In my previous article, we know that sexually immoral women have lusting eyes for male pastors, but the opposite is just as true.
Sometimes it’s the combination of the two when sparks fly.
A number of things could be behind the motivation of a male pastor to commit adultery, or if he’s single, commit the sin of fornication.
But it always begins with lust in the heart.
All a male need is a firecracker to come into his mind. Or in his mind, he constantly fantasizes or sexually objecticize women, inside and outside the house of worship.
In the book, Betrayal of Trust, there’s two types of male pastors.
“Wanderers & Predators”
The wanderer strayed from his marriage and regrettably sinned against God, and violated his vows to his wife to remain faithful. He’s regretted the sin and returns to his wife, to remain faithful for the rest of the marriage.
Then there’s the predator. He searches for a vulnerable partner and usually he picks out vulnerable women that may be looking for male connections.
It’s not always the case though.
Some of them are emotionally unstable, and this, in and of itself, isn’t the only reason that they allow themselves to be duped by a male pastor, but it’s probably high on the list.
Like an animal predator that looks for the young or the weak, the male pastor does the same thing. He seeks out the immature women in the Word of God and smells the scent of hopelessness, unsure, insecure, always looking for support and direction, filled with despair, isn’t confident, is very dependent, and very unsuspecting.
He avoids the strong in faith women in the house of worship.
He uses flattering words, give small gifts, and gains the confidence of his target. As soon as trust is built, he takes things to the next level.
At first, his target will appear apprehensive and very cautious. She instinctively gives signals that this isn’t appropriate. But he’s done it before. Male pastor predators are patient, looking for that one moment of a break in her defenses.
But words are seeds, gestures are seeds.
She ponders these kinds of actions and as soon as he determines a crack in the armor, he makes his move.
His eyes makes contact, he makes subtle touches of the hand, the shoulder, the waist, the kiss on the cheek.
ALL THESE ADVANCES IS A SET UP AND IF YOU’RE NOT CAREFUL……..
Many vulnerable women made the mistake and drop their guard.
After it’s all said and done, a regrettable sin is committed.
He used you and things are different now.
But it never stops. It feels like you’re obligated because it goes from a one night stand to an ongoing immoral relationship that goes on for days, weeks, and months.
That feeling of obligation is a sexual tie, only validated by holy matrimony.
That feeling of obligation is an immoral invalid tie to that male pastor.
Genesis 2:24 (NKJV Strong’s) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Notice what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:16-17 (NKJV Strong’s) “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”
So even if the pastor is married, the woman outside the marriage that engaged in sex with that pastor, established an illegal tie with that man.
When a woman expresses that they have “feelings” for that male pastor, when it’s solidified in the bedroom, the tie to him is immorally established.
This is where the woman must exercise caution and not be found in a place where a male pastor pursues an illegal immoral sexual relationship. Nothing good comes of this because sin is present.
Sin has consequences. And sin, in the end, leads to death.
If you’re about to be taken advantaged of by a male pastor, it’s best to seek the counsel of a wise, prayerful, seasoned in the Scriptures woman. Afterwards, it’s best to find another local assembly because if you remain there, he will make another advance.
It’s never a bad idea to SOUND THE ALARM.
Declare, in love and humility, what you know is the truth, and do that according to 1 Timothy 5:19-20.
If you seek to be slanderous, this is “sowing discord among the brethren.”
If you lie about it, all liars will have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone” (see Revelation 21:8).
Sometimes, he will not take “no” for an answer.
He will do everything in his power to close the deal.
The devil operating in that immoral pastor is a smooth talker.
Don’t even tell him that you’re leaving the house of worship for another.
Just abruptly leave. There’s nothing in the Word that tells you that you have to stay when that male pastor made a pass at you. You know what’s next and there’s no sense in remaining in a place where a lot of people will get hurt.
Even when you’ve established good relations with other members of that house of worship, when a male pastor, or any male is making unwanted sexual advances to you, leaving is an option on the table that should not be suppressed.
Hebrews 13:4 and Revelation 21:8 is clear.
There’s no beautiful sunset.
If you’re single and waiting for a man to pop the question of matrimony, it’s worth the wait. If you’re married and your marriage has lost its spark, adultery with a pastor is not the answer.
