Porn: Why Do Women Watch Porn?

By Fred C. Rochester. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

The porn industry obviously targets males but we are seeing a clear trend that women are watching porn and it is increasing.

Here are the statistics to prove it.

According to

* 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction
* 1 of 3 visitors to all adult websites are women
* 9.4 million women access adult websites every month
Internet Filter Review 

Where do they go after the Internet porn?

To the chat rooms of the Internet.

It is in these places that single, divorced, and married women go. When it comes to singles, because they may be lonely or may have come out of a bad relationship, the chat room is the place where they reconnect but from a distance.

This may include webcams where lewd behavior take place. All over the Internet, we are seeing this behavior and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Where do they go after the chat room?

One statistic is equally shocking.

1 of 6 women will “act out” their fantasy.

From the chat room to the bedroom.

They will go to a hotel, house, or wherever to “act out” their fantasy.

This is level one sex addiction where the desire to go beyond self imposed limits must be breached so as to experience the full sexual act.

When you do not desire to cross that line, you will stick with self gratification.

For many, they are willing to risk their lives just to feel connected. Men will lie and deceive just to get what they want. Sadly, women will believe them and may lose it all. They know that if they are not killed that it is highly probable that they will get pregnant or contract STDs, HIV/AIDS, and experience relational wounds.

There are crazy criminally minded men out there that prey on women. Sadly, another Ted Bundy is waiting to emerge that will make what the late Ted Bundy did look like child’s play. When a woman or a teenage girl disappears, the worst fears are imagined.

Rape, sodomy, sexual assault, murder.

As I have stated, no one watches porn and do not masturbate.

That is, unless they are incapacitated for whatever reason. Porn is the fuel to the fire that is already raging within people. Sexual tension is real. It is the most difficult part to master, control, and overcome. When anyone watches porn, there is no question about it’s objective.

Objective number 1

Your money.

Objective number 2

Keep you in bondage by offering endless false pleasure.

Objective number 3

Keep you in a place of hopelessness. Hopelessness in the sense that you would never be loved by anyone. So, in self gratification, you “love” yourself.

When porn and masturbation is done over and over again, habits or rituals are formed.

Anytime your “urges and impulses” go off, you set in motion a ritual to achieve sex satisfaction objectives. For instance, when you are at home, when you are hungry, you go to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Just a few minutes after eating you are full but your brain says “I want more.”

So you eat, not to satisfy a hunger, but to satisfy the craving. The brain doesn’t care about how much is in your stomach because the brain is only looking for complete satisfaction that goes beyond the limits imposed on the stomach.

It’s the same with porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation.

When normal sexuality in a marriage takes place, generally, it takes a man 24 hours for his sexual organs to recover. However, men can masturbate themselves to soreness because of compulsion. Women recover quicker than men and could experience multiple orgasms.

We watch and keep on watching. We masturbate, and we keep on masturbating because we are not satisfied or the process, and climax is so intense, we want that feeling over and over again.

Clearly, this is a compulsion that may indicate sexual addiction.

When is sexual addiction, sexual addiction?

When you cannot stop, manage, or control sexual urges and impulses.

Many lonely women share their intimate sexually explicit fantasies and fetishes with other males or females for the purpose of connecting. Remember, women are wired differently than males according to Dr. William Struthers. Males are “wired for sex.”

For women, they are emotionally wired. Connection gives a woman value and raises her self esteem as a person. Some people will say, “I can understand a single person or even a divorced person, but a married person? No way!”

When the husband fails to give the woman all that she desires in the full spectrum of connection, that disconnected feeling causes her to look elsewhere to fulfill that need. The husband could be involved with a mistress (job, sports, housework, newspaper, magazine, porn, masturbation, or a another woman or a man) and she looks in frustration to her husband but he won’t give her the time of day.

She looks for other men and one thing will lead to another because that’s her make up. She is willing to cross the line after months or even years of neglect. It’s not just bedroom neglect. It’s communication neglect. Meaningful interaction outside the bedroom between husband and wife is equally important in securing the relationship.

It is the interactive connection that brings a measure of satisfaction in a relationship. This is where the husband has to look at himself and realize that his wife is vulnerable when she feels disconnected from her husband. In another form of disconnect, she sees her husband connecting with other woman but he gets into the car or comes home, he retreats to his “man cave,” leaving his wife all alone.

