Oops, I Did It Again; How Do I Stop Masturbating; For Good?

I can’t believe I did it again. Lord, I thought that I would be done with this. I can’t break free. Why, Lord? Why am I still bound. I promised that I wouldn’t do it again, and I have failed.

Forgive me, Lord. I’m sorry.

O wretched man that I am! Who will be able to deliver men from this body of death?

No. I am not talking about me in relapse (Fred Rochester), there is a backstop of prevention instituted and incorporated in my life, but the many other men and women that remain bound when they do not have to be bound. Masturbation, adultery, fornication, bisexuality, homosexuality. It’s a constant cycle for many and it seems like there is no way out.

But there is.

You just need to make up your mind to cross the line to God and never go back.

Now mind you, Paul said…“Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall….”

When I read that Scripture, Paul issued a warning that if you do not pay attention to your surroundings, you will fall.

As long as you pay attention to your surroundings, you will not fall.

The moment you take your eyes off of the Lord, fail to put the Word to work in constant instant application to your life, mainly, your eyes, hands, and your mind, you will fall.

Look at what the Lord gave Peter.

“Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.”

“But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self- control, to self- control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.

For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble;

This is not perfection.

This is watching and praying.

Watching who you submit to (God and the Word), and learning how to put it all together to keep free of sexual addictions and bondages.

In 24 hours, 2.1 billion persons will download Internet porn.


Now, you’ve tried to stop.

You’ve fasted and prayed. Confessed the Scriptures. Talked to your pastor or accountability partner, or your accountability group that you trust and feel safe with, but the urge got too strong to overcome.

What really happened was that the urges and impulses were allowed to rule in such a way that you gave up fighting them. Remember, the temptation has limitations imposed by God. It’s your urges and impulses that need to be disciplined.

You tried to escape, but all of a sudden, you find yourself making the provision for the flesh. One thing led to another, and after it’s over, the remorse sets in.

Once again, you cave in to the desires of the flesh and the mind. In most cases, multiple episodes in one day.

I know. I, and many other men and women fell prey to the lusts of the mind the flesh.

How did God delivered me?

But first…..

Hopelessness sets in and there is an inner surrender to the will of the flesh and mind.

Hopelessness is not the end.

The mind enters into hopelessness when the mind deceptively convinces itself that there is no way out. Even when there is a way out, the mind refuses to accept a way out and self inflicted or self imposed banishment sets in.

For every believer in Christ, there is hope. The Lord promised this in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

In Mark chapter 5, Jarius’ daughter fell ill and eventually died. On the way to help her, the woman with the issue of blood was hopeless because she spent all that she had and she went to many doctors. It looked very hopeless for her until she heard of what the Lord Jesus could do. Her hopelessness turned into faith and while in the condition, she reached out to the Lord and received her healing.

While Jesus was conversing with the woman, some of the people at Jarius house came with some bad news. His daughter died. And they said to him…“Why trouble the Teacher any further.”

In other words, abandon all hope. There is nothing that Jesus could do.

Death has a way of stealing any chance of hope. It’s the same with certain situations in life. We honestly believe that when something happens, it’s beyond even the reach of God. That’s where faith shuts down and there is an acceptance of the conclusion.

First, you are still alive. So that is an indication that you have hope right there. Second, God never threw you away, did He? Third, the Word is there to help you, not condemn you.

There is a difference between making a mistake and intentional sin.

In either case, grace is the same, however, when we keep on sinning, knowing that the Lord will be gracious, we run the risk of assumption. The one thing that we have to be careful about is abusing the grace of God, or taking full advantage of the grace of God. God is all the time forgiving us; time and time again because it is His nature.

He loves us.

He knows that we are flesh or dust.

BUT there comes a point in our lives that we leave assumption behind and either live fully for Him or walk away from Him to live in a backslidden condition.

Remember what Peter said, you are to have and abound in “self control, perseverance, godliness.”

Then Peter said…

“For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble…”

Stopping the stumbling is in your court. At anytime, you can stop stumbling.

Now because you are born again, Galatians 5:22 says that “The fruit of the Spirit….self control.”

You have self control already within you because you are in Christ.

So, how did the Lord deliver me?

Deliverance is always in the plan of God for His people but the work was already done on the cross of Christ. The only thing that is left is accepting the face value of the Word of salvation, that is, working in our lives what the Lord already did for us by working the Word of God.

Simply put, it’s called application or practice what you preach. Preaching is good, living what is preached is better. “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” but doing is now required to show your faith. It is now a matter of taking what you received by faith and manifesting the required expected action.

Jesus said, “If anyone hear these saying of Mine and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on a rock: and the rains descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, and it did not fall, for it was founded upon a rock.”

As James said, As the body without the spirit is dead, so then faith without works is dead also.”

Just like when we receive money, we know exactly what to do with money. We either save it or we spend it. Well, the Word of God is the same way. When we read the Word, we put the Word to work.

If you do not want to fall any more, be like a wise man, build your house on a rock and when the storm comes, you will not fall. What did this man do to be called a wise man? He heard the Word and He did the Word.

Remember, Peter said that we are to “add to self control, perseverance.”

It’s now a matter of developing self control through constant and instant application to the Word of God in perseverance or patience.

Perseverance is patience under extreme conditions.

The Greek word for perseverance is “hupomone” and it means “a remaining under.”

You are not willing to walk away prematurely. You choose to remain under. Just like when the storm passes, to stay protected, you remain under cover. It takes discipline to remain under.