The Scriptures is clear about holiness and personal holiness must be maintained on both sides of the pulpit.
Beware of the wolf’s eyes behind the pulpit.
“Be sober. Be vigilant.”
Luke 12:2 and Psalm 90:8 never fails.
A very well known man of God, R C Sproul Jr., revealed his Secret Sexual Sins.
It takes courage to put out your sin. However, it should never take a hacker to put it out there to get you to confess.
It is unfair to speculate and it isn’t right to assume when you do not have the facts.
As best and as transparent as possible, R C Sproul Jr. put out as much details as possible to get us to understand his involvement with Ashley Madison’s adultery site. He is a widower so this, according to him, may have been after the death of his wife in 2011 of cancer.
One thing about secrets that I do know, unless this is a very truthful revelation, it leaves open the possibility that other secrets MAY be lurking. We do not know for certain and again, it would be very unfair to speculate without facts.
When dealing with Secret Sexual Sins, it is clear that there is the possibility of other forms of involvement in sexual sins, such as porn and masturbation that may be evident. Each person is different. There may be no involvement of porn and masturbation by R C Sproul Jr. We do not know and it would not be appropriate to seek this information.
I know what this is like BEFORE the Lord exposes you.
In my book Secret Sexual Sins, there is a chapter called “Come Clean! Or Be Exposed.”
I detailed how the Lord rescued me before He would tell the world what I had been up to in porn and masturbation.
It’s embarrassing for the Lord to put your sexual business out for the world to see, but when you insist on sinning before God, and then attempt to cover it up, you shall not prosper (see Proverbs 28:13).
The one thing that God always does is that He offers grace and forgiveness no matter how far along you are in your rebellion. When God exposes our Secret Sexual Sins, it is embarrassing but had we received the chastisement of the Lord before exposure became necessary, the embarrassment would still be there but He will graciously restore us on His time table and not ours.
There was a statement that said, “If you expose yourself, you keep your job. If God exposes you, you lose your job.”
I find that sometimes, that may be the case depending upon the individual. Sin definitely disqualifies a person from ministry as Paul states in 1 Corinthians 9:27, but we also see that restoration is the heart of the Lord in Galatians 6:1-3.
In order for quality restoration to come to fruition, we must never set a date for a return to ministry. We may suggest. We may ask. But that power should be left up to a strong accountability team that is tough but compassionate. Offering sound Biblical counsel to get a person that was once in ministry back on his or her feet again.
Jesus restored Peter after Peter betrayed the Lord. Every Saul needs a Barnabas, son of consolation. God restores the soul according to David’s 23 Psalm. Psalm 51 is the adulterer’s Psalm.
As I have stated in a previous blog post that 400 pastors (could be more) may have used the Ashley Madison adultery site.
More than ever, the web of sexual immorality is spread out to capture many souls to get them to hell. We need to pray for our leaders and we must be ruthless about our sins before we are ruthless about the sins of others according to Matthew 7:1-5.
Let’s keep R C Sproul Jr., and others in our prayers.
R C Sproul Jr’s admission of sin is on his web page and could be read here.
In the last two blogs, a lot of doctrine came out. Now the ball is in your court.
What are you willing to do to stop the battle of constant perverted sexual thoughts in your mind?
It is very easy to point to Romans 12:1-2 and Ephesians 4:23.
We often say that we have to renew our minds but do we make the quality effort to completely allow the Holy Spirit to purge our mind? And after the purging, do we really listen to the Holy Spirit when He directs us to change what we are currently thinking? The soul is very powerful but the soul is second in the tri-part makeup of man.
Therefore, it is the born again spirit of man, by the aid of the Holy Spirit, that must reign in the thoughts of the soul, and subjugate the soul to think about the Word of God.
Subjugate is a very strong word but it is a necessary word because that’s what we have to do if we are going to be serious about battling sexual thoughts (see 1 Corinthians 9:27).
At first, it’s not easy but the more you develop submission to God and resist the devil (see James 4:7 and 1 Peter 5:8-9), over time, you will be able to quickly identify 1.) demonic attempts to generate certain sexual perverted thoughts and 2.) self generated perverted sexual thoughts.