This is common and it makes the wife feel mistreated. This form of neglect is sometimes the reason behind a wife’s adulterous affair. Sadly, someone comes and gives the wife the time of day that she knows would make her husband jealous, but she doesn’t care.

She has “needs” too.

Sin can never be excused in either case.

Loneliness is isolation even when two persons live in the same house or apartment.

Sex is the ultimate bond that validates the relationship. The moment that a woman is safe, secure, validated, and connected to her husband, there is no need to look elsewhere. The moment there is a disconnection, the consequences are tremendous.

Porn is about lust or fulfilling a need through that which is forbidden.

Porn is not the place to go but Christian women go there.

When you have, in a 24 hour period, over 2.1 billion individual internet downloads of porn everyday, you can be sure that there are Christians downloading porn.


In search of true intimacy in false intimacy places.

Intimacy is her place of feeling secure in the relationship. Intimacy is not to be done just to feel connected but it is a result of feeling an overall love and bonding that cannot be experienced elsewhere in the natural.

The soul of women is deep as it is for a man.

The “soul tie” is that connection that fulfills her need of bonding and security. The moment that this is disrupted, the soul will be tempted to pursue until that need is satisfied.

The Samaritan woman that Jesus interacted with is a classic case of the unending search for love and connection. She searched for a man that would completely satisfy her desire for love and value (see John 4).

She had five husbands and then she gave up on “marriage” and was involved in an adulterous relationship with a sixth man. In each case, she either felt disappointed in each man or the men decided to leave because they realized that they couldn’t give her what she wanted.

Perhaps, she was unable to articulate what she needed and frustrated the husband to the point of forcing him to divorce her. Or she articulated it and demanded that he divorce her so she could pursue another relationship. Or the men used her just to have sex with her and ended abruptly the marriage. A number of scenarios, but in each case, she was still in search for complete satisfaction, until she met Jesus.

Jacob’s well was the perfect example.

Jacob means trickster. It could have been that all she was doing was “tricking” men into relationships and each man could have had enough of being tricked.

Lady, you have been drinking from this well and you have and you will never be satisfied but if you drink of the water that I give you, you will never thirst again. In the natural, any woman would think that He was dropping “a line,” but the Lord was only telling her that you can only be satisfied if you drink living water.

Your pursuits of connection will never be found in sex. Your lustful pursuits to be satisfied will never be found in your mate or husband. Your satisfaction will only come from drinking the water that I, Jesus, can give you and you will never thirst again. What you are trying to find in your husband will reach a limit. When that limit is reached, you must have the smarts to recognize that what is lacking in my husband, Jesus completely fulfills.

It’s the same with men. What fulfillment they are attempting to find in the bedroom will only be found on your knees before God. Sex is not the place where complete intimacy is achieved. Sex is given for pleasure, procreation, and bonding between two persons of the opposite sex. Once that is accomplished, when you are still feeling unfulfilled, it is a signal to you to seek the true and living God.

The Lover of your souls.

“Prayer is intimacy with God”, as the late Dr. Ed Cole would say.

It is in His presence that there is fulness of joy and at His right hand there are pleasures forevermore. Porn is not the place of intimacy. It is the place of sin where fulfillment is never achieved. If you are thirsty, come to Jesus.

Only He can fully satisfy.

Dating: The Big Seven That Single Christian Women Look For In A Man

by Fred C. Rochester, Pastor. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

There are many single ladies that look for serious mate to marry. The successful male candidate must have these seven requirements to make it pass the initial scrutiny of the prospectus female looking for a lasting relationship.

We already know that being a child of God is number one on the list. The prospectus man loves the Lord, is into his Bible, and lives the Word of God. We find that sometimes a brother could be deep into the Lord but still lack in these seven areas in a big way. They know a lot about the Scriptures, but they do not do well with these basic areas.

And when a Christian women questions the man about these areas, he gets very defensive. On the other side, there are men that are well versed in these seven areas, but they lack the love of the Lord. Men tend to get defensive when an area is found to be lacking.

Brothers, it’s time to bring both areas up to par.

To fail in these areas is a serious felony.

Check your attitude at the door.