If you recall the parable of the sower, (see Luke 8), the ones that are on stony ground are the ones, upon hearing the Word, received it with joy but they endure for a little while and when temptation comes they become unfruitful. But Jesus continues and says….

“But the ones (seed) that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”

The word “patience” is the same Greek word translated in 2 Peter 1, “hupomone.”

James chapter 1 says… “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the trying of your faith produces patience, But let patience have it’s perfect work, that you may be complete, lacking nothing….Blessed is the man that endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”

The word “patience” is the same Greek word translated in 2 Peter 1 and Luke 8:15, “hupomone.”

The reason why we fall into sin is because we do not give the seed of the Word time to grow roots. The stony ground is indicative of an heart that is impenetrable. The seed can never penetrate hard places. All seeds needs good soil or good ground so the sower could plant it in the ground in order for it to grow.

But this stony ground is also indicative of an impatient heart. We fail to let the word have enough time to get deep into our hearts.

Look at the Scriptures above again and you will note that various trials and testings will come. Make no mistake about it.

But what is the goal? To pull you away from Christ. But also “that the testing of your faith produces patience.” So you must recognize that the testing of your faith is constant.

Everything is a test. You will not go on to the next lesson in life until you pass the test. If you wonder why you are left back on the spiritual grade level, it’s because you haven’t passed the test yet.

Pass the test and you can move to the next grade of glory.

You won’t know how to recognize and keep yourself under the Word of patience and perseverance if tests and trials do not come your way.

The mind and the flesh has to be disciplined if you are going to stay in Christ.

What it all boils down to is perfecting obedience regardless of how bad the mind wants pleasure and the no matter how bad the urges and impulses get. To deny the flesh is a very tough thing to do because the flesh always wants to have its way but when you are in Christ, the flesh must be denied and disciplined.

That’s why it takes patience, perseverance. Then the Word says…“godliness.” Godliness is respect or reverence of God.

This is how I was able to work with the grace of the Holy Spirit to incorporate self control, perseverance, and godliness.

In 1 Corinthians 9:27. Paul said,

“I discipline my body and bring it under subjection…” and “cleansing myself from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”

We will never escape the presence of sin while we are living on this earth. But we, like Paul said, are to “reckon ourselves dead indeed to sin, but alive unto God.”


Pretend Sex

Charisma wrote a good article about the affects of porn which could be read here…


In the article, there were many good points but the point that many of these kinds of articles leave out, perhaps, intentionally, is the habit of masturbation.

Masturbation is pretend sex.

Depending on the urges and impulses of the human, and the preference of porn, whether same sex or opposite sex, there is no way possible to extricate porn from masturbation.

Granted, a man could masturbate without porn but we all know that porn heightens the mood to act out sexually. It’s called mental stimuli.” The mind wants it’s sexual time too. The soul is always looking for pleasure and the further it looks into that satisfaction, the more depraved a person becomes. Except within the boundaries of two loving, caring, opposite sexed married persons. 

Got to qualify these things these days.

Remember Proverbs 27:20?

“Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”

As a note, a known former porn producer said that the last frontier of porn is children.



In one instance, a man sexually assaulted a toddler.

A baby.

Depravity knows no boundaries or limits. When you say that you would never cross a line, in reality, that’s a statement of preparatory intent.

There are many that will argue about masturbation. And it ranges from “nothing said in the Bible.” to “Boy’s will be boys.”

Biblical inferences would be shot down in a heartbeat.

But what are the three things common with all masturbation?

1. Hands.

2. Eyes.

3. Thoughts- images self generated or film (still or motion) produced.

Remember when Jesus said….

“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you…if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you?”

Then the Lord Jesus said this in Matthew 15:19…

“For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts….

The Amplified Bible says….

“For out of the heart come evil thoughts (reasonings and disputings and designs) such as murder, adultery, sexual vice…”

So out of the dark heart of man comes the thoughts to carry out sin. It is transferred to the mind and the body acts out what is thought of.

Without hands, there are numerous ways to achieve orgasm, but sex, according to Genesis 2:24, is to be shared with an opposite partner that you are married to.

The reason why I am mentioning this is that we all know the ill affects of porn but when we do not zero in on what happens when men or women watch porn, we are just circling the covered wagons and never actually make an assault on the problem.

I will not take the time to talk about all of the reasons why masturbation is against the “one flesh” principle in Genesis 2:24. I thoroughly covered the subject in many previously written blogs and on BlogTalkRadio.com/prevailingword1.

Sexual addiction rituals predominantly end in orgasm. That’s the goal, right?

To finish.

To finish what you started.

Now God created sex and sex is pleasurable. It’s the only activity that give pleasure with a serious face. But seriously. People are in bondage or enslaved to the urges and impulses of the flesh and mind.

And if we do not get into that place of utilizing as Dr. Mark Laaser puts is so powerfully, act out sexually in healthy meaningful ways, we run the risk of entrenching ourselves and never get the quality help to break sexual addiction cycles.

When you cannot control, manage, or stop sex, you might be addicted.

These three elements indicate that you are not permitting your urges and impulses to gain control over your life. In other words, you know what these urges and impulses look like and you recognize what you need to do to reduce it’s potency and power so that you are not driven by it.

Can you do without sex?

This is a very powerful question because if you cannot do without it, the disciplining process will never kick in.

Sex, as well as anything made on this planet is a servant. There is only One Lord God.

