SEX. Good, Steaming, Hot Sex, Christian Style, Part Two

After dinner, they knew that the finale is about to take place. That’s right. Candlelight dinner at home under dimmed lights. He gazes into her eyes but she knows that look. He is looking deeply into her heart. She feels special because he treated her the way she ought to be treated. As his wife, she knows what he likes. She was already wearing a hot short, short, low cleavage dress that caught his eyes. It was revealing enough for him to only think abut what is behind door number one, two, three, and four. That dress was wearing her every curve and she caught her husband checking her out.

Somehow, over the 20+ years of marriage, it didn’t get old or stale because spontaneity in the bedroom became the spice of their relationship. But what makes it also important is that they enjoy each other’s company every day. They share their lives and try not to make the mistake of making small trivial issues into a towering inferno. They much rather love each other fervently and have a hot marriage, culminating in a very hot bedroom than to have a failed marriage.

As he gently whispered his love to her, he takes her by the hand, and leads her to their bedroom.

She desires her husband even more.

Satin sheets.
A couple of candles.
The soft scent of cherry blossoms filled the room.
Some soft romantic music in the background.

The second half of the night is set.

He gently pulls her close and kisses her on the lips, cheeks, and under her neck.
She kisses back and exhales in anticipation of his next move.

In just a few moments, two born again believers in Christ, a married Christian couple will consummate and physically express their deep, intimate love for each other.

Song Of Solomon 2:7 (NIV) says,

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

The New Living Translations says this,

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right.” The margin note of the latter portion says, “…not to awaken love until it is ready.”

Men are ready to have sex at the drop of the dime, but for women, it takes a little time to get the engines started. There is a reason, and it’s simple. Men are physically and emotionally “wired” because of sight, sounds, and thoughts or fantasy. The drug, “vasopressin” is excreted into the blood stream and that’s what give a man, along with “testosterone” and “adrenaline”, among other chemicals, his ability to be aroused very quickly.

The rest is history.

All he needs is his wife and hot sex is never a problem for him.

For women, it is not that way.

They are “romantically” wired. In that they need a little time to “get into the mood.” Women loved to be swooned, pampered, caressed, loved, and feel cared for in order for them to enjoy quality marital sex.

Most men are not romantic. Let’s be honest. Hot sex is about how he wants to sexually handle a woman. Even this is wrong in a way because now the wife is an object and not a person.

What a husband has to do is learn his wife. The first lesson is that she is a person, not an object. Second, she wants to connect with her husband emotionally and mentally. She wants sex but equally she wants to know that she is valued and esteemed by her husband.

This is accomplished apart from the bedroom.

Holding hands, conversations, and participation in her husband’s life makes her feel like she’s on top of the world with her husband.

Bedroom performance is not the true measure of quality sex.

Sex acts apart from true contractual connection is just two bodies performing like sex machines. That’s what porn is about. That’s what prostitution is about. That’s what having a mistress is about. That’s what masturbation is about.

Sexual action is just a conquest just to get off.

Nothing is shared.

Men are not values minded until they systematically delete all of the negative effects of porn. So it will take a while for a man to delete the porn effect that salacious movies offer.

According to Dr. William Struthers, “porn hijacks the brain.” When a man watches porn, several things go through his soul.

1. The woman of porn that he is watching are beautiful. They have to be if men are going to watch porn. Little does he know that porn is like a carrot on a stick that he will never get to eat. What he is really thinking is that “she is beautiful and desirable to have. I want her.”

That’s lust or longing for that which is forbidden.”

What is forbidden?

Having another woman other than his wife.

This is called “adultery,” and she doesn’t have to literally be in your bed. If she is in your mind, and you are dreaming, thinking, or meditating on how you are having her in bed, you’ve committed adultery in your heart (see Matthew 5:28). You could think about having your wife all day long and consummate that thought in healthy sexual ways as a married couple.

