer on the show make a decision to no longer engage in fornication, and then share that belief with a person prepared to engage in fornication, according to the world, it’s a very unacceptable position.
In fact. You are judging them.
The rule of the world, when you watch this show and other like it, is to see two people engage in sex before marriage.
To refuse to follow the story line, expecting two persons to engage in premarital sex, is a violation of their progressive sexual liberality.
Fornication is the world’s gauge for marriage. They deceptively believe………good sex equal good marriage.
Sex before marriage is no guarantee that the marriage will be good.
They deceptively believe that love for each other is determined in the bedroom, before vows are exchanged.
It’s punishable by their law of sin and death if you don’t have sex before marriage, and they have a hell to put you in.
But it’s not just sexual immorality with one person.
We’re talking about multiple partners in this show.
I have to admit that I’ve never seen the show (and I won’t), but just the fact that in reading other articles about this show, it’s easy to conclude that multiple sexual partners is the standard.
But look at the harm fornication has caused.
Abortions. Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
We’ll never know the stories of some of these people that may have engaged in fornication. Whether or not a child may have been aborted. Or the sexually transmitted diseases acquired.
It’s quite possible that none of these things took place, but we’ll never know.
To take a stand against premarital sex reminds me of the peer pressure experienced when the question is asked whether you’re a virgin or not.
If you were a virgin, you were ridiculed.
Today, no matter your beliefs, no matter what the settled forever Scriptures declare, sexual immorality is covered by grace.
This is false.
Grace is not permission. 1 John 1:8-9 & 2:1-2 is not a revolving credit line of forgiveness.
Jesus didn’t die for our sins so that we could continue in sin (see Romans 6:1).
God is not demanding perfection. God demands obedience to Him and His Word.
His grace is sufficient and we’re to count in all joy when we fall into various trials and testings (see James 1:3 and 2 Corinthians 12:9).
The power and guilt of sin was removed by the Lord. As long as we walk in the Spirit, and according to the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus, we’re not condemned (see Romans 8:1-2).
Paul also said in Corinthians 11:31-32 (NKJV Strong’s) “If we judge ourselves, we would not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world.”
Sin enters our lives by our permission to sin, but before sin enters, we decide to discontinue obeying Him and His Word. That’s why 1 Corinthians 10:13 is there. The Lord gives us a way of escape and will not allow temptation be beyond what you’re able….so that we’re able to bear it.
Grace is God forgiving us even though we deserve His wrath. His mercy prevents what we rightfully deserve. God is swift in mercy, gracious and kind, but when we provoke Him, and falsely assume that He would forgive us, we run the risk of abusing His patience and long-suffering.
It seriously brings into question our repentance and status as adherents of Christ. Are we crucified? Are we saved? Are we true believers? Are we truly delivered and set free? Are we practitioners of righteousness or practitioners of sin? Do we have dual citizenship, a citizen of His kingdom while being a citizen of satan’s kingdom?
Could light fellowship with darkness? (see 2 Corinthians 6:14-18).
Is there sin in heaven? Is there holy people in hell?
And this is where this bachelorette that profess to believe that Jesus doesn’t mind is wrong.
The Scriptures gives us guidance and we have the power of choice to accept or reject the Scriptures. However, professed believers do not have the right to alter the Scriptures to fit their sinning lifestyle. This encourages other young believers that engage in fornication to do the same.
The Scriptures doesn’t give us license to sin and then gives anyone permission to violate the Scriptures.
Proverbs 30:5-6 (NKJV Strong’s) “Every word of God is pure;
He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
Do not add to His words,
Lest He rebuke you, and you be found a liar.”
We don’t get to alter the Word.
The Word when obeyed is given to change us. We don’t change the Word.
So if you’ve seen this episode, if you’re a true believer, you see the self deception. But also you see a twisting of the Scriptures.
When you’re involved in sexual immorality, and the Scriptures are brought to bear on them and others, some of you will say, “No harm, no foul.”
And there are others that agree with them.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Hebrews 13:4, and Revelation 21:8 stands against you.
You could read the article from Christian Post here
After you’ve started going out with him, he shows that he is responsible. Has a good paying job. Equally important, he makes every effort to treat you like the woman he would want to marry. Over the course of the courtship, you’ve shown that you are a great help in his life. He trusts your “help” and you have been there, supportive of most of the things he purposes to do in life.
You’ve found that you compliment each other, and he finally reaches a point to where you are indispensable. He depends upon you and you depend upon him.
He takes his time because that’s the way it is with most men. Most men take more time than a woman is willing to understand. He is about to commit to one woman and for most men, it’s the most challenging aspect of relationships.
Marriage is a very important, life changing event.
He spent some time making up his mind. For most women, way too much time. He worked hard to muster up the courage to propose. He worked hard to give you an indication that he is the right man.
“Mr. Right” is hard to come by these days. But unbeknownst to women, with for every 3 or 4 woman to 1 man, Mrs. Right is just as hard to come by too.
Most women think that it should be an easy choice, but it isn’t.
The Lord said in the Word of God that “What God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Meaning that the union is part of the plan of God. However, the Bible also says, “He that finds a wife, finds good, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
The man must spend time finding the right one that is right for him.
Not every man is right and not every woman is right.
God certainly doesn’t join incompatible people. It doesn’t make any sense to get married, separate over irreconcilable differences, and later, end it all in divorce. Matthew 19:4-10 is a good reason why it doesn’t make any sense.
As a note, when you see two people constantly going head to head over major and trivial issues without reconciliation, it is a good indication that the signs of incompatibility exists and to ignore these signs is no different than reading a sign “DEAD END,” but you keep driving, disbelieving in complete ignorance what that sign said.
That’s what makes courting so challenging and in some cases, rewarding for both prospective couples.
Up to the last moment, before the proposal, he is still calculating, analyzing, and critiquing his decision. He wants to be absolutely sure that she is the one.
A man will go through a maze of certain aspects and questions that brings him to a decision or indecision. He becomes more deliberate in his deliberation. Sometimes to the point of second guessing and over-analysis that brings some men to a point of mental paralysis.
This form of “hesitation” is exhibited in a change of his behavior.
Over the course of the courtship, a few events will always transpire that will bring questions to each couple. So challenging that sometimes, Mr. Right and Miss. Right will question themselves if their relationship is wrong.
But this is where they begin to really see each other under pressing and stressing conditions. Whether they could weather through some turbulent times in just the planning of the wedding.
The woman is looking for her fiancé to approve the details of the wedding. Some men like to be that involved and others, for the most part, will not be as involved. It is not a sign that he is disinterested because he is probably thinking about other issues.
Where to live?
Will his job be enough to handle the addition of another person?
Children isn’t on his mind but in any marriage, children will add to the stress for both.
The wedding day is the most important day for a woman. For the man too but in a different way.
She meticulously plans every detail. She puts her every effort to make that day the most memorable moment of her life.
On that day, it’s all about the bride.
She accepted the proposal of her new male fiancé and in her mind, she releases her excitement. That moment becomes the pinnacle of her life.
After the excitement of accepting the proposal, with her new engagement ring to “flash” around to her girlfriends, she shifts gears. Or she is modest about it but other females begin to notice what’s on her left ring finger that wasn’t there yesterday.
She discusses the date of her wedding with her fiancé, which is normal because all other plans hinge on establishing the date of matrimony.
But what about her fiancé?
He is excited that his fiancé accepted his proposal.