When you serve sex, you dethrone God. Additionally, you are also worshipping or at the very least, using the members of your body as an instrument to fulfill sexual needs. But what else are you doing? You may be hurting inside and you are using masturbation to heal deep seated wounds in the soul that only God, through His Word could heal. Masturbation and the process of euphoric sex sometimes is used as “medicinal properties” like being in a “Pharmaceutical.” 

Yes, a person could become chemically addicted to the releasing of internal chemicals to the blood stream.

Perhaps, you are looking to reward yourself with sex for a job well done?

These needs are connected to how you are emotionally. When you cannot control your emotions, sometime you go down the path to fill the holes of love, self worth, value, esteem, and other emotions that is a part of your make up.

But all these are clear indications that you are out of fellowship with God and His Word.

Self intimacy issues reveal a lack of being intimate with God.

The late Dr. Ed Cole, the progenitor of the modern day Christian Men’s Network said,

“Prayer produces intimacy with God.”

All intimacy issues stem from one place. A lack of fellowship with God. No matter how many times you look at it, all you need to do is go to one place where man is lacking.

True fellowship with God.

To strive against sin with blood, as Hebrews 12:4 says, means that you didn’t pluck your right eye out, you didn’t cut your right hand off. Figuratively speaking of course. You didn’t do something radical enough to get you to stop. That’s what Jesus meant and that’s what must be done if you are going to break free of masturbation.

Whenever we look for common excuses to masturbate, you are not serious enough about pleasing the Lord in every way.

So my point today, is simple. If we are going to break an enslaving habit, talking about the ill affects of porn is not enough. We need to go deeper. We need to uncover what we do in secret, delve into some reasons that lead us to the source as to why we masturbate, and then look to apply the remedy of the Scriptures to finally break free.

Otherwise, talking about porn is basically a mute point.

The Masturbation Question, Trigger Mechanisms: What Sets A Person Off To Masturbate?

We will be discussing trigger mechanisms and delve into why we do what we do. Paul said that it is a shame to speak of those things done in secret. He said it is a shame. He didn’t say that we can’t talk about it.

My only intent is to get men and women to see that the devil is out to steal, kill, and destroy the institution of marriage and married couples. He has no problem showing the world what he does through people on the screens and in secret. What we in the church do is that when a scandal happens, we run from the places where we need to go to completely expose the secret places of the hearts of men and women.

I have no problems sharing in this area because if someone gets free as a result, then I did my job. Hate me, throw me under the bus, been there before, condemn me, rebuke me. I’ve been there before, but the truth must be told so that others might be free.

Have you ever sat down and wondered after you watched porn, masturbated, and then came to yourself? Have you ever asked yourself a question like “Why do I do what I do?”

After over 33 years of being trapped in the bondage of self gratification, commonly called masturbation, I started to gain some understanding about why I do what I did. There was no question in my mind that during this time that what I was doing was sin. Again, many of you may not agree with me. I understand where you are coming from because there is no Scripture that tells us that masturbation is a sin.

However, for me, it was.

As I was watching the National Geographic Channel about Female Correction Officers, they would have to walk through a very dangerous section of the prison where they must check on the male inmates. Right at the time that the female guards would walk past the inmates locked doors with observation windows, the men would start gratifying themselves in full view of the female correction officers.

My point?

If masturbation isn’t a sin, would you engage in masturbatory behavior for all to see? That’s what male porn stars do at the end of their “show.”

We all know that it is lewd behavior. So how could your private self sex romp not be lewd? Your answer would be that because it is in the privacy of my home. Great answer but how will you answer lewd behavior?

It’s because the intense pleasure overrides all the guilt in the world until after you are done. Remorse sets in and then, the cycle begins again.


To recap a little on urges and impulses, the book of James chapter one gives us a very powerful point by point explanation of the effects of falling into temptation.

“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away from his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death.”

In everyone’s flesh, there is a preference for the kind of sin one will engage in. The devils assigned to your generation studies each person. They study you to see what your preference for sin is and then suggest to you where you need to go, and what you need to do to fulfill your preference. There are certain sins that a person will not do because it is repulsive, but the sin that you identify with is what you will engage in.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “…and let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us…” Notice the writer of Hebrews said, “…the sin…” We all have a preferred sin that we commit with no problems. The Word tells us to lay it aside.

My question to you is “Do you want to lay it aside or remain ensnared?”

You do have a desire to be free from every enslaving yoke of bondage. You are tired of remorse and desire true repentance. Godly sorrow works repentance leading to salvation (see 2 Corinthians 7:10).

Godly sorrow occurs when you are walking down the street and all of a sudden an overwhelming sense or a realization takes place that God was hurt by your behavior. You can’t help but let a tear drop. Or you are driving down the street and you sense in your soul that pronounced feeling that you are truly sorry for treating God the way you did.

Sometimes, this will happen over and over again. It’s not that you are repenting again. You are understanding the full magnitude of the grief that God experienced. But it doesn’t end there. What God does in that process is take you, supernaturally in His eternally big, loving arms and wrap you up in His tender mercies and forgiveness.

Like an understanding Heavenly Father, He understands your pain and heals you of the malady of false intimacy. He understands because we do not realize the magnitude of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. The only thing that we are aware of is that He went to die for us. All the while, He not only died for us, but Jesus took up on the cross with Him our agonizing, our addictions, all of them.

The Savior took upon Himself our transgressions, our iniquities. He was a Man of sorrows (anguish), and acquainted with grief (maladies, sickness, and anxieties). And yes, with His stripes, we are healed.