When you are generating perverted sexual thoughts on your own, it’s because you’ve given yourself over to thinking those thoughts.
Act 6:4 is a very powerful Scripture. The apostles were challenged to serve tables and said that they wouldn’t do that. They told them to pick seven men to serve. They also said, “But we will give ourselves continually to prayer and the ministry of the Word.”
In 1 Corinthians 6:12, Paul said,
“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
You see, it is a matter of the will and what you want to have dominate your life. Anything that tells you what to do is exercising dominion over you. Just because “urges and impulses” for sex comes, it doesn’t mean that you have to yield to its control to be brought under its power.
You can give yourself to anything you want. You are in control. That’s why if you do not “Keep your heart with all diligence…” you will succumb or yield your soul (mind, emotions, intellect, personality, human will) to think perverted thoughts.
The Word of God serves to cleanse (Ephesians 4:26) and expose (Ephesians 5:11). The more you meditate on the Word of God, day and night (Joshua 1:8), the more you “prosper” and have “good success”…. over the forces of darkness.
Psalm 119:130 says,
“The entrance of Your words give light; it gives understanding to the simple (gullible).”
So when you read the Word of God. Purposefully read the Word of God, the light of His Word comes into the soul and heart of man. Then we make the quality effort to “do the Word.” (see James 1:22).
The proof that the entrance of the Word came into your heart is in the immediacy of obedience during moments that darkness is strongly using its influence to get you to make a decision to shut the light off.
Darkness cannot win until you shut the light off.
The only place where success is measured is in your willingness to quickly and promptly obey the Word at the point and moments when you are being influenced by the forces of darkness. You have to choose to walk in the light of the Word instead of intentionally choosing to ignore the Word.
Psalm 119:105 says,
“Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Lamp to my feet implies that you are closely watching every step that you take and make.
Light to your path implies that you can see what is ahead so you could plan where you intend to put your feet or to avoid pits, and other obstacles.
It also implies that you are walking in darkness and the only thing that can illuminate your path is the Word of God (see Romans 13:11-14).
Let the Word of God be the flashlight so you can see where you put your feet and also to look ahead so you can see where you are going.
Have you ever driven a car without your headlights on?
While it was safe, I wanted to see how dark it would be. Just for a split second at night, I shut off the lights and I couldn’t see a thing. It was pitch black.
Folks, it’s the same when we do not have the Word.
It is pitch black out there when we intentionally turn the light of His Word off.
“What are you doing with your moments, son?
You see, this question answered why I was so corrupt in my thinking.
Every moment, I thought about the sexual explicit forms of women. I meditated on it day and night. I woke up every morning, looking to get off. I went to bed almost every night, getting off. The saying is true. You are what you eat. You are what you meditate on. Whatever you sow, that is what you will reap. If you sow to the flesh, of the flesh you shall reap corruption.
When you sow corruption, you reap corruption.
On the other hand, I choked the Word of God out of my life. I didn’t give the Word any entrance into my own soul. I was dark, cold, and without life.
I was born again, but living a carnal life. There was no real connection to the Lord. I was living a life of hypocrisy until God was about to expose me. I don’t know what He would have done but I knew that time was running out for me.
The promise of exposure, because God never threatens, was enough for me to come clean.
You must learn to identify innocent moments that serve as subliminal attempts of the forces of darkness to get you to accept the seeds of darkness that, when watered, bloom into sexual immorality.
The newsstand, the grocery store magazine rack. The Internet, commercialized with sexually laced articles and images. Youtube. Sex laced jokes among carnal and sinful friends. Movies with bombshell seductresses every where. Soft porn at PG rated movies. Commercials with sex themes to sell their products. Store catalogues, and the women’s section of underwear in the stores.
These are all substitute porn.
In Romans 7:24, Paul said this….
“O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”
Verse 25 gives the answer….
“I thank God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
These area are all blatant and seemingly innocent attempts of the forces of darkness to get your soul to thinking these substitute porn thoughts to lure you back into sexual bondage.
All seeds need cultivation. Meditation is the mulling over of things. That’s how the Word of God is cultivated and that’s how the seeds of darkness are cultivated too.