2. The man is concentrating on the sights and sounds of the sex act that deceives him into thinking that he is not getting this in the bedroom. These are unhealthy sexual thoughts designed to deceive you to search elsewhere, other than your wife, for sexual fulfillment.

Wives you must understand that with porn, it is all make believe.

It’s false intimacy and demonic fantasy. For the deceived man, he is tricked into thinking that this is the kind of sex he is to be having. If he is not having sex like what porn portrays, he believes he is not having hot steaming, good sex.


The things of life usually has a way of causing a husband to “disconnect” from his wife.

Porn is only fuel to that fire of disconnection.

What does this have to do with hot steamy sex?

It has a lot to do with it.

If you have noticed the contrast already, then you have figured out correctly that the world’s intention is to deceive you into thinking that the greatest place of sexual fulfillment is in sexual immorality. Porn also lies to you that Christians have boring sex lives and will never enjoy good, hot, steaming sex.

This is the place where many men disconnect from their wives, and have fallen in Secret Sexual Sins.

This is the place where many wives are pushed aside and never experience true love from their husbands. This is where many women, prostitutes, mistresses, and female fornicators that flaunt their body become trapped in places of false love and are always in search for connection (see John chapter 4). They intentionally use their body and beauty as power over weak willed men to control a man’s libido.

Resistance is futile unless a man comes to the place of the sexual discipline of Jesus according to Romans 13:13-14, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 9:27, 2 Corinthians 7:1, and Hebrews 4:12-16.

Husband, if you want your marriage restored, you have to get away from the places of darkness. Secrecy is the breeding ground of sexual sins. If you are struggling in your flesh to have “strange flesh,” you need help. You could be a level one sex addict like I was.

Wives, if you want your husband, do not stop praying for him, and do not get caught in the opposite trap of lies that you are not as beautiful as the porn stars. That you have to perform in bed like the porn stars to keep your husband.

You do not have to lower your values to make your husband stay. If changes are warranted, make them because you want to. Do not make them because you feel pressured to make changes. You do not have to go crazy trying to create myths to please your husband.

Your happiness, peace, and security is predicated on the fact that God created you the way you are. You must love you for the way God created you and not try to reinvent yourself to make your husband be pleased about you.

When Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her,” there were no conditions imposed in between these words. It is unconditional love that you are to receive. Anytime a man places conditions on you, it is not the love that Christ has for the church. Unconditional love. Nothing less, is what you are to receive.

The road to hot steamy sex is a long journey because he has to get to the place of “sexual sobriety.”

Married Christians can have hot sex.

It is God’s intention because He created sex for males and females that are married to enjoy each other, inside and outside the bedroom.

If you are caught in the trap of sexual addiction, porn, masturbation, prostitution, or mistresses, click the link above called “Sexual Addiction Recovery.”

You can have hot sex with your wife.

Wives, you can turn your husband on and give him a night he’ll never forget.

Married Christians, you can have hot sex.

Hotter than the world because God ordained it so.

SEX-Good, Steaming Hot Sex, Christian Style. Part One

By Fred C. Rochester, Pastor. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

Attraction of the opposite sex. Compatibility. Relationship, Romance, Marriage. Kissing. Necking. Petting. Fondling. Intercourse. Orgasm! 

Yes! Yes! YES! AND OH YES!!!

Then comes children, child rearing, and the cycle of life starts all over again.

The seemingly insatiable desire for more sex between married Christian couples.

These are the common words associated with sex. Don’t blush because you see this everyday on satellite, DVDs, cable, or the Internet. But only of the sexually immoral kind. Like Adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, and bestiality. Very few of us ever wonder if Christians that are married have enjoyable, meaningful, red hot sex. The answer depends on who you ask.

Now that the economy and measurable STDs are forcing couples to reconsider severing relationships, we still see that marriage between a male and female is God’s best plan for the safest sex. One thing is clear, many people, Christians and pastors or ministers, engage in unsafe sexual immorality almost on equal footing as the world.