We can come to the Father, in Jesus name, to be healed physically, but our souls need that emotional healing and Jesus took upon Him our anguish and our sexual addiction to false intimacy. He took upon Him our compulsive habit to masturbate.

He took upon Him our hopelessness to be delivered. He took upon Him our stubbornness to remain in Secret Sexual Sins. He took it all away on the cross so urges and impulses no longer rule the way we live.

Every temptation is designed to lure you into the sin that you prefer to commit unless you turn down the offer and resist your urges and impulses. Now when you are married, your natural urges and impulses can be acted upon as a married couple.

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, if you are burning with passions, it is best to find a wife or a husband, get married to lovingly release sexual tension. It is better to marry than to burn.

Then the rest of that Scripture in James says, “drawn away from his own desires and enticed…” In other words, the enemy makes it very difficult for you to suspend your desires by dangling flesh before your eyes. If the inner discipline isn’t there, you will yield to the enticement.

That’s why undercover Christian brothers do not mind going to a Beyonce concert. A Rhianna concert. An Angelina Jolie movie, or any other professional seductress. Undercover Christian brothers do not mind going to movies they know they have no business going to. The sad thing is their wives don’t mind either.

Once the desire has conceived. In other words, the decision to engage or make provision for the vision of fulfilling the desires of the flesh and the mind, sin is accomplishing only one goal. Separation from life. Death is a separation from life. Every time a child of God sins, a death is taking place. You are no longer associated with life (see Romans chapter 8:1-16).

However, thank God that the Lord made provision for us to be cleansed and forgiven (see 1 John 1:9). Not as a loop hole but to live in forever repentance (see 1 John 2:1-6).

Remember, Paul said, “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Once urges and impulses are identified, we now must identify our trigger mechanisms. What sets us off to start down the path to fulfill the desires of the flesh and the mind?

After the trigger mechanisms are identified, now you must employ the strategy of sexual discipline according to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.

When it comes to urges and impulses of single and divorced people, you must depend upon the grace of God to overcome, subdue, and exercise dominion over them so that you would not sin sexually.

Right behind understanding urges and impulses, like the saying goes, there is cause and reaction.

During the latter end of the bondage to masturbation in my life, I began to see that a series of things were occurring in my life that kept me in this almost never ending cycle.

When it comes to Secret Sexual Sins, it is important that the first conclusion is clearly understood. Otherwise, you will use certain events that happen in your life as a means of justification to engage in self justified self sex acts due to trigger mechanisms.

I’ll explain trigger mechanisms in a moment.

All sexual sins are sins of the mind and flesh. If we fail to discern that it is sin in our lives that drive us to do what we do, we will make up every possible excuse just to get off. I know that some of you love to separate the self sex act from lewd behavior however, the conclusion is always the same.

Your conscience is bothering you.

Your body feels good, but your soul feels bad.

For instance, when I allow my emotions to rule, I would always look for something to alter that emotion.

Case in point when the church my wife and I are pastoring isn’t growing or doing so well, I felt bad. It was a let down. Couple that with pressures of the secular job and major financial set backs and I was an emotional basket case. Always looking to heal the wounds of the day or somehow look for a place where I would feel good about myself.

I know what to do.

I will let off sexual tension to feel good.

Along with masturbation, I would bring fuel to the fire.

Porn, watching women, fantasizing about sex, and other forms of mental arousal to masturbate.

The trigger mechanisms that I have experienced may not be consistent with every man, but there is a common fuel.

Here I am, a married man that could have sex with my wife. And having sex with my wife should have been enough but I deceived myself into thinking that it isn’t enough because what I would also do is something that is completely unfair to my wife.

Porn and masturbation.

Porn portrays the women as picture perfect. They could do no wrong in bed. So, because you run the comparison, there is no way possible that your wife will rise to the level of a porn star. So an unjustified hatred of your wife drives you away from your wife.

When things go wrong in the house, or in the church, or on the job, the wife gets the unfair treatment that she is a part of the problem and you no longer want her. You want that perfect porn star that is just doing a scripted sex act.

When you are dealing with porn, there is a spirit of lust and anger. Those of you that do or no longer watch porn will note that while it appears that she is “enjoying” the sex, she isn’t. Little do we realize she is in pain. The man is abusing her.

Also, when you are watching the man, he is definitely going over the top by hitter her and penetrating to the point of unbearable pain. Most of the men that are performers appear to be angry and you can tell in the way they abuse women on the porn sets.

This same attitude is carried over in the bedroom of husbands and wives all across the world. Husbands mistreat their wives in the bedroom. It is almost as if a spirit comes upon them and it is because there are things that a husband will do that the wife will feel that he is doing something that made her feel abused, dirty, and like a sex object.

What was done to her was not pleasurable but disgusting and she feels that way simply because the same spirit that is in the man that watched porn came into the bedroom and he wasn’t acting like a husband, He was acting like that porn performer that is possessed with a spirit of lust.

A trigger mechanism is simply an event or thing that causes something to happen.

When it comes to trigger mechanisms, each person is different and will experience different negative occurrences in their lives that become part of their repertoire or ritual towards achieving either escape, sexual release, or medicinal properties to heal deep seated wounds of the soul that only the Lord is able to heal.

What is consistent with what was happening with me is that I would experience seasons of depression, despondency, and other issues that dominated my thinking. Instead of looking to the Lord and His Word, I would look to masturbation to temporarily ease the pains of the day.

What are the basic trigger mechanisms that starts the ball rolling?

These were the various trigger mechanisms would dominate my day.