1. Chivalry.

Just in case you are not aware of the definition, chivalry means “courtesy towards women.” If you are to win her heart, it starts with being a gentleman every time. All the time. A woman desires to be cared for. She wants to know without a shadow of doubt that you are committed to care for her. While she should be able to take care of herself, she should know that she has a man that is willing to lay his life down. Sacrifice is part of the price of chivalry. Paying attention to these details will make for a pleasant relationship. When you open the door for her, pull her chair back, buy her dinner (a real dinner, not Mickie D’s), and other small tokens, it makes her feel valued. Investing in this effort will go a long ways in taking things to the next level. Going Steady. Additionally, he must be able to understand what her needs are by asking. Guessing is not a good thing. There are certain things that women like and there are certain things that women do not like. It would be in your best interest to ask her. What she is looking for from you is understanding, connection, relationship, companionship, value, esteem, care, honesty, love, and a chance to be a part of your world. With understanding connection, a woman wants to know that you are interested in her. By calling her regularly, texting, or using other forms of communications, she feels wanted. While you are not married, these things are important to her security. If you are serious about her, you will always leave the lines of communication open. Romance is an essential part of the dating scene. Flowers, candy, candle light dinner. This adds to the list of chivalry, but for that special lady, it shows that she is worth it.

2. Strong Drive For Success.

You are a strong believer in making your dreams happen buy God’s help and grace. You are designed to be a man of purpose. A man of intent. You posses a strong sense of destiny. Her destiny is locked in yours. Because you have made up your mind to go somewhere, she is willing to go somewhere with you. If you are going no where, she may or may not want to go no where with you. A sense of purpose involves detailed plans and the execution of those plans. You are motivated to succeed. You are never afraid of trying. You are never afraid of failure. If you need to go to school, get to going. If you need to work more hours to achieve that goal, it’s a small investment to secure your future, and hers.

3. Extreme Care In Handling Your Personal Responsibilities.

In the economic times we are living in, every dollar counts. It is important that from day one, that you stick to and execute a sound financial plan. A sound financial plan begins with education. The more education you have, the better the chances of you being hired for a good paying job. Along with this, you have to stop creating bills just to have certain things. Establishing proper financial priorities and living within your means is the best possible way to be responsible. Pay your bills on time. Credit is not an additional paycheck. Credit is agreeing with the financial world to give them your future paycheck. The more debt you incur, the more you will lag behind in your basic responsibilities.

4. Well Kept House or Apartment.

Jungle Habitat or The Waldorf? Is your house a castle or a dungeon? Just in case you don’t know what this means. Is your house or apartment junky or adorable? If not, you need to get busy and clean up your joint or crib. You are convinced that “cleanliness is next to godliness.” It is not in the Bible, but we wish it did. If you live in an apartment or home, you are charged with making sure everything is in its place. Your desire to impress on the next level requires that you take care of every detail. Made up bed. Laundry done. You pick up after yourself. Food is in the refrigerator. Rent or mortgage paid on time. Utility bills paid on time. A clean house or apartment is an impressive house or apartment. The way you live reveals the kind of person you are. So make sure your house of apartment is squared away.

5. Outstanding Wardrobe.

Your clothing reveals the kind of person you are. If you are a “slob” in dressing, you will not attract the right person. You have to choose between, good, better, or best. Survey the room of men, Take note of what they wear. See what kind of women are attracted to what other men are wearing. Adjust where necessary. First impressions make a difference.

5. Great Personal Hair Grooming.

Even men have bad hair days but it should never be everyday. There are many hair styles out there. However, a well groomed hair style always score big. You have to choose what works for you while at the same time what would score with the ladies. The rule is simple. Neat. Trimmed. Washed and together.

6. Skin Care.

Ash Wednesday is not impressive. A little oil will go a long way.

7. Body Odor & Bad Breath.

There is so many deodorants and breath mints to choose from that it’s inexcusable not to be prepared. If you want to turn off a date, this is the one way to make sure. Brother, make sure you check yourself before you leave your home or open the door to your date. On the other hand, do not overdo the aftershave or cologne. If people could smell your cologne a block away from the restaurant, before walk in, then you are too “loud.” One or two sprays at the most.

While there may be other things that are just as important, I believe that these are the top things that will make or break a potential relationship.

For those of you that are married, take notes. When you adjust to incorporate this in your marriage relationship, you will bring the fire back and add lasting years to your marriage.

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