With planning a wedding, many women want to know if her fiancé is equally excited about the planning aspect. She wants to feel that her fiancé is involved and interested.
It is here that many women feel that they are sometimes all alone when he seems disinterested.
Any feedback is met with a man’s “generalized” answers that seem distant, cold and disconnected. That connection that you once had when the proposal came, became a distant memory.
But is there a disconnection?
For most men, the connection is still there whether he says something or not.
He hasn’t changed his mind and is confident in his selection. Otherwise, he would not have proposed.
What goes on in the mind of a man when a woman begins planning the wedding?
As the day of matrimony gets closer, he is concentrating on what’s about to happen afterwards. While you are planning the wedding, you too are also planning for what is abut to happen afterwards, but it all begins with your arrangement of the most important day of your life.
The man is going through several things.
He is establishing his mentality.
What does that mean?
It means that he is mentally preparing himself to live with you. And you are already doing the same. Whether you realize it or not, as the day gets closer, the nerves get uneasy. It’s normal because neither of you have been this way before.
The “unknown” has a way of doing this.
It means that he is determining what needs to be done just like you are determining what needs to be done.
There is no need to “PUSH” each other and apply more pressure on top of the pressure each of you is experiencing.
It seems like he is going in the opposite direction but unbeknownst to you, it is in tandem with what you are doing.
It is here that attitudes will adjust or fly off the handle. Nervousness of the unknown, and “Murphy’s Law” will be in operation. While no one wants anything to go wrong, either with the planning of the wedding or the marriage, it is here that you may see the best bonding take place.
Spiritually and emotionally.
In the end, you will say “It was worth it all.”
You will have a wealth of memories and experience to pass to the next generation when you have children. You will see them go through the same thing and both of you will smile.
The challenge is to learn how to read each other in a caring way so as not to further frazzle each other’s nerves.
While the wedding planning is going on, it’s about perfection. But equally important, you are each learning about each other in ways never seen or experienced before.
To make the most of that day, look to not get on each other’s nerves by “walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh.” It is very easy to fly off the handle when things go wrong.
And they will go wrong.
How you take the pressure off of each other will go a long ways to bonding.
Learn to have each other’s best interest in mind instead of looking to let the pressure of the moment cause you to say hurtful things and make regrettable decisions that carry over into the marriage.
When you continue to bicker and fight over issues, the heat of anger could blind people. Almost to the point of calling off the wedding. It’s been done before.
Both of you are under considerable pressure.
The least you could do is exasperate the situation(s).
Sometimes, it could mean that each of you need a light moment.
A break from planning would be nice. Yes, you are under time constrains but never put more pressure on yourself than you need. You will find that it will all work itself out.
As a woman, you want your fiancé involved because you are about to bond. If it appears that he seems like he is not involved as you think he should be, just remember, he hasn’t changed his mind. To add more to each other’s plate is not the best thing to do. To establish “ultimatums” to get your fiancé to respond to you isn’t healthy either.
Remember, a man usually will not see things the way that you do, and it’s the same for the woman. Two different view points doesn’t necessarily indicate a rift in the relationship.
Are you willing to accept his view point?
Are you willing to accept her view point?
Is it grounds for postponement? Annulment?
Usually, it isn’t.
There is just as much pressure on him that it is on you. At this point, you do not think so, but just know that both of you are under pressure. What will you do to make things better as opposed to making things unbearable is up to you.
You could either put rocks in your bed and sleep in it or take the rocks out and sleep in a nice bed.
We all know the saying.
“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”
You’ve invited a lot of friends and what they see, or what you want them to see is that your husband to be is happy about his selection. You want everyone to know that your marriage will work.
Weddings are a show to the world that your marriage is of God, that it is right, and that it will work.
Take the time to appreciate the moment.
There will be tough times ahead, but there will be good times ahead that will make whatever bad times you’ve experienced something to look back on and smile as you age together.
Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness, the world and those who dwell therein.”
This verse ties in with Genesis 1:26-28. “Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply…”
God never said “….Be fruitful and subtract.”
These verses solves the ownership issue. That is, if you accept the Bible as final authority.
Because man refuses to accept the Bible as final authority, it is very easy for man to errantly assume that he is not under God’s authority.
But man is not without answering to any authority.
The laws that we live by came from God.
If you were to murder someone, you would be charged with a crime of homicide.
So what man has done is to make a law to circumvent the law of murder. Hence, Roe vs. Wade.
By the way, Exodus 20:13 says “You shall not kill.”
And Genesis 9:6 says, “Whoever sheds man’s blood, by man his blood shall be shed; for in the image of God He made man.”
This is absolute. So being that the law to not murder is suppressed, man is quick to sacrifice a child to cover their sin of adultery and or fornication.
That’s because they errantly assume that they are free from obeying the law to not murder anyone.
So the other lie to suppress the truth is that women believe that their body is their body.
In the heat of the argument, they refuse to see that the body inside her body is not her’s. Let alone the fact that her body is not her’s. Remember Psalm 24:1 and Genesis 1:26-28.
Psalm 100:3 says, “Know that the Lord, He is God, He has made us and not we ourselves.”
If we made ourselves, then we could declare absolute ownership.
Just like if we were to make a product, we would secure copyrights and if necessary, trademarks because if its originality, to protect your product from those seeking to infringe on your product.
God has exclusive rights to your body whether you agree with Him or not.
If you ever ask yourself the question as to why man must die, we must go to the Manufacturer to find out why.
Life comes from God and disobedience to God brought about death (see Romans 5:12).
When it comes to creation of the human body, we don’t have a clue about creating ourselves. After the initial making of humans (Adam and Eve), we can only copulate to procreate within the confines of marriage between one man and one woman.
And even within these parameters, we can’t declare ownership.
Completely understanding the complexity of the human body is still a mystery. There are some things that we still do not know about our bodies.
However, the Owner of us knows all things. It’s called Omniscience or all knowing. He is called God.
The other lie to suppress the charges of murder is “terminate a pregnancy.”
Between these two lies, man has flipped the ownership script. Man has assumed it has the right to do as he or she pleases with impunity. There is no impunity.
Guilty of adultery, fornication, and murder.
Psalm 14:1 says, “The fool has said in his heart there is no God.”
If this is your only excuse to insulate you from being charged with sexual immorality and murder, you had better reconsider. God will hold no one guiltless. Many people say that they do not fear death. It’s not death that you should fear. It’s what’s going to happen afterwards that you should fear.
Hebrews 9:27 says “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, after this the judgment.”
We all know that death is true and certain. Judgment is true too. If death is certain on one hand, judgment is true on the other hand.
One more thing.
Notice that the words underneath this adorable child ring true.
But let’s take this a step further.
Adultery and fornication is a choice made by two persons deliberately intending to sin against God and themselves. Notice what 1 Corinthians 6:18 says. “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
The choice to have sex before marriage is a sin before God. The choice to engage in sex is the one choice that will make or break a person. Many people give in to the saying, “You know that they are going to have sex.”
But you do not have to have sex before you are married or if you are a widow.
Otherwise, do what Paul admonished in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2,9 “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband….but if they (unmarried and widows) cannot exercise self- control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled but adulterers and fornicators God will judge.”
As a side note, there are many single women and widow women that struggle to maintain sexual purity. There is this acronym called HALT. In the word HALT, the definition means STOP!!!!!
In other words, before giving in to the temptations of the flesh, just stop and think about what you want to do.
HALT means HUNGRY ANGRY LONELY TIRED.
If any of these things are happening in your life, it is not the reason to engage in sexual immorality.