When I came clean about my Secret Sexual Sins, I needed to confront the deep dark secrets of lust in my own heart. I took a course called Way To Purity by Mike Cleveland of Setting Captives Free.
By the way, please go to my Sexual Addiction Recovery page and that will take you to the links to help you recover from sexual addiction.
By a few courses, I figured I would give them answers in their questionnaires that showed my Scriptural knowledge to “impress” them.
All of a sudden, they shared that many of those caught in the sins of porn and masturbation have a lot of Bible knowledge and no humility to be taught.
It was a revelation of the fact that pride and arrogance resided very strongly in me.
It was a revelation of the fact that deflection was a part of my ability to keep the truth from shining inside my dark heart. It’s one thing to be responsible for the sins committed but it is another thing to relinquish the male phycological gamesmanship in the perverted soul.
Just like alcoholics that think that they could handle their liquor. Sex addicts believe that they can handle sex.
I had to relinquish my ability to impress people because that was part of my cover for Secret Sexual Sins. If I could “wow” them, they would never know what was going on in my dark heart. I needed to humble myself and disarm this thing because it would be a matter of time before these same mechanisms that held me captive would be used again to enter into relapse.
Paul said this,
“Knowledge puffs up…”
The thing about battling warfare is that when we exalt ourselves above measure in the mind, a superiority complex enters and we believe that we got sexual addiction licked. And that’s exactly what the enemy waits for. He waits to see if you are going to be very prideful about God’s deliverance in your life. And it’s just a matter of time before the temptation comes to directly challenge your freedom and liberty in the Lord.
This is a work of grace and if you forget this, that God is the one that delivered you and that it is His Word, and not yours, that did the work, you will fall every time.
So what did you learn from all of this?
Can you take what was shared and be diligent to employ the Word?
Anyone can pray, cast out devils by shouting at them, and fall when you do not take heed.
But the real warfare is when you can employ the Word when there is no one in the flesh to impress. In other words, there is no one watching you so that they could applaud your “works.”
It’s the battle of sexual thoughts and what you choose to do with them that determines the true measure of your victory or defeat in the realm of Secret Sexual Sins.
By Fred C. Rochester. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.
The mistress. The other woman. The pastor’s wife is the last person to get any help. The fallen leader gets help. My God, even the mistress gets help, but who extends any help to the wife of a fallen pastor?
It is the betrayal of a wife that many people do not hear about. The pain. The anguish. The embarrassment. The disgraceful act of a husband that tread under his foot his wife, whom he claims to love, honor, and cherish.
Every wife that’s ever been betrayed goes through the cycle of questions.
Why did he do the unthinkable? What is wrong with me? What did he see in her that is not in me? What is going to happen to me and the children (if any)? How am I going to cope with the fear of losing my husband? How did I allow this? Where are you, God? Is there any hope for me? Am I going to divorce him or forgive him and try to patch things up?
I need to be healed. He gets “ministered to” but who will come and minister to me? Who could I confide with to help me get through this pain? Do I move out or do I stay? Do I make him leave?
This is the world of a wife that is searching for answers because her world has been disheveled.
AM I TO BLAME FOR HIS INFIDELITY?
It is easy to answer this question.
Your husband’s Secret Sexual Sins and his lust is to blame.
Granted, couples have arguments and disagreements in the marriage. What couple doesn’t? To blame yourself for your husband’s inability to remain true to you is not healthy. Infidelity is predominantly a lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes sin in the heart and mind of your husband.
We’ll elaborate more on this part later, but to answer the question, you are not to blame.
WHO COULD I GO TO THAT CAN GIVE ME THE KIND OF HELP I NEED?
Many churches do not offer the kind of help that wives need. This is sad because the wife needs a strong support group to get through the moments of pain, loneliness, and betrayal. This is not just limited to pastor’s wives. This is inclusive of all the wives that may experience betrayal.
This is a church-wide issue that is increasing as the days go by. We have yet to address sexual immorality in the church on a national level because we are fearful of the repercussions and ripple affects it would have in the church.
The first thing that must happen is that the betrayed wife must find a friend to confide in. She need to share her broken heart with a person that is firm but also compassionate. It is important because her self esteem is destroyed.