1. Loneliness
2. Anger
3. Frustration
4. Despondency
5. Lack of Affirmation
6. Lack of Appreciation
7. Bitterness
8. Disillusionment
9. Disappointments
10. Envy
11. Jealousy

Other trigger mechanisms are potentially connected to sexual abuse episodes in the past. Past male child molestations sometimes are carried over by many husbands that never reveal these abuses for years.

Little do we know that these hidden episodes comes alive in the bedroom of many couples.

There are many trigger mechanisms that operate in man. At the same time, how we deal with certain issues will determine what we will do to deal with it.

For instance, in another area, the bottom line of life will always be winning and losing. Success and failure.

Dr. Archibald Hart, author of “The Sexual Man” once said, (paraphrasing) it doesn’t matter if a man is a success or a failure, he will engage in sexual immorality.

If he is winning, he will reward himself. If he is losing, he will alter his loser’s mood to feel better. If he is hurting inside, he will heal himself through masturbatory activities.

I noticed that in my own life. When I feel successful, I want to reward myself. Sex is the best pay off in the natural. There would be very few rewards in my life, so I concluded that I might as well reward myself.

The euphoria to reward or alter my mood by self sex is very compelling. You want to celebrate and the best way to celebrate in the natural is sex. You want to feel better the best way you can so sex is going to be the way to go.

When I feel like a failure or because of failure, I want something to “pick me up.” There is no greater pick me up in the physical world than sex. But usually, it’s short lived because reminders of failure returns.

Especially after your conscience tells you that you’ve sinned again. Therefore, excessive sex acts is just like overdosing on drugs. You are looking to run or escape like a fugitive from the pain of failure or loss.

When it comes to pastors in ministry, when success or failure comes, we could also be governed by the four “E” of ministry.

Expediency (which means “a means to an end, not necessarily a principled or ethical act.”

Whether you feel successful or a failure, if you do not love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, you will go down this path to commit secret sexual sins.

So when you identify your trigger mechanisms, the next thing that you must do is seek the Lord in prayer and find Scriptures to come against the trigger mechanisms. Then you begin to employ moment by moment discipline to never yield to urges and impulses, sinfully act out compulsive behaviors that negatively address your situation.

Remember, there is a variety of ways that the Holy Spirit will help you overcome yielding to temptation and using sin as a resort to deal with issues directed against your life. Jesus is the Master of your domain and life. By declaring the Lordship of Jesus through the process of prayer and the Word, you will gain the upper hand in defeating sexual temptations every time.

Please go to http//:www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 to listen to any of our Secret Sexual Sins broadcast.

The Masturbation Question, “Urges And Impulses”

You do not have to look to the world to know that masturbation is a problem in the church among men and women. We do not need statistics for this because we all know that it is pandemic in the church.

Several years ago, as I was attending a seminar at Calvary Baptist Church in midtown manhattan, a young man stood up and asked a question about whether masturbation was a sin or not. You could hear a pin drop.

The moderator was taken aback by the question which was posed to him twice. He didn’t have a definitive answer and very politely brushed him off. There was no question in my mind that the young man was frustrated. I do not know if he was struggling with his conscience about it, but clearly, he went away without a definitive answer.

Looking back in hind sight, it was almost as if the Lord was warning me about what I was doing in secret. Up until that point, I didn’t know what the word “Masturbation” meant. I didn’t even bother to look it up. But I knew it had something to do with what I was doing as a young believer and minister in the Lord over 30 years ago.

There’s millions of people that is searching for definitive answers about masturbation. However, there is a vast majority of believers that will disagree about stopping masturbation and there is a reason which we will explore in another segment on this ground breaking series.

Again, there is no specific Scriptures that specifically state that masturbation is condemned. However, as I have pointed out. Just because the Bible is silent in one area, it doesn’t mean that we have permission to engage.

Can you control your urges and impulses?

If you are married, you can enjoy an normal sex life without masturbation, fornication, and adultery. As Dr, Mark Laaser has said, you can regain “sexual sobriety.”

It begins by understanding how to curb, discipline, and govern your urges and impulses.

Paul mentioned in Colossians 3:5 that we are to put to death your members which are on earth…” Then there is a list of sins that our minds and flesh desire to fulfill.

fornication- porneia. Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words defines “porneia” as “illicit sexual intercourse.” It is safe to say that illicit sexual intercourse is between two persons of the opposite sex that isn’t married. If either of them were married, it would constitute adultery.

uncleanness- morals, suggestive of the fact that sensuality and evil doctrine are frequently associated. Out of religiosity, sexual sins could be reasoned as justified, such as the doctrine of Balaam, the Nicolaitans, and the doctrine of Jezebel. In most cases, uncleanness will have some connection to sexual sins such as the man in the tombs.

Interesting to note that while I was on a Metro North platform at Tarrytown in NY, there was a black apparently homeless man standing on the overpass. As I gazed in his eyes, I could see that he was obsessed or possessed.

But while he was standing there, he was masturbating. When I read the story about the man in the tombs whom Jesus cast out a legion of devils, he was described as naked, and could not be tamed. He would break the chains. He would cry out all night long.

He had unclean spirits. Obviously all devils are unclean but the devils that operate then as well as today in humans predominantly deal in the area of sexual sins. We all know that the lowest level of depraved acts are sex acts. In some cases, not in all cases, demonic levels of depraved sexual acts do occur.

Masturbation in public is exhibitionism and to suggest that it is a clear demonically inspired sex act is a bit over the top and rarely happens. Lewdness does take place but it occurs with people that do claim to have some semblance of normalcy. .