2 Peter 1:3-9 says “…as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self- control, to self- control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.”
That’s why it’s easy for any man or woman that is not in the Word to engage in sexual immorality. If you are a child of God, this Word, if you maintain your walk in sanctification before God, will keep you from engaging in sexual immorality.
It’s worth it because 1 Corinthians 6:9 says “Be not deceived….neither fornicators……..nor adulterers…….shall inherit the kingdom of God.”
You do not want to go to hell and burn forever for one moment of sinful pleasure. Remember, death can come at any moment. And the coming of the Lord is imminent. This should be incentive enough to abstain from every form of evil.
As far as those that is in the world, your arguments fail the standard of the Scriptures. To continue in sin is a death trap that the Lord can free you from. You need to be saved from sin, death, and hell. Jesus paid this price for you over 2015 years ago just for you.
IF you repent or reconsider your ways, seek the Lord while He may be found and call upon Him while He is near, forsaking wickedness, and your unrighteous thoughts, the Lord will abundantly pardon your sins when you place your total faith and trust in Jesus.
God will forgive you of adultery, fornication, and murder. All your sins could be washed away by the shed blood of Jesus. Apart from this salvation, there is none else that can save you should you die without having your sins pardoned in full.
Cast aside the lies of “this is MY BODY!!! and “terminating a pregnancy,” it’s not worth it. Receive the truth and come to Christ before it is too late.
I came across an article from Porn Harms regarding a girlfriend’s discovery of her boyfriend’s porn habits.
Several comments came that suggests that sex before marriage is no longer taboo but the norm. In fact, it’s expected that a boyfriend is given his girlfriend’s virginity.
The other comments pretty much demanded that the girlfriend “dump” him because of his sinful porn habit.
With the observance of porn exponentially increasing, should you dump him, there is a good chance that the next boyfriend you choose is doing the same thing. Or he has seen porn. Are they sex addicts? It all depends on the frequency.
An addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop a habit.
Paul call it, “…Youthful lusts…”In other words, the young pursuing that which is forbidden.
When you are objectifying the body of a woman, the man’s mind becomes inundated and obsessed with touching her. If he can’t touch her, images drives his sex drive towards releasing sexual tension. If he can’t touch her, he masturbates.
Already in his mind, he is infatuated with her and seeks to release sexual tension.
Most boys use the excuse that since they do not want to impregnate you, he goes solo. But for the young, it’s just a matter of time before he puts pressure on the girlfriend to have sex. If she isn’t disciplined, she will give up what is most prized. Her virginity. At one time, it was considered a shame to fornicate.
Today it is normal and expected.
The suppressing of the shame is easily made and the sex is sinfully justified.
Being a harlot or a whore used to be enough for most women to abstain from making the mistake of sex before marriage. Now, it’s not a big deal.
In fact, according to the spirit operating in the sons of disobedience, it’s normal.
Sadly, abstaining is not the thing to do among the wicked and among those that profess to be righteous.
Whether it is girlfriend talk, locker room talk, Sunday School talk, or youth group talk, it is now taboo to admit that you are still a virgin.
Addiction to a sex act to fulfill his own sexual fantasies without the relationship is the name of the game with young boys. Your husband or boyfriend is not watching porn and then going to bed.
There is no question in my mind that he is participating in his mind and (to put it bluntly), feeling himself sexually. It’s called masturbation or solo sex. Billions of men throughout the world are occasional to chronic masturbators that started in the youth.
This habit may have started in his youth after being exposed to porn or substitute porn. The inquisitiveness leads to other areas readily accessible on the Internet. The Internet is the number one place where information travels faster than you think.
According to The Internet Filter Review, in one second, 28,258 persons will have click a sex site. In a revised figure, 2.8 billions persons, at the end of 24 hours will click onto a porn site.
Porn is a worldwide pandemic and it appears that there is no hope.
Many agree that porn is responsible for the destruction of many marriages.
It is clear that porn is a major part of the problem because porn models and the sex they are acting out is perfect. However, lust in the heart of man is responsible. The only thing that porn did was be made available to him as an accelerant. Lust is the fire and porn feeds fuel to that fire.
A dominating male and a sexually submissive female. It’s the kind of sex that he wants without being denied.
One comment was said that “give him the kind of sex he is looking for,” or words to that affect.
Mind you, the comment was given to try to prevent losing that boy as a boyfriend. It is clear that most married couples have a very difficult time expressing to each other the kind of mutual sex they are looking to have. And we must conclude that there is no guarantee that when you give a man the kind of sex he is watching on porn, that he will be satisfied.
This is a clear misnomer.
Granted, there are millions of partners that watch porn to “spice up” their sex life.
Let’s be clear about what the Bible says.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 tells us that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Hebrews 13:4 tells us that God will judge adulterers and fornicators.
Revelation 21:8 tells us that the sexually immoral will have their part in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.
There is no gray area. There is no room for error. There is no wiggle room. There is no exceptions.
Since God created man, God created the laws that govern man. Our death proves that accountability is required.
Hebrews 9:27 says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, after this the judgment.”
If death is true on one hand, judgment is true on the other.
Since no one escapes death. No one escapes judgment.
So as a girlfriend, let’s say that you know the Lord, and you’ve discovered that your boyfriend is into porn, the first disrespect is towards God. We all know that you may be hurt, but God was hurt first. As a believer, you must maintain God’s position on porn first.
Ezekiel 18:20 says “The soul who sins shall die.”
Your boyfriend has committed a serious sin that places him in jeopardy of losing eternal life with Christ.
Because the pleasure is just seemingly too much to give up, this is the least of his worries. But life does happen. Things can happen in a moment. A car accident. Heart attack. Sudden illness that leads to death. It doesn’t happen all the time, but you don’t want your number to come up.
Sadly, in life, everyone’s number will come up.
Listen to Ecclesiastes 8:8 “No one has power over the spirit to retain the spirit, and no one has power in the day of death. There is no release from that war, and wickedness will not deliver those who are given to it.”
If this is not enough, look at verse 11-13……..“Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.
Though a sinner does evil a hundred times, and his days are prolonged, yet I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God, who fear before Him. But it will not be well with the wicked; nor will he prolong his days, which are as a shadow, because he does not fear before God.”
So another reason why he continues in porn is because, up to this point, he wasn’t judged for it. What the Lord is doing is operating on grace, mercy, in hopes that he would turn from his wicked ways and repent. I’ve found that sometimes incremental consequential judgment isn’t enough for a man to turn from his sexual sins.
In defiance to God because the pleasure of ejaculation is too great for some men and women to give up, they continue on.
Look at Proverbs 22:3.
“A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.”
John 3:19 says, “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.”
Then you have the expounding of Jesus of the parable of the sower in Luke 8:11-15.
“Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.
Those by the wayside are the ones who hear; then the devil comes and takes away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.
But the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away.
Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity.
But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”
The pleasures of life is sexual immorality.
Then 2 Timothy 3:1-4 in portions “For men will be lovers of themselves…without self- control…headstrong, haughty (proud and lifted up in defiant pride), lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
These are the things that a wife or a girlfriend will face.
What is she to do?
If it’s just a boyfriend situation, your options are wide open. If you confront him, expect him to be very defensive. Porn and masturbation is an idol on the level of Goliath. The strength of this demon is more than what people think. While porn and masturbation is no match for the power of God, the man must be willing to walk away from these things if he is going to be free.