The reasons range from a mistress such as work, business, or other non sexual activities to an actual affair with a body.

My late Aunt once told me that sex is enjoyable for unmarried couples too, or words to that affect. As a young preacher, I was taken aback by her statement. She didn’t care that God’s ordained plan for safe sex is within the confines of marriage.

Most professed born again believers desire sex. We are human. It is a natural God given desire. However, the best way to enjoy sex is in a monogamous relationship between two distinctly opposite and sexually compatible individuals that love each other. Disagree if you wish but the penalty is still there to remind you of what God originally intended.

Contrary to many beliefs and current trends of thinking, sex is a very much in demand subject but least talked about in the Christian church. Sometimes the only time that sex is talked about is when sexual immorality takes place. We hear nothing but the negative.

There must be a presentation of a balanced approach if the church is to stem the tide of sexual immorality in the church. The objective of consequential judgment is to remind us of what the Holy Lord said in His Word.

Hebrews 13:4 says,

“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (unsoiled); but adulterers and fornicators (porn) God will judge.”

As long as you are married, your sex romps is according to God’s original intent and the bed is free of human defecation or contamination. Sin contaminates the bed like having sex in a bed full of human feces. I know gross and graphic but how else could God’s word describe adultery and fornication?

There is a positive side to great sex within the confines of holy matrimony. We must remember that before we were Christians, we were sinners in the world. When we accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, our sexuality came with us. The only thing that should have happened is that the perversion of sex should have ceased.


The first instance of NT teaching along these lines came from the Lord Jesus. In actuality, the NT started when Pentecost came. Nonetheless, Jesus came with a word that startled many men.

In Matthew 5:27, the Lord Jesus sat on the mount and talked about…sex.

Well, sex of an adulterous nature.

We must understand that whoever creates any thing has a right to make up the rules.

Just like certain games. Whoever created the game must create the rules so that the game could be played correctly. When there is a violation of the rules in the game, there must be a penalty or a reset to start the game over. That’s the games of this world. But when it comes to life’s rules, the stakes are much higher. The penalties are stiffer. And in most cases, irreversible.

What man has decided to do is change the rules apart from the Creator expressed in the Word of God.

The Word of God is the rule of law.

When we violate the Word of God, we are subject to its penalty and consequences.

“In the beginning God created…” 

Our names cannot be found anywhere in Genesis chapter one so that excludes and exempts us from changing the rules.


We are powerless to create.

We are only allowed or empowered to procreate or REPRODUCE.

God created man from the dust. We do not have that power to take dust and make a human. When you have figured out a way to take dust and create a container and then blow into man the breath of life to become a living soul, please let us know.

God produced male and female. Male and female are to reproduce more males and females.

To do this, man must have sex. However, before he could have sex, he must have a wife.


There are many distractions that inhibit both the husband and the wife from sexual performance.

Jobs, kids, timing, emotions, financial security, and energy.

These are some of the obstacles that couples face everyday. According to Dr. William M. Struthers, who wrote the book, “Wired For Intimacy,” men are “wired for sex.” While this is a book about how pornography affects the brain, it is a clear indication that men, on sight and thought, can get his engines ready and revved up for sex.

The circuitry or influence of sexual behavior is different for both male and female. The problem for married couples is making the necessary adjustments and mutual compromises to make sex enjoyable. Sex could be work but under the right circumstances and situations, sex could be taken to places that would make a marriage last for life.

There are many people, inside and outside the church that shut down the kind of sex that would keep marriages from falling apart. Married women are inhibited and sometimes insecure of their bodies. This can definitely put a strain on the kind of sex she would love to give her husband.

The idea is not to make changes that a person is not comfortable or capable of making unless the desire is there. In making changes, an opposite effect could take place as well. What kind of reaction will other men have when your wife comes in after making certain changes?