With depraved sex acts, especially when they are committed against women and children, this is different.

passion- aggressive lusts; excessive lusts.

evil desire- “to fix the desire upon.” Thayer’s, “To long or crave for.”

covetousness (which is idolatry)- “a greedy desire to have more” which is idolatry, the worship of false gods.

Please note that masturbation is not specifically mentioned here or anywhere is the Bible.

But what is the true driving factor of all masturbation?

It is found in four words.

Uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

If masturbation isn’t a sin, is there such thing as holy masturbation and unholy masturbation?

Remember, masturbation is self sex. It is an act done alone. As I shared in our last segment, the Lord said, “It is not good that man be alone.” To avoid masturbation was not the intended reason for the statement the Lord made. God created a compatible companion, suitable to his needs. Again, Adam and Eve were created perfect, in the image of God.

After the fall, things dramatically changed.

The rule of inference is applied because man will argue that since the Bible says nothing specifically about masturbation being a sin, then it is permitted. Very few men will tell you that they are thinking about their wives when it comes to masturbation.

Yeah right!

Not after a hot babe walks by you. Or you are walking by the magazine rack.

Men are stimulated by sight. We do not have to look long and hard at a woman. Just a slight glance is enough to file her in our soul for masturbatory use later. Sometimes, when we say that I’m just thinking about having my wife sexually, it is just an excuse to engage in manipulating yourself to orgasm.

Covetousness, which is idolatry, is the culmination of uncontrolled members that must be put to death.


When you cannot manage or control “urges and impulses,” it potentially turns into an addiction and Paul describes it as covetousness, which is idolatry.

Again, many of you may disagree and that’s fine. Here is something that you may need to consider.

Remember what the Lord said to the Samaritan woman at the well? The woman mentioned “worship” but Jesus mentioned true worship. The Father seeks for those that worship Him in spirit and in truth. What she thought was true worship was a cover for what she was really worshipping. The runaway “greedy desire to have more.” And she was willing to do everything possible to meet that need.

A need that is never met remains a need. With sexual needs, there are deep seated or underlying needs in both genders.

1. Love
2. Affirmation
3. Acceptance
4. Accomplishment or Success
5. Connectedness

All of these things are things that can only be satisfied in the true, spiritual worship of God.

When the Lord said, “You shall have no other gods before Me, for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God,” and when Jesus said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, This is the first and great commandment,” the Lord is letting us know that true satisfaction and love is found only in Him.

Psalm 16:11 says,
“You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Therefore, if we institute a priority to worship God in spirit and in truth, we can control our urges and impulses through giving God our full love for Him.

When this is accomplished, it is very easy to put these members to death.

Urges and impulses are signals given throughout the body to do certain things.

When we smell food, hunger is aroused. Even if you are not hungry, the smell arouses the desire to consume. When men watch women, sight arousal takes place. Also, if a man is thinking about sex, arousal will take place.

Urges and impulses need to be governed. Otherwise, covetousness, which is idolatry, will take place. When you cannot stop these urges and impulses from gaining the upper hand, they control what you do. In other words, you plan your day gathering as much sensual information as possible from as many sources as possible for the finale.

There would be times that I would meditate on the Word of God all day long and listen to praise and worship music too. But as soon as I turn to the newspapers, walk by the magazine rack in most stores, lustfully observe women, or view women from still pictures of internet images, all that worship was for nothing.

God knew my heart. We men of unbridled lust are all on the king’s balcony overlooking the area where she would come out and bathe herself. We are not where we supposed to be in God. We stay behind to get that one glimpse that would fill our hearts and minds with evil desires, unholy passions, and full blown lust.

By the time I got home, I’m completely overcome with lust in my heart, mind, and flesh.

When you look to self gratification, fornication, adultery, or prostitution to fulfill a sexual desire, you are out of control if you cannot stop. This is unhealthy sexual appetites.

Listen to the Amplified Bible of Colossians 3:5…

“So kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin]…”

When I wouldn’t kill, deaden or deprive of power the evil desire lurking in my members, those animal impulses, it was a battle that I would easily lose.

Here’s why.

I was looking forward to fulfill the lusts of the flesh and mind. When it comes to the pleasures of sin, if you are not serious about the things of the Lord, you will override every prompting of the Holy Spirit to evade and avoid the trap of secret sexual sins. You will deny the power of godliness. You will set aside the Word of God to escape, just to experience the pleasure.

The intense pleasure of self gratification drove me to engage as often as possible. From self foreplay, to orgasm. While the desire to stop was always in me, the desire to fulfill orgasmic pleasure suppressed my desire to live in holiness, sanctification, and righteousness.

The pleasure was the hook. It kept me coming back for more and more. Just like Paul said.

Covetousness- a greedy desire to have more, which is idolatry, the worship of idol gods.

I frequently bowed at the altar of sexual immorality. I worshipped my ability to climax by masturbation and the images of porn and other women were being worshipped as well. I know that at this point, you do not think that masturbation crossed over into covetousness or idolatry. You honestly believe that what you are doing is innocent. It’s just a releasing of sexual tension. That’s all.

You vowed that you would never cross the line into the upper tier of sexual addiction level one. Adultery, fornication, and prostitutes. But that’s what urges and impulses is all about.

When it comes to the lusts of the flesh and the lusts of the eyes, Proverbs 27:20 says, “Hell and destruction are never full. So the eyes of man are never satisfied.” When it comes to false or substitute sex, the thoughts of crossing the line are always there.