Billions of men have sought to break free and the vast majority of them refuse to walk away because the pleasure, to them is too great to give up.
How did I break from this?
I wanted God more than me. I had to crucify daily my desires to have self pleasure. My love for God need to rise of my pleasure to please me by myself. A man must be willing to break his silence and secrecy. If he refuses to break his silence and secrecy, he will remain in bondage.
I had to look at who I was hurting.
Yes, my wife and family but who did I hurt first?
When you get a revelation of how hurt God was, you refuse to hurt Him like that ever again. This spills over into your wife and family. You do not ever want to see them in pain and agony. Masturbation is a form of selfishness. You are looking out for you. Your boyfriend or husband is looking out for himself to meet his needs without the affects of relational situations common in marriages.
If you choose to confront your husband or boyfriend, if you know the Lord, spend quality time in the Scriptures and prayer.
Get as many Christian resources to understand porn addiction and masturbation.
You must not blame yourself for his porn habit. Sure things could trigger things to where he walks away after a negative confrontation on an unrelated issue. But to assume blame for his lust is just the enemy placing guilt on the wrong person or on both person’s simultaneously.
Porn is perfect sin that attracts a male that is sexually out of control.
Even women that look beautiful and never did porn are intimidated by porn’s perfection.
Do not try to minister to him like you are the expert. The information provided in the resources are there to help you understand the dark world of porn and masturbation. If he is just your boyfriend, you haven’t learned to read him like you would read him as your husband. It takes time to understand his emotional make-up, mood changes, etc.
The world of sex is just a physical activity to him. He has yet to realize that it’s purpose is for bonding with one person, procreation, and pleasure between monogamous persons, male and female.
There is a danger that he will be silent for a long time because he was discovered to do that which he wanted to keep secret. To force him to talk will push him further away from you. He is defensive like a clam or turtle. In time, the clam will open up and the turtle will come out of its defensive shell.
Sadly, it will take a while, but if you are patient, the rewards are great.
Porn and masturbation is his idol. To give up something that he is worshipping is going to take countless hours of prayer and fasting. Find time to share with other women that has already gone down this path. Not every story has a happy ending because a man chooses to remain in bondage. God is not responsible when a man decides to remain in bondage.
God renders an account to no man.
It’s always man that has to render an account to God.
But there are happy endings that do happen.
God was not caught off guard with this. He wasn’t surprised.
So there is still hope for your husband’s or boyfriends complete deliverance.
“With God all things are possible.”
The devil has never been known to win. Sin never wins.
Just know that the Lord is with you in your trouble.
Each situation is different, so be prepared for everything.
It’s no longer a surprise that porn is in the bedroom.
In fact, mostly, it’s in the bedroom before the marriage.
Many wives are wondering if their husbands will ever break this thing, however, a man cannot break porn and masturbation by himself. It takes the power of God and a willingness to do without it.
Before we engage in this topic, we see that single parenting is a major issue because of the times we are living in.
It is getting rarer these days to marry a virgin.
Back in the day, if you say that you were a virgin, you were laughed at, ridiculed, and scorned.
Sex was a right of passage for teens but little did we know the repercussions.
Approximately 5% to 7% of African Americans in the 1950’s and 1960’s were single parents.
The shame of having a child out of wedlock reverberated in the neighborhood. Families were the bedrock of African American society. Partly because the majority of them attended church. However, I will say that just because you attend a church service doesn’t mean that you were automatically saved. However, we see that living according to the Word of God was more important.
We also see that in those days, there was the element of the world. Jazz clubs and other worldly influences did affect families. It wasn’t as neat as we think back in the day.
In the progressive liberalism and moderate conservativeness 21st Century, it is estimated that 72% of African American children live in a single parent home.
It is clear that the sexual activity has exponentially increased over the last 6 decades.
Therefore, it is safe to say that a great portion of males and females will enter into their marriage sexually active.
While there is much to blame as far as the external temptations around, it appears that the church is the least consulted place because of the Bible’s prohibition on free for all sex.
Women suffer the most because sexually active men have more than one partner. They have themselves when they masturbate, but when they want a body, like male lions, they seek their “pride.”
Pride, in the sense that they have multiple females to choose from that is willing to give up the sexual use of their bodies for free. On the other hand, it’s the same with females. They look for willing males that will give up the use of their bodies, money, and other trinkets that go with having sex for free.
There is a small contingent of women that look for male companionship without marriage because of careers, jobs, and other issues.
However, for the female virgin that saves themselves for their husband, it is safe to say that they may encounter a sexually experienced, active male. The sexually active male brings into the bedroom several women because according to 1 Corinthians 6:16 “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”
So depending on his sexual habits, he is bringing many women into the marriage bed.
However, there is another thing that has to be considered.
Since the Lord declared that “sight adultery” is no different than “physical adultery,” the male must dump them all for the one he selected to marry. It’s the same with the woman. She too must do a soul dump of all her sexual partners if she was sexually active.
How is that done?
That’s done by the power of God and the male or the female that was sexually active renounce all soul ties, connections, and associations. Never to return to them again or to make new ones in the future.
This sight adultery is also the pornography that a man or woman watched.
When they act out sexually while watching porn, they are joining themselves to that image.
There are times that a man will want to have sex. During that time of sex with his wife, he takes his wife to where he was. He attempts to engage in sexual positions observed in porn films.
During a counseling session, a woman said that when she was having sex with her husband, she felt dirty. There is no question in my mind that what he was doing was pretending to have sex with that image on the screen in his mind. The things in his heart and mind were transferred into the marriage bedroom, and the spirit of that porn invaded their bedroom.
When the wife is forced into performing like a porn star, she will feel what that woman felt on the porn set. Like a dirty piece of flesh. Should she comply with her husband’s perverted wishes, she will be expected to do that and worse. That’s why when you hear about wives shooting their husbands or mutilated their husbands, it’s not far fetched that she wanted to stop feeling like a piece of meat.
She probably communicated to her husband that she didn’t want to be treated this way and he blew his top. Men get frustrated very easy when they can’t have sex a certain way. So they, in disgust and frustration find a willing prostitute or adulteress to get what he wants. That’s because in his mind, he has burned in his consciousness that what he sees another man experience was enjoyable, and he desires to enjoy sex in that way.
Wives should not have to put up with a man’s childish request. If the wife is uncomfortable with what the husband requests, then he need to back off.
And if you think that is something, there was an incident not too long ago when a woman either shot or stabbed her husband because of “bad sex.”
He got his orgasm but she didn’t.
I know that this is blunt but this what goes on.
She was so mad that she killed him or she shot him and he lived, I can’t remember.
It is necessary for the pastor to get as much information about sexuality so that he or she could engage the prospectus couple in real conversations regarding their sexuality. It is safe to say that the prospectus bridegroom may have observed porn and masturbated. He may not have had sex with other women, but he is sexually active with himself.
A wife must be prepared for the fact that he will have engaged in self sex and may not be satisfied sexually.
As a child of God, we are to be like Jesus. Conformed into His image according to Romans 8:29. If Jesus never masturbated, neither should we. We must remember that we have the fruit of the Spirit called “self control.”
The same self control that Jesus employed when He walked the earth. If we cannot control ourselves sexually, then we may not have the fruit of the Spirit called self control working in us on the level of the Lord Jesus. Jesus sympathizes with us because He was tempted in “all points” (see Hebrews 4:12-16).