We all know what men fantasize about. Men are sight wired and thought wired.

Proverbs 27:20 says,

“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”

The eyes of man is always in search for beauty to stimulate his mind. Just because a man’s eyes are never satisfied does it mean that he has permission to seek other women in an attempt to satisfy something that could never be satisfied.

When a man gets married, he picked the one woman that he wants to look at for the rest of his life. Married man, your eyes cannot google and your mouth cannot dribble at another woman. Once you are married, no other woman is to be desirable for you. No other woman is more beautiful. The search switch must be turned off after the marriage is solemnized and consummated in the bedroom.

As devastating it is to a woman you are engaged to, during that “feeling out” not “shacking up” process, you can break off the engagement. Reneging on the promise to marry is a very hurtful and coldblooded way to get out of a relationship unless you’ve observed something in yourself that reveal that you are not ready to take on the responsibility of relationship. Cold feet is also just a man getting scared of the fact that his commitment to a wife prohibits extramarital sins.

Once he is married, he can no longer play the field. To do so would risk and compromise his health for the rest of his life.

This is the most difficult part for man because other women that aren’t married are always in passive search mode. So unmarried and even some married women will wear things that range from provocative to conservative to attract the attention of a man.

In some cases, they’ll attract the roving eyes of a married man.

It is left to the man to enforce the discipline of his eyes during marriage on one woman only. His wife. No matter how desirable another woman may be.

Job 31:1 says,

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon young woman?”

Job was married and the sin of sight adultery never entered his mind. His statement was a statement of fact that sexually looking and lusting after a young woman was not the door for calamity to enter his life. Not too many men, including me, could say that.


Now the opposite of a wired man is a wired woman. The circuitry for her is clearly different. We know that in the fantasy of women, it’s the romance. It’s all about how she feels about herself that makes her feel attracted to her husband. Her sexuality is tied to her emotions and the way she feels about herself. She must be coaxed or gradually persuaded to engage in sex.

Coaxed or persuaded not in the abusive sense.


It’s all about treating her right.

She has to feel secure, safe, loved, connected, affirmed, and esteemed for her real value.

While she is also sight minded in the sense that she sees something in a man that she feels attracted to, the attraction is partly about how will that man treat her. When a woman has many things going on in the mind or within her emotions, the way she feels determines whether or not she will sexually engage with her husband.

The bedroom value increases exponentially when these things are firmly established. Brothers, great sex will always come when you value her for who she is and not only what she could do in the bedroom. Hot, steamy sex for married couples is achievable when a man does the right thing with her wife.

Telling her truthfully honest and meaningful things in a loving way will start her engine.

Dis-arming your wife with kindness will help her unwind.

When you are uptight and she is uptight, it only leads to no romps. When you take the time to resolve the issue and hear her out, when she believes in her heart that you have “connected” with her, the physical connection will happen.


She wants to know that you understand her for her.

If her mind isn’t resting or rested but preoccupied with the events of her life, she must be given time to resolve these issues.

Men love beauty.

That’s what a man desires. But outer beauty is only an introduction to the inner beauty of his queen. Therefore, inner beauty makes the outer beauty that much more enticing. That’s what intimacy is about. A husband wants to get into his wife but the true door to her is her heart.

The external is just the introduction. 

The natural expression of sex is the culmination of what you have found deep inside her heart.

Her love for you.

When she knows that her heart has been penetrated, a natural penetration takes place.

When orgasm takes place, oh my!

In Ephesians 5:32, Paul said that, “This is a profound mystery.”

When a man treats his wife the way Christ treats the church, my goodness.

The marriage bedroom of a man and his wife can be too hot to handle. And there would be no shame.

So yes, Christians can have steamy, hot sex. It’s all a matter of understanding how to appreciate and esteem each other in ways that lead to a series of hot bedroom romps that the world wish they could have. (listen to our Secret Sexual Sins Broadcast)

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