And yes, whether you realize it or not, you are doing everything in your power not to cross that line. And to a degree, that is a form of control.

However, we know that the devil will always come back with that suggestion and there will be times when the temptation is greater than you think.

The line that the enemy wanted me to cross is to do porn movies. Don’t be so shocked. It was a very brief temptation because of the diseases. After getting delivered, and studying about these diseases that are out there, I found out that it’s a very full minefield. No matter which way you stepped, you will step on a mine. And knowing the way my life is, it would have been the first mine.

What am I getting at? Urges and impulses will drive every decision you make to fulfill false fantasy. Urges and impulses will always drive you to take the plunge into other areas to keep you interested.

Masturbation will no longer be enough.

1 John 1:9 was worn out. I was operating in remorse, not repentance.

Finally, how can we control urges and impulses? How can we deaden and deprive of power the animal impulses lurking within our members? How can we overcome an entrenched sexually pleasurable habit?

If you recall the first installation of The Masturbation Question, you must conclude three things.

1. You are violating the “one flesh” principle.
2. You are a born again child of God, therefore, you have no need for old habits because you are a new creature in Christ.
3. If Jesus masturbated, then you have every right to masturbate. If Jesus didn’t masturbate, then you can exercise the same sexual discipline of Jesus by conforming to His image with the help of the Holy Spirit.

We must understand the we still live in a flesh suit. As long as we live, we will always have urges and impulses. The Lord gave us everything that we need to exercise control over our members.

Rule #1. God placed within you the ability to control yourself.

Galatians 5:22 says, “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, temperance or self control…”

Yes! Self control.

Within us is the ability to control ourselves by the power and aid of the Holy Spirit. You can stop. You can change. You can desist. You can defeat and bring into subjection all of your fleshly desires.

Romans 8:5-10 out of the AMP says,

“For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.

Set your mind on the Holy Spirit. How? By listening to the Word of God and fully yielding to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. For instance, when you see a woman across the street, the Holy Spirit will begin to train your eyes and mind to look elsewhere.

That’s 1 Corinthians 10:13 in operation when the Holy Spirit is making a way of escape for you that you may be able to bear under the temptation. Remember, the Lord will not allow you to be tempted above your ability to resist.

6 Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].

7 [That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law; indeed it cannot.

8 So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.

9 But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the [Holy] Spirit of God [really] dwells within you [directs and controls you]. But if anyone does not possess the [Holy] Spirit of Christ, he is none of His [he does not belong to Christ, is not truly a child of God].

10 But if Christ lives in you, [then although] your [natural] body is dead by reason of sin and guilt, the spirit is alive because of [the] righteousness [that He imputes to you].

Rule #2 You can resist every single temptation through prayer and the Word of God.

Hebrews 4:16 (AMP) says,

“Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well times help, coming just when we need it].”

2 Corinthians 12:9 (AMP) says,

“But He said to me, My Grace (My favor and loving kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and complete) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness…”

Hebrews 4:12 (AMP) says,

“For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two- edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.”

James 1:22-25 (AMP) says,

22″But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].

23 For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror;

24 For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like.

25 But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience).

To win the battle of the urges and impulses, you have to set out to pray and do the Word on a “moment by moment” basis. You cannot let a simple innocent thought go unchecked. Every thought must be brought into subjection and then the body must be subdued.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, you can gain control over your outer man if you begin to apply these Scriptures.

Please go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 to listen to any of our groundbreaking series on Secret Sexual Sins.

The Masturbation Question

Non Christians do it.

Christians do it.

Why do we do it?

There is no specific Scripture that declares that masturbation is a sin.

This is the smoking gun or search for WMD that will never happen. However, when you have a series of harmonious Scriptures that declare a consistent principle, to interject an act whether sinful or not, is an attempt to circumvent a consistent principle.

If there is no Scripture that says that it isn’t sin, I can engage in the practice.
As I’ve said before on many occasions. Just because the Scriptures is silent on a particular subject, it doesn’t mean that you have permission to engage in the act.

The one other side that must be shared is that again, too many people condemn themselves when they are trying to break free of addictive or compulsive habits. The Lord knows where you are in your struggles with the mind and flesh.

The goal that you desire to achieve is to regain sexual sobriety as Dr. Mark Laaser puts it and regain control or mastery over your flesh by the help and power of the Holy Spirit, with measurable team accountability. As Dr. Mark Laaser shared, you want to rid yourself of unhealthy sexuality and regain healthy sexuality.

To condemn yourself as lost forever in the sea of lust is not healthy for you. That’s what the devil wants you to do. Declare yourself lost and hopeless. The search and rescue team the Lord sent for you hasn’t given up the search for you. There is hope, peace, and love that awaits you if you give Jesus, the true lover of your soul, your heart, soul, mind, and body.

On the other hand, there are those that do struggle but when you struggle to justify an act that is a clear indication that you are having difficulty with having a clear conscience.

If this is you, you will do one of two things.

One. Suppress the condemnation and conviction through remorse or…

Two, Repent and ask the Lord for the blood of Jesus to wash you according to 1 John 1:9 and receive forgiveness.

Conclusion#1. Masturbation violates the “one flesh” principle.

Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Verse 24, Therefore the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Matthews 19:4-6 “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and he said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Please note the that Lord Jesus added “and the two.” It takes nothing away from the original text in Genesis 2:24 because all Jesus did was qualify the word “they.” Jesus wanted to make sure that the word “they” is qualified to mean Adam and Eve.