For the wife that may be a virgin and may have never engaged in masturbation, her husband’s masturbation habit will frustrate her. While the world will say that this is normal sexual activity for men, it isn’t. Masturbation is a selfish act that men engage in for extracurricular sex. For the most part, mental adultery takes place to further stimulate the man.
When a man engages in masturbation, as Pastor Roger Jamison of Sword of the Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn NY said that masturbation is the beginning stages of homosexuality. Also that masturbation is one of the ways in which man loves himself and affirms himself. However, the bottom line of all masturbation is “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.”
So ladies, when you are about to tie the knot, just remember that your husband may have issues that must be resolved. And ladies, it’s not going to take one session. When it comes to male sexuality, it takes a while for a man to feel safe to open up about his secrecy. As long as his image is concealed, he can play the game until he is exposed, or he exposes it himself.
Additionally, women that engage in masturbation fall prey to the same issues. In the world of women, concealment of stuff is no different. In her “nip and tuck” world, she want to project an image that is flawless. Shame affects us all but for a woman, shame affects her persona. What others think of her does have an affect. However, when it comes to sin, the shame of sin affects us all regardless of the secret. Regardless of what we do to mask the shame.
What matters in a relationship is honesty and integrity. Marriages that survive and abound are the ones where there is brutal honesty between two persons, seeking to make the best marriage that could stand the tests, trials, and troubles that will come.
There are many pastors and believers that are unaware of the “ironclad” rules of divorce as dictated by the Lord Jesus and concurred by Paul.
For years, we have seen people get married. Then, for any other reason, except sexual immorality, get a divorce and get married again, and again.
Reducing marriage to whoredom and harlotry (see Leviticus 20:1-24).
What did Jesus say about divorce?
He didn’t say much but what He said packs a punch in the world’s system where a “do over” is permitted.
For years, we’ve watched what the Lord Jesus observed with the woman of Samaria without caring what The Lord intended in Genesis 2:24, and we wonder why LGBT is seemingly successful in wrestling marriage away from God’s people (see John 4:1-26).
Having 5 men and living with one that isn’t her husband. Clearly a violation of the law. Although the Samaritans, by the way, are cousins of the Jews, yet, they still claim to worship the Lord. We find this similar pattern with believers of the Lord Jesus today. We claim to worship at a place but we do not worship the Lord in spirit and in truth.
There are millions of believers that have divorced for any other reason except sexual immorality.
We have done what Jesus mentioned in Matthew 15.
“…transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition.”
The world permits marriage after divorce as many times as you want, but what does the Word of God say?
What did Jesus say?
To me, we have completely ignored what the Lord said and called it “love.”
Doesn’t this argument sound familiar?
The homosexuals call it “love” because they believe that if two persons of the same sex love each other, they have a right to be married.
Well where did they get that from?
From the people that believe that if they divorce, they are entitled to be married to another, and another.
To be married again is only permitted if a spouse commits adultery and the one that didn’t commit adultery has a right to remarry, provided that they do not marry a person that is divorced.
Yet, we have circumvented the Word of God, completely ignored what the Lord Jesus said, and acted like the world to marry, divorce, and marry again at will. This is partly the reason why sexual immorality is increasing in the people that profess to know Jesus. When divorce is an option, people will exercise that option. When the Lord Jesus closed the option, He wanted to make sure that we get the message.
That marriage is for life.
The Lord put Proverbs 18:22 there for a reason.
“He that finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
When it comes to seeking a wife, brothers, you have to take your time and make sure that you know that this is the one for life.
It’s called due diligence.
In other words, make sure it’s the one you want. If not, Paul’s admonition is excellent.
It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
Ladies, you cannot be so quick to “lock him down.”
Do your due diligence.
Do not ignore your intuition guided by the Holy Spirit. Those warning signals are there for a reason. Do not push it aside because you are about to get married.
Those signs are there to be read. If you go past the stop signal or sign, it’s on you.
There are a lot of people that are ill-prepared for the rigors of marriage. More people prepare for the wedding with elaborate details but they fail to prepare for the marriage, long term, until death. The first three years of marriage tells the tale of the tape. If either one of them continues to act childish, either one of them will claim “irreconcilable differences” as the reason to divorce.
The Bible is clear about that. There is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference. The couple has chosen to separate or divorce because they have chosen not to reconcile the difference. In other words, like two little brats, they hold fast to their position, and refuse to mutually negotiate a compromise to mutually benefit the relationship.
So they make up reasons and attempt to justify them and end up divorced. Then they happen to want a person back in their life other than the first person they marry, and they walk down the isle again. The Lord is very specific. If they divorce for any other reason than for sexual immorality, and they get a divorce, it is wrong. And if any one marries a person that is divorced, commits adultery.
We’ve allowed the rules of the world to circumvent the Word of God, and all we have is whoredom and harlotry in the house of the Lord.
Over 13 years ago, we’ve seen a woman come into the church with children from either a marriage or from fornication, get married to two men, divorced these two men from the same church, and ended up marrying the married pastor of the church she twice got married in. The pastor did the wedding for this woman twice and ended up marrying the twice or more divorced woman and destroyed his marriage.
It goes without saying that the wife of this pastor was completely devastated as well as this growing church was devastated and destroyed.
As a result, some of the men in his church decided to divorce their wives and left a wake of confused women.
We’ve heard of a bishop that told his first wife that God said that she was not the one. After 16 years of marriage and two children. He marries another younger woman just 7 days after the divorce was settled. Now, we all know that the Lord can speak before the marriage and tell you to look for another.
Why would the Lord tell you after 16 years of marriage that she was not the one?
A praise and worship “artist” while married commits adultery, a baby is birthed out of wedlock, they get married after over a year together and everything is ok?
Are you kidding me?
Hebrews 13:4 is still in the Bible. And the rock that gets thrown into a pack of dogs, the first one that gets hit, is the one that hollers. I guarantee you that many will holler because there are many that never repented. They may have asked for forgiveness but we’ve gotten that wrong. God offers forgiveness to the one that repents. When you plan on never repenting, it is an indication that you plan on sinning again.
True repentance means that you are done forever with sin, including our favorite ones.
It seems to me that adultery and fornication, or Secret Sexual Sins is man’s favorite sin.
But we have failed to realize that we hurt God, and innocent people in the process of our Selfish Individual Needs (SIN).
It shows you that some deceived men are just as wickedly deceived as some woman. On both sides of the pulpit, we have people that are sexually immoral and we refuse to confront these tough issues because we don’t want to hurt people. Never mind the fact that we hurt God bad. Never mind that He created us for His glory but we have brought shame to His name.
We have tracked mud for years into His presence and only the wise are careful enough to have enough sense to remove our shoes in His presence.
If we do not go back to the standards of the Word of God in the areas of marriage and get this thing right, we could talk about Secret Sexual Sins all day long and nothing will come of it.
I am finding that there is little to no teaching on the subject of adultery and divorce. We have changed the commandment of God for the commandment of men. We have allowed ourselves to take an eraser and completely alter the Word of God, and we wonder why we are so jacked up?
And because preachers are leading the way back into darkness, the people, like priests, follow cheerfully to judgment.
Then there are people who will refuse to follow the correct teachings of marriage and destroy themselves, not caring at all about the high standard of marriage set and itched in stone in the Word of God.
Below is a chart I’ve developed to help us to understand the simplicity of adultery and divorce.
Take the time to read the Word of God about adultery and divorce.