BUILDING UP HER SELF ESTEEM
In the Lord and His Word is all you need to build you up. The Lord and His Word reassures you of His genuine love for you. The Lord and His Word reaffirms you as the one He loves. The Lord and His Word revives your depressed spirit and soul. The Lord and His Word knows how to restore you to a place in Him that the devil, momentarily, took you away from.
The Lord knows that you are going through a very stressful time in your life, but He is right there to see you through the darkest moment of your life.
Your husband may have betrayed you, but the Lord will “never leave you nor forsake you.” Therefore, you must commit to shed your tears and receive His love. Cry to Him and He will heal you. Raise your voice to Him, but raise your voice to praise Him for who He is.
Your God and King.
Find some saints to pray with you. Saints that you trust. No gossipers. Stay away from the trouble crowd of women that only seek to do more harm than good. They may be well intentioned but they aren’t. They do not have your best interest in mind. Your best interest is to help you get through the moments. Everyone doesn’t need to watch your heart bleed because they will just stand there and watch you bleed.
In making decisions, it is important to understand that rash decisions only exasperate the situation. Emotional stability is essential. However, in understanding that a traumatic event invaded your peace and sanctity, you want to be around family and close friends.
Additionally, you should have someone that you confide with. A close confidant should help you to make critically sound decisions that will affect your immediate and future needs.
Sometimes the emotional state of the wife can operate in an “I am justified” mode and decide to commit adultery herself. This is not healthy and it must be addressed. Sometimes, this kind of response is done out of anger in the wife.
Granted, the wife has a right to be angry, but Paul admonishes us to “be angry but do not sin.” Ephesians 4:26
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
It is very easy to be so angry that forgiveness is not even considered. The pain is there but even God is angry and in pain too. Sometimes, in the midst of our own anger, we forget how God is affected. He grieves just like we do or vice versa. We grieve like Him but He still has room in His heart to forgive once we admit our sin.
You may not be ready right now to forgive and God knows that. However, we are still obligated to forgive and let it go. Remember, in the Garden of Eden or Pleasure, the Lord was betrayed. The Lord was angry and meted out punishment. However, He appeased His holiness and subsided His anger by shedding blood and covering Adam and Eve with coats of skin.
He also set into motion the redemption of man.
Because He loved us.
Your love for your husband is never optional because God’s love is never optional. His love for us is without condition. In the same manner, we are to love unconditionally.
Your husband did the worst thing in the world to secretly betray you and to openly betray you. Yet, we will be compelled or constrained by the love of God to forgive and let it go.
You will never forget it, but you will get to the point where the Holy Spirit will lead you to let the bitterness, anger, wrath, and sadness of the initial moment go, just to forgive him. Whether you choose to be with your husband or not, forgiveness is the one expression that makes God a loving God.
Again, your anger is justified, and you may not be ready right now to forgive, but you will get to that point. When you do, the grace to forgive will be there and you will have a sense of relief that despite your pain, you pleased God.
You will never get over the moment, but by God’s grace, He will help you through the moment. It includes forgiving the mistress.
YOUR HUSBAND’S LUST PROBLEM
Very rarely will affairs have no connection to a man’s porn and self gratification issue.
No one watches porn without releasing sexual tension.
An affair is a manifestation of his fantasy. Almost every affair will be traced to his Secret Sexual Sins of porn and masturbation.
Just because an affair took place, it doesn’t mean that the Lord or His Word changed. In the blame game, sometimes God is unfairly blamed because the devil makes it appear that God was sleeping on the job. The reason why I am mentioning this is that sometimes when an adulterous affair takes place, the Person that we need to go to is the Lord and His Word.
To run from Him or to blame Him is done out of anger but God gives you the right to be angry, but you need to be angry at the person that opened the door for this to happen.
The devil and your husband.
Your husband was already walking in sin.
The scandal before the scandal is what it’s called.
If he has a wandering eye. If he watches porn and gratifies himself (masturbation), then he has a Secret Sexual Sin problem that needs attention.
His cheating heart was already searching for flesh to have. He just needed to be pushed over the edge. Not by you but by his own reasoning.
The scandal behind the scandal is level one sex addiction.
1. Thoughts and or fantasy.
2. Porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation.
3. Adultery, prostitution, and affairs.
Step three is just the manifestation of a perverted heart.