Ephesians 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Paul re-qualified the word “they” in Genesis 2:24 as Jesus did to make sure that you got it. “the two shall become one flesh.”

Therefore, the conclusion is definite. Sex is designed to be shared with two persons of the opposite sex in holy matrimony by joining themselves through sexual intercourse.

Let me add that sex is for pleasure and procreation. It is also used for bonding two persons together, thus securing the relationship.

So you have three witnesses that testify according to Deuteronomy 19:15 and 2 Corinthians 13:1, which speaks of the Witness Principle of Biblical Hermeneutics. God becomes an Established Witness. Jesus and Paul becomes a Confirming or Confirmation Witness.

Therefore, masturbation clearly violates the “one flesh” principle. You can’t become one flesh by yourself because God designed sex to be shared with two persons of the opposite sex in holy matrimony. Make believe physical contact, fantasizing about your wife while masturbating, and heart and mind adultery while masturbating is a clear violation of the one flesh principle.

Conclusion #2 You are a Born Again Believer, A New Creature or Creation In Christ
2 Corinthians 5:17, you have a new nature within you, the Spirit of Christ according to Romans 8:5-11, is within you. To masturbate when you are to be joined with your husband or wife, is a violation of the new nature of Christ within you.

Titus 3:5 “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior.”

Romans 12:1-2

Substitute Sex- Dr. William Struthers says, porn is hijacking the brain and you are masturbating to an image in your mind that isn’t physically there. Masturbation is a sex act but it is a self sex act. Meaning that you are having sex with yourself that clearly violates the original intention and design of sex by God.

Remember, God said that it is not good that man be alone. Generally, men and women masturbate in secrecy. We will not cover lewdness as far as voyeurism is concerned. In case you are not aware of what voyeurism is, it’s self satisfaction in watching other couples having sex.

Now, let me say that there are some couples that masturbate in front of each other. Is that a violation of the one flesh principle?

I must say yes, because you are touching yourself and not touching your spouse. We could go through a list of sex acts but that would not be necessary and it would distract from the original intent of this series. To apply a list of do’s and don’t to sex acts would be bedroom legalism and it would generate more questions and add strife.

However, when it comes to porn and sexually generated fantasies, it is a false image or fantasy that you are masturbating to. Which would you rather have? A body or an image? If it is an image you want and desire, then it is idolatry.

Listen to Colossians 3:5 (NKJ and AMP)

“Put to death your members which are upon the earth: fornication (pornea) uncleanness, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

Pay attention. The only time something has to be put to death is that it was found guilty of a violation and upon conviction, the penalty of death is imposed.

“So kill, deaden, and deprive of power the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is employed in you] sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).”

The Lord said, “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Now this is where we get into an outstanding Scripture. Remember when Jesus confronted the woman at Jacob’s well? She had how many husbands? 5. And the Lord told her that the one she was with wasn’t her husband. The conversation started with water, covered worship, and ended with an exposure of her sins.

What the Lord was doing was showing her that true intimacy can only be acquired through worship of God in spirit and in truth. The water that you are drinking (sexual immorality) is water that you will thirst after again. Hence, the repetition of multiple men to meet a need.

The water that Jesus offered is eternal and she would never thirst for another man ever again. It is the same with masturbation. If you look to masturbate over and over again, you will thirst again and never be satisfied. But if you look to the Lord Jesus, you will never thirst again.

There was no question that she was successful in seducing these men to heal deep wounds or to meet connection needs through physical intimacy, but she kept coming up short of true satisfaction. This is the case with many single, divorced, and married men that look to masturbation as a way to release sexual tension, heal emotional wounds, feel self love, or gain affirmation.

So when you are having self sex, notice that Paul lists these things as sensual appetites of the flesh. Noticed that he ended by saying “and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).”

Sex and the person having sex apart from the way God created sex can be deified.

As a side note, when you see people with strange pictures and clothing that reveals skin or the sexy form of a body that leaves nothing to the imagination, it is sexual deification. When you are masturbating, it is a form of self deification. Especially when it is compulsive. Later in this series, we will deal with addictions and compulsive sexual behaviors.

Conclusion #3. If you desire to be like Jesus and be conformed to His image, if Jesus masturbated then you have every right to gratify yourself so you would conform to His image.

Conclusion #4. Your conscience and body is violated and the Holy Spirit is grieved.

How do you know that you’ve violated any principle?

The voice of the human spirit is the conscience. The born again believer has the Holy Spirit living within him or her. When you commit sins of omission and commission, the Holy Spirit will object in the strongest terms because the Holy Spirit is holy.

Anything that violates the Word of God and the Holy Spirit, which agrees with each other, the Holy Spirit will be grieved and He will let you know it so that it’s unmistakeable.

While this Biblical example has nothing to do with sexuality, it has everything to do with how the conscience is affected when there is a specific violation.

1 Samuel 24:1-7

Listen to the NLT version,

“Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today is the day the Lord was talking about when he said, “I will certainly put Saul into your power, to do with as you wish.’ “Then David crept forward and cut off a piece of Saul’s robe. But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. “The Lord knows I shouldn’t have done it,” he said to his men. “It is a serious thing to attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord Himself has chosen him.” And David sharply rebuked his men and did not let them kill Saul.”

Conclusion#5. If you masturbate, you are loving yourself according to 2 Timothy 3:1, namely, “Lovers of themselves,” “without self control, and lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

Go to http//:www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 for the audio of this ground breaking series on The Masturbation Question.

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