These verses of Scripture are not that difficult to understand, yet, we avoid a very tough issue to permit sin in the camp.
|Married Husband Or Wife Seeks Divorce||Marrying Divorced PeopleWidows & Virgins||Domestic ViolenceNo Scriptural Basis To Remain Married
|Husband Or Wife CommitsSexual Immorality.Divorce Is Granted.
Husband Or Wife Can Remarry.
The Adulterer or Adulteress Cannot.
Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9
|Whoever Marries A Divorced Woman Commits Adultery.Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9A Divorced Man Or Woman Must Remain Unmarried or Be Reconciled
To Their First Husband or Wife.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
|Domestic Violence is a criminal act. Common sense dictates that separation and or divorce is the only recourse when the person initiating the violence is obviously a clear and present danger to the life of the spouse.If a change of heart takes place, reconciliation is permitted.|
|If no sexual immorality was committed, yet the husband or the wife still seeks a divorce, neither are to be married again, but they could reconcile the relationship.1 Corinthians 7:10-11||Widows and widowers may remarry. Virgins may get married.1 Corinthians 7:8-9Death Obviously
Annuls The Marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:39
|There is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference. Two people decide not to reconcile their differences because they choose not to compromise or relinquish their position. This is no grounds for divorce according to Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9, but if they still insist on getting a divorce, they are not permitted to marry another person. They can only reconcile their relationship and remarry each other.|
There is no question that when you look at the church spectrum the ratio of men to women in church is almost 20 to 1 or maybe 10 to 1 depending upon the size of the local church.
Additionally, looking at the world of marriage, very few that do attend will come in, already married. Some of them are single parents.
My intent is not to amplify the sins of single women. My intent is to get at the root of certain issues. I looked on twitter account of a person. Everyone’s twitter account can be seen to a degree. I wasn’t looking for personal information. Nothing on the criminal element but I couldn’t help but look at all the young ladies that were twitting his account.
He would announce that he would be in such and such a city, and these young ladies would show up. It’s the same with a well known preacher, Jamal Bryant. There are some dapper looking young preachers and they fill the house up quickly. Just look at the line up and advertisements, and you will see that the content of what the service is about is not necessarily a powerful, Holy Ghost meeting.
There was a pastor that opened up a church. He was single and a lot of women showed up at his church. He did a wise thing. He found a wife OUTSIDE the church.
The Sunday he introduced his then fiance`, some of the women left his church.
Some of these women have dreams about these preachers that they would marry them. Their minds are heavily saturated with these men that the obsession triggers a dream. Perhaps, the mental infatuation is so intense that the difference between a dream and day dreaming is indistinguishable.
Ladies, we all know that you come to church, however, the reason for coming to church must be the right reason. You’re supposed to come to church to see Jesus and preacher man is to come to church to preach Jesus.
I am not sure if this next story is as true as I heard it and if I am wrong, I’ll correct it.
Dr. Betty Price, the wife of Dr. Fred Price had cancer. Evidently, she was healed by the grace and power of God, but the backdrop behind this story is the fact that there were allegedly women in the waiting, looking to become the next Mrs. Fred Price upon her passing. When Dr. Betty Price got healed, the ladies that wanted to be the next Mrs. Fred Price left Crenshaw Christian Center. During one broadcast, Dr. Fred Price said one time, words to the effect that… Y’all not graced to be my wife. It is not certain that he said this before, during, or after Dr. Betty Price’s cancer issue, but it’s true.
Some women actually think that they can handle certain men. When there is no grace of God, forget it.
If you’ve ever heard Dr. Price preach, he can be rough around the edges and mean it.
The fact that there were women looking to position themselves to assume a position, and that, with a very rough man of God is folly of the highest order.
How cold is this?
The frigid temperatures on the North and South poles, including the vast cold regions in outer space, and the planets in the entire universe can’t be colder than these women that hoped Mrs. Betty Price would not live.
The heat of hades and the lake with fire and brimstone can’t melt a cold heart.
Proverbs 18:22 says….
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
One single preacher put it out like this.
“If I am not looking your way, you are not the one.”
When brothers are not ready, they will not ask for a woman’s hand in marriage.
Believe me, brothers are slow. Some brothers are still playing the field (fooling around with another set of women). Others are fearful of making a commitment to the wrong one. This isn’t right, nor is it fair. The male has to start adjusting because when there is whoredom in the house of God, it’s because some brothers make it difficult for women.
On the other hand, some brothers can’t handle the responsibility. Bills, money being tight. The inability to compromise to make the relationship work out mutually. And the biggest issue of them all.
THEY ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT GOD!
These, factors, as well as his unbridled thirst for sex, porn, and masturbation, makes a male hold off.
My intent is not to dash your hopes or the hope of other women looking to be married, but when the Bible is clear about who is to do the looking, it is important to maintain your discipline. The devil is very crafty and the devil will use a crafty preacher to deceive a desperate woman. There are many women caught in the place of sidestepping the Word of God.
There is no excuse for abdicating the righteousness of God within you. You must prize who you are and you must prize above all else, your relationship with God.
In the Brian Carn situation (alleged lol), I can’t help but understand the fact that preachers that lead single and married, dissatisfied women to assume that there is going to be something more than a one time engagement in the bedroom, that a marriage will take place. For men and women to wrongfully assume that the word of a preacher is above the Word of God is a terrible sin. For which Hebrews 13:4 says that “adulterers and fornicators God WILL judge.”
Not every woman is a temple prostitute.
However, if the mand of Gawd shows up there, you have sex with him every time he is there, then there is no question that whoredom is your intent.
On the other side, there are a lot of women that will make or, they are already prepared to be a good wife. Women want to be loved, married, have a family, and enjoy life with her husband.
Pretty boy preachers that are players never make good husbands because once you give him some tail, you have to expect that he is seeing others in the bedroom around the country.
When they ask for your cell number, do you, as a single or married, saved, sanctified, Holy Spirit filled, tongue talking, Bible carrying womand of Gawd yield, or do you, in tears and pain, maintain your discipline?
Can the Lord count on you to decline and keep it moving in the Lord? Can the Lord count on you to be holy when it’s very tempting to be lulled into the bedroom? Can the Lord count on you to keep your mind stayed on Him? Can the Lord count on you not to go up to his hotel room before service, so that after service, you can have him sexually? Can the Lord count on you to call it sin!
It is placed in every woman the desire to be happy and loved by a good man. Sadly, some men are not that good at all. But there is someone out there that knows how to treat a woman right and stay faithful. Men, generally, are sex ready but they are not relationship, commitment, and responsibility ready.
I’ll never forget it. When Zion Baptist Church underwent a change in pastorates, having assumed the pulpit of the late Reverend Dr. Benjamin James Lowry, Dr. M. Marquette Peace, Jr., on day one, set the record straight.
“I am a married man. I am not looking for another woman. I am the husband of ONE wife and I am satisfied.”
That’s integrity, ladies and gentlemen. Integrity of the highest order.
Dr. Peace clearly understood the sexual pitfalls of ministry and he fearlessly put the Word out to everyone on day one from the pulpit.
Adultery against God is higher violation than adultery with a woman. To be unfaithful to God guarantees that you will be unfaithful to your wife. I wish all the men of God, when they assume the powerful responsibility to be a leader with integrity, that they make such an announcement, and stick with it, would go a long way to preserving the integrity and sanctity of the call of God on a man’s life.
Equally as sad, some women are wedding ready but they are not marriage ready.
Marriage ready in the sense that women want to completely have their way and a man does too.