When it comes to this level of sex addition, there is always a form of secrecy. As long as you do not know about what your husband does, he will continue to push the envelope.
When he says that he would not cross a certain line, it is just a matter of time before he will.
The line to cross is from fantasy to reality. If he stopped having sex with you, chances are he is having sex with himself and then he will cross the line into adultery, prostitution and affairs. According to the Lord Jesus, if he looks at a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery in his heart (see Matthew 5:27-28).
Adultery is an affair, however, fornication may involve adultery because the husband is married and the female that he is sexually involved with may not be married.
WHAT IS MY HUSBAND REALLY SEEING WHILE WATCHING PORN?
The one thing about porn is that it is designed to destroy wives. Unbeknownst to many people, the female porn performers do not like nor do they enjoy what they do. It is a known fact that many women that do porn for the first time leave after one shoot. It is a known fact that drugs and alcohol is on the set for the women so that they can get through the sexual abuse they are about to endure.
Let alone the fear of contracting HIV/AIDS and STDs.
The men are very abusive. In most scenes, it’s border line rape.
If they do not perform certain acts, they get paid less or don’t get paid at all.
Prostitutes, porn stars, strip joints, brothels, human trafficking, and massage parlors. It is a combination that reveals a “seamless fabric” of sexual immorality embedded in churches and society. In other words, though these activities are distinguished, they are interwoven.
Porn stars will tell you that the best money is in prostitution. Porn stars work a flat rate fee on production sites for 16+ hours of sin. Your husband is watching someone’s daughter, mother, sister, cousin, aunt, grandmother, and mother in law get raped or get a death sentence of HIV/AIDS or STDs.
The reason why I am taking this time to explain is because you cannot sit there and blame yourself for your husband’s infidelity. What they see in the mistress or the women in porn is a figment of their imagination. In the world of fantasy or false sex, porn is a perverted portrayal packaged to subliminally indoctrinate males that this is what they want. It is false pretense and very deceiving to the man.
Porn is never about love. Porn is only about lust.
There will never be any satisfaction achieved because a man will never be satisfied (see Proverbs 27:20). He will never get to the carrot in the stick. His lust for that which is forbidden will only drive him to places where he assumes he will be satisfied.
True satisfaction is only found in Jesus.
Porn portrayed to your husband that you are inadequate in the bedroom and you are no longer beautiful. The devil is a liar. Porn portrays perfect women having or giving a male perfect sex. Complete male dominance and woman degradation is the perverted perception that drives men to want more and more.
A man will have thousands of images and will never be satisfied with one image. That’s why if he were to destroy just one porn film or delete one porn show, you better check again. He has millions of images stashed on DVDs, hard drives, tapes, or any electronic device capable of storing large quantities of porn.
Yes, it’s that serious.
Because of pasts scandals, we have been conditioned to accept this behavior as a normal part of church life. Far be it from the truth. We need to address this issue on a national level if we are going to defeat sexual immorality in the church.
After the dust has settled, there is some tremendous books to help you understand what you are going through. I mentioned the stuff about porn because people do not realize how much of a negative affect it has on the marriage relationship.
Unfortunately, this is what goes on every day. Sadly, many couples join in watching porn and claim that it has no effects. Sooner or later, it will. It is just a matter of time. Porn never spices up a sex relationship. It ultimately destroys it.
Also, the person you confide with should be aware that where there is an addiction to sex in a man, there may be hidden “cross addictions” in another area.
It is not unusual for wives to harbor sexual addictions too.
What am I saying?
Sometimes a wife could harbor a “get back” at him mentality. If he committed adultery, the wife may feel that she is entitled to do the same. This is not the way to handle the situation. Responding in kind only opens the door to more trouble.
Just remember, as a wife, you are still valued by the Lord. Do not blame yourself.
Don’t allow the devil to lie to you. Do not accept one lie from the devil or from man.
Do not lie to yourself.
Just remember, you are still the apple of His eye.
“Oh! He is good looking.”
“I wonder if he is married?”
“Maybe I’ll sit closer to the front so he could notice me.”
“I don’t care how good looking his wife is, I’ll get him to notice me. A nice hot, red looking, low cleavage dress is always an eye grabber.”
In churches all across the United States, women are mesmerized by slick, clean looking, handsome pastors. Mind you, that not all pastors look hot but the anointing can dress a person up.
I find that pastors do not make it easy for women either because there are plenty of “player pastors” that pervert the pulpit on the level of Hophni and Phinehas.
While everyone’s minds ought to be on God and the Word, sometimes males and females come for one reason other than the Lord and His Word.
As I was doing my studies on sexuality, I came across an intriguing story. There was a woman, a pastor’s wife, that got caught in a pastoral scandal.
Obviously, it appeared that she was disconnected from her husband. But her husband was caught in a sex scandal himself.
He gave up the pastorate and moved to another state. They found a local church to be a part of to heal their wounds. They didn’t look to become pastors. They just wanted to reconnect with the Lord and with themselves. They came across a church where the wife felt she could connect with the pastor. The pastor’s wife, for whatever reason, seems like she couldn’t reconnect with her husband.
Or the husband couldn’t reconnect with his wife.
She turned to her new single male pastor for counseling.
Predictably, the new male pastor seemingly took advantage of an emotionally charged woman.
It is possible that the disconnect put a strain on the marriage to where there was little to no sex.
Or so it seems.
As always, one thing leads to another.
From a handshake across the pastor’s desk, to sitting on the couch, sobbing on the pastor’s shoulder. From holding hands, to embracing. From an innocent peck on the cheek, to full petting. From petting, to the bedroom.
All I’m saying is that ladies, if the pastor is a man of God, he should not be using his professional ministerial capacity to get opportunistic sex from anyone. And on the other side, women should never be looking to “connect” by being counseled by male pastors alone.
There is no question that women desire to connect with men of power and are readily deceived with smooth words from a snake.
Male pastors are vulnerable too. Vulnerable in the sense that sense ruled pastors cannot pass up an opportunity to use their personality to get into an emotionally disarmed woman.
The game is simple, get into a woman’s head and you have a chance to get into her in bed. Intimacy is connection, connection is intimacy, spirit, soul, and body.
In a way, when male pastors believe that they are a woman’s “covering,” it is a door that is about to be opened into the bedroom of a “predator” or a “wanderer.”
It is very easy to assume that the woman was the victim but I am not surprised at all when a woman knowingly play an innocent role to get as “close” to the pastor as possible. It’s known that women enter the chat room and then attempt to “hook up.”
In other words, they “act out” their connection with sex.
Young single male pastors in most church will have a house full of young women. There is no question that women will outnumber the attendance of men in church.
The Lord is not pleased when you come to church prepared to lust after your pastor.
Especially if he is married.
Double especially if you already have a husband.
You need to remember your marriage vows to your spouse before you get into trouble.
Women need to control their emotions and the male pastors, single and married, need to control their hormones. They also need to employ successful strategies to avoid at all cost the hint of sexual immorality.
There is always a scandal behind the scandal. Holiness is not just something to preach about. Holiness is about pleasing the Lord on a moment by moment basis.
Never counsel women alone.
If you are married, make sure your wife is there. If at all possible, if she has the call of God on her life, let her handle the women. If not, if she is not able to counsel women, find a church mother that has spiritual experience to handle those hot honeys that come to disrupt the holy house of God.
Pastor, if you are married, esteem your wife regularly in front of your congregation. Healthy, tactful displays of affection in front of the congregation reinforces your commitment to the one woman in your life. The intent is not to make women envious or jealous. The intent is to honor and esteem your wife as the second lover of your life.
This display shows that you have no intention of leaving her. When it’s done regularly, this gives your wife all the security she needs. Other women will try to get in on this but you just give them a handshake and keep it moving. Anything more and it’s nothing but trouble.
Remember what Paul said, “Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:27.
If you cannot come to that church with God on your mind, you need to leave that church, or talk to someone that can help you put cold water on the fire raging within you.
You cannot have the hots for a pastor. IF he is single, if hasn’t approached you, you need to keep back 1000 feet. God will make things happen in your favor. If not, be patient. God will bring someone in your life that was looking for you all along.
Trust the Lord and do not doubt what He is able and willing to do just for you.