The first few years of a marriage will be like sharks mating. While watching National Geography, when sharks mate, they bite with their teeth to hold the female shark in place while mating. Such is the case with the relational aspect of the marriage which potentially ends up as an irreconcilable difference.
The passion for sex is there but it is potentially lost when a man or woman in marriage spend more time jostling for dominance. That’s why egos have to be checked and both persons look to make the marriage work. A man is not a peacekeeper and neither is a woman. Peacekeepers are armed to keep both sides from fighting. A peacemaker is one that is willing to give in to a position to keep harmony in the house. However, the giving up of the position must never be detrimental to the entire relationship.
The only time a relationship becomes irreconcilable is when a childish person chooses not to reconcile. Baring adultery, there is no reason two persons cannot reconcile (see Ephesians 5:22-33).
Single ladies, I know that you are praying. God heard your prayers. When will He answer? We do not know when the manifestation of the answer will occur. When will brothers get it together? We don’t know.
But one thing is known.
Pretty boy preachers that look good and deceive you, start to run and flee from them. They are more trouble than it’s worth. It is not worth giving up the prize for the shame and stigma that comes with adultery and fornication.
The Bible says, “They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, the will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint.”
There is a serious use of coded language. Extramarital.
However, the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) deems adultery as an offense unbecoming of those in the military.
In particular, for officers.
With all the news about the former CIA Director, retired General Patraeus, I just want to zero in on the power of urges and impulses.
To get to the bottom of this, from a man’s perspective, the lusts of the flesh is what drives men and women to engage in adultery. From the world’s perspective and even from church leaders (your’s truly included), there is always a line to cross.
When you are involved in the lusts of the flesh, you will always cross that line that you said you would never cross.
It’s just a matter of time if repentance from all Secret Sexual Sins does not take place.
Hidden in the lives of men is the world of fantasy that eventually turns into reality. That’s why porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, is always at the foundation of male sexual immorality. Sooner or later, the “pretend sex” shifts to real sex with another person of the opposite or same sex. This is not to say that there is factual evidence that the former Director has sexual addiction issues.
As I was doing my studies on Healthy Sexuality, I came across an article from the military in 2009 that soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan regularly viewed porn and masturbated to relieve the tension associated with the battlefield. Over in the Arab world, and I never served on the ground in theater while I was in service prior to Gulf War 1 and 2, the red light district is there but you had to be very careful.
I am not suggesting that the former General may have had a sexual rendezvous with his biographer. But it is conceivable and possible that means and methods made available by high ranking military men can set a time and place of their choosing to set up booty call anywhere in the world.
For the average soldier to engage in prostitution and other forms of “hooking up” with the opposite sex, is very tricky because of the customs and other difficulties to gain access to women in the Middle East. Couple that with restrictions imposed by senior commanders so as not to offend the host nations that may interfere with alliance issues and the difficulties for sex, fornication, and adultery are immense. Now, I may be wrong about this because I am not familiar with these areas. But based on the General’s access, we see that he may have had no problem if he wanted to cross the line. But when you have an American woman, other than your wife in theater, there is no problem.
Also, at anytime, Generals could set up a place to rendezvous with their wives well out of the theater of operations.
Now here is the problem. It was after Patraeus became CIA Director when the adultery occurred.
I’m attempting to address two issues because they are looking to see if the former Director had an affair prior to his retirement while he was in command. The lady in question had exclusive, unfettered access, so anything is possible.
If so, could the former General be charged under the UCMJ?
The jury is out on this, so stay tuned.
But the underlying issue of “urges and impulses” always reveal the drive behind all sexual encounters.
While we will never know if there was a porn/masturbation problem with the former Director, we know that if you are having issues at home, adultery swirls in the atmosphere. If you are not having problems at home but one thing leads to another, it’s because the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life is driving a man’s urges and impulses.
Being back home from the battlefield really helps because you are at home with your wife.
But the former Director, for whatever reason, decided to cross the line.
While at home.
Proverbs 6:32 says…..
“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding (lacks a heart of moral character). He who does so destroys his own soul.”
The former Director from courage, spoke volumes of truth of his own lack of judgment. But he didn’t call it adultery. He called it an “extramarital affair.”
Extra sex outside of marriage is commonly and Biblically called adultery.
There’s always two sides to every story. Two married persons decided to cheat on their spouses.
But look at the Bible. Through the Word of God, we see men and women committing adultery, fornication, and homosexuality (Sodom and Gomorrah).
The woman that met Jesus at Jacob’s well was an adulteress (see John 4). She had five husbands, and was committing adultery with a sixth man, and Jesus revealed her heart. But Jesus didn’t condemn her. He pointed her to the true worship of God to point her towards true intimacy with God.
Sexual immorality never satisfies. It is the water that men and women will thirst for again and again. But the water that Jesus gives will satisfy forever. Thirsty souls that engage in adultery, fornication, bisexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism are seeking only one thing.
True, lasting intimacy with the living God.
Sexual orgasm is nothing compared to fellowshipping with the living God. When you are looking for pleasure in the natural, the soul and flesh is never satisfied. The woman at Jacob’s well had six men. The mind and flesh is like a horse that sees the carrot on the stick and never gets a bite of it. As a result, the horse continues to trot because it lives in expectations unfulfilled.
When it comes to adultery, women look for connections. This may or may not be true for this situation, but perhaps, if they are married, their husbands and wives are underachievers in life and sexually inadequate in the bedroom. She doesn’t feel connected for whatever reason. Perhaps, her husband cheated and she turns the table on him. But a man in uniform comes along. Very successful. Very powerful. Very strong in leadership. She gravitates towards a powerful man, towards what her husband may never be. One thing leads to another and they are off to the bedroom races. For the man in uniform, perhaps, the lust in his heart completely overshadows his marriage vows. Her youthful looks and conversations with either his prize or his prey, starts the juices flowing.
Like the book of Proverbs says, “Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks. Till an arrow struck his liver, as a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it would cost him his life.”
For the woman caught in adultery, perhaps, we will never know if she would use the same words of the former Director, that his lack of judgment brought about an unnecessary situation.
Notice Proverbs 30:20….
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”
I am not saying that this is the expressed attitude of the woman that committed adultery with Patraeus, but predominantly, the world does not consider adultery a big deal. It happens all the time.
Does the church, which is full of adulterers, fornicators, bisexuals, and homosexuals have a right to say anything at all in its hypocrisy? Just because there are such people in church leadership (pastors, bishops, priests, and other leaders) that commit the same sins as the world does, it doesn’t mean that the standard of the Word of God has failed and is no longer applicable for today.
Hebrews 13:4 says…..
“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (unsoiled), but adulterers and fornicators God will judge.”
1 Corinthians 6:9 says….
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators (Greek word, pornos)…nor adulterers….will inherit the kingdom of God.”
But thanks be to God it doesn’t end there. God is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and full of grace and compassion.
The Lord Jesus knows how to deliver people from their destructive lives and bring peace in the middle of the storm.
While we do not know what the outcome will be with the former Director’s marriage, the breach in the relationship has caused much damage.
But the best place to start is to repent of sin and establish a relationship with the Lord Jesus.
Unless the spiritual breach is repaired, perhaps, their marriage may be repaired but it will all be for nothing if the Lord Jesus is not in the relationship.
It is true but few in between that repairing marriages for couples not in Christ can and will take place. It is just as bad for couples in Christ because of the hardness of hearts.
An irreconcilable difference is a difference that couples choose not to reconcile.
Adultery is a clear betrayal of trust but the Lord has a way to reestablish trust.
There is much painstaking work to be done, but it begins with the couple that must be willing to take the necessary steps together to find common ground to rebuild the broken relationship.
For some, it’s too tough a hill to climb and walking away in divorce is their unfortunate conclusion to achieve closure.
It takes courage, faith, patience, time, effort, and a willingness to reestablish the bond. Something that cannot be rushed. Mrs. Patraeus deserves time and patience. It is the most devastating thing that could happen to a wife. And she must have the time and space to deal with her husband’s despicable act of adultery.
We trust that they will be able to reconcile.
For the woman caught in adultery, while folk want to drag her into the mud, she is entitled to the grace of God just like everyone else. A serious breach took place and she needs the Lord as well. Many will condemn her but who are we to do so? The only thing that we can do is point out the sin but also point her to the Savior. Just like the woman at Jacob’s well, she need a drink of living water.
Repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, righteousness, and holiness.
All these things are achievable in Christ.
As the saying goes in many marriage seminars…
“Many prepare for the wedding but they do not prepare for the marriage.”
So much has been said about the sinful activities of sex and what goes on in a marriage that we really do not have that much of a clue as to what a really good, successful marriage looks like.
Some of us are so inundated with TV marriages, TV homosexuality, 30 minute solutions, episodes, drama, and tidying up after a few episodes, that when the show on TV is over, we resume our “normal” routines. Because marriages, inside and outside the church end in divorce at the 50+% rate, we are challenged by LGBT. They have already issued a challenge that they could do better at marriage.
We all know that they can’t because of the sin of homosexuality. God did not join male and male or female and female together.
Genesis 2:24 is the basis for this for marriage is Biblically defined as a union between one male and one female. Homosexuals cannot become one flesh because their sex organs are incompatible. Therefore, they cannot teach heterosexual couples anything about marriage.
Besides, it’s about holy matrimony, not perversion.
In many marriages between one man and one woman, arguments, frustrations, adultery, fornication, porn, chat room porn, money issues, child abuse issues, molestations, religious fairy tale spins, and domestic violence, unnecessarily fill our lives.
When the Lord brought Eve to Adam, everything was set. Adam had God in his life. Adam had a job. He tilled the Garden and he was supposed to subdue and have dominion. Meaning that if there was anyone or anything out of the ordinary, it was his job to straighten it out. It was Adam’s job to handle business.
To cut right to the chase, it is what’s in the character of two individuals that determines the kind of marriage they will have.
We can no longer rely only on observing other couples because you are not going to see everything that goes on in their lives.
Too many times, we look to “marriage templates” to see what we can use to make a marriage successful. We look at their money handling experiences, sexual satisfaction experiences, time management experiences, and communication or connection experiences. We look to reinvent to find ways to bring vigor back to a relationship. We look to spice or bring spark to a dull relationship that is in deep trouble.
It all boils down to the man working on his character and the woman working on her character.
The fallen nature of Adam and Eve produced an evil character. Sinister character. Selfish character.
The only remedy to this is to be born again through the power of the Holy Spirit. To repent of sin. To come under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9….
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.”
The Lord knows what lurking in the hearts of people. And let’s face it. People do not want to change. Some people are stuck in their ways and would rather divorce than change. If the heart refuses to change, people are in trouble and marriages are definitely in trouble.
Galatians 5:22 is the fruit of the Spirit. One person taught it this way that the fruit of the Spirit is the “recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit.”
In other words, after a person repents of sin, and is born again, the Holy Spirit teaches them how to mature in the character of Christ by the obedient application of the Word of God.
The Holy Spirit teaches men and women these things….
Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
Hence, a real marriage looks like these things because these things represent the very character or attribute of Christ.
We must all work these things into our lives and then work to bring it out of our lives.
No marriage is perfect but the Lord is perfect, and His Word is perfect.
Before I go further, a man and a woman must be satisfied in the Lord before they can be satisfied with each other. No relationship can achieve full satisfaction apart from a strong, vibrant relationship with the Lord. Too many couples are looking for satisfaction in a marriage and do not get me wrong, in a way some satisfaction will be achieved.
But God is the only One that can bring complete and everlasting satisfaction to a person.
God created man in His image (see Genesis 1:26). So man must look to the Creator and he must look to the Word of God as given from the Creator to help him incorporate the character of God into his character. It takes a lot of work by the man to relinquish “stubbornness, resistance, and rebellion” in his mind and flesh to receive correction where he is not proficient in the “recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit.”
Therefore, in order for a man to have a good marriage, he must be willing to take drastic steps to deal with his character in order for his marriage to last.
So it is also with the woman. She must be proficient in the “recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit.”
Too often, women spend so much time trying to influence her husband to be a certain way, and that is time wasted if you are pushy, and contending with him to be a certain way.
Sometimes, by pushing him, you are helping him into the bosom of a harlot.
The man is already in a “stubbornness, resistance, and rebellion” mode and the wife becomes really frustrated that he isn’t responding because he is in his “stubbornness, resistance, and rebellion” mode.
The one thing that wives must learn is that when you desire for your husband to change, sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes change has to begin with you before it can happen with your husband. Spend time looking within your heart and mind for areas where the Lord has told you to change but you refuse. Too often in the “beauty world” of women, their “outer perfection” is obscuring their character flaw within.
Look at what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-4…..
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward — arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel — rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
We must all remember that there is somethings that we know are not right within us. The moment that we admit that and remain teachable, the Lord will help us all to make the right kind of adjustment that will bring a blessing to our marriages.
The fruit of the recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit is the true reflection of the heart of Christ. Before, during, and after the wedding, if a man and a woman would work on become these things in a relationship, everything else falls into place. From the Lordship and Dominion of Jesus and His Word, to incorporating these essential elements into his or her life, the rough edges and childish behaviors will dissipate.
The marriage relationship works from the inside out.
Notice what the Lord Jesus said in Matthew 12:33-35……
“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.”
Let me reiterate.
The marriage relationship works from the inside out.
As a man, whatever is in you is going to come out. As a woman, whatever is in you is going to come out.
So what you say and do, if you are a good tree, good fruit is going to come out.
If you want a good fruit marriage, the fruit of the recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit must be produced. If you want a bad fruit marriage, then evil will come out all of the time.
You have to purpose to be mindful of the kind of fruit that is going to come out of you. That means you have to spend time making sure that childishness is subdued. Usually, marriages become bad due to childishness. And when childishness is in the mix, there is a deliberate and intentional abandoning of the fruit of the recreated human spirit by the Holy Spirit.
In other words, you stop doing what the Word says to do to have something or to do something that is detrimental to a relationship. So there must be a constant guard to always put the Word of God first before saying or doing something of a childish nature.
When a husband and a wife intentionally look to please the Lord, it becomes very difficult to do something against each other. Because you would never seek to do something harmful to the Lord. Additionally, you must remember that the Lord lives in each of you and what you do to each other reflects your true heart attitude towards the Lord.
We prove our love for the Lord when we keep His commandments (see 1 John 5:1-5). We disprove our love for the Lord when we deliberately sin against Him.
The same principle applies in our marriages. And when we intend to hurt our husband or wife, the Lord on the inside is hurt first because to hurt a person means that we intend to separate ourselves from the Lord and His Word to do what harm we intend to do to the one we claim to love, honor, and cherish.
Immaturity is the root of all divorces and separations.
But maturity in Christ is the root and foundation of all successful, and fruitful marriages.
This is what real marriages look like.