Proverbs 27:20 (NKJV)
“Hell and Destruction are never full;
So the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
Job 31:1 (NKJV)
“I have made a covenant with my eyes;
Why then should I look upon a young woman?”
Some of you will blush, and that’s natural. But if we’re really serious about keeping our holiness before the Lord, we will address our flesh issues.
Men are sight stimulated. If men are attracted to women, it’s because of his ability to search to look at someone that caught his eyes. But a man is either looking to lust or admiring beauty.
This is a very fine line because in less than a nano second, the thoughts of his mind can easily cross the line into lusting with his heart.
Matthew 5:27-30 (NKJV)
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.“
So how will a wife or girlfriend know that your husband or boyfriend is looking to lust after another woman?
Sometimes, a man will look a long time to “soak” in the view. But if you’re truthful, it takes a man less than a second to store what his eyes have seen.
There’s essentially a combination of three places that a man will look to lust.
- The eyes and hair.
- The waist and the hips.
- The cleavage, legs, crotch, and the gluteus Maximus.
I know that the blushing has started, but if you’re brutally honest with yourself, this is exactly what lust is about. But this is how a man is attracted to the beauty of another woman for the purpose of having an immoral sexual encounter.
Either he will fantasize about it, or take things to the next level and engage in adultery.
Disconnections are clear when he’s no longer sexually attracted to you. For whatever reason. But it’s about his heart relationship with God.
To commit adultery in the flesh, he must commit adultery against God.
It all boils down to what’s in the heart of man.
Matthew 15:18-20 (NKJV)
“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”
The eyes of a man is the door to his heart and mind.
Matthew 6:22-23 (NKJV)
“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!“
So the intent of the heart drives him and his eyes betrays or justifies him.
It takes a while to train yourself to watch your husband’s eyes. But the moment that you catch him, you can’t blow up in his face on the spot because it’s not wise to create a scene.
If he’s showed violent tendencies, it’s best to wait until there’s a more appropriate time to confront him.
But eventually, when you see that he’s consistently looking at women, and doing it in front of your face, there comes a point where you need to say something.
As far as porn is concerned, he will not signal to you that he’s watching porn because he’s not just watching porn and then he turns it off.
He’s masturbating while being stimulated with his eyes. He’s pretending to have sex with that image. So as a wife, if you’re wondering why there’s no intimacy, this is where he is.
But he may have taken it to another level.
He may be paying for sex with prostitutes who are involved in porn, or are high end escorts, or adult club dancers.
This is fornication, adultery, idolatry, which is covetousness (see Colossians 3:5 and Exodus 20:14 & 17).
This is grounds for divorce (see Matthew 19:9).
A husband must not give in to his desires. He must crucify his flesh. When it comes to sex with another woman, the end will always be the same. There’s no real satisfaction achieved.
But let’s return to the heart and mind.
Ephesians 2:1-3 (NKJV)
“And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience,
among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.“
James 1:14-15 (NKJV)
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.“
So what’s a wife to do?
If you choose to confront him, you need to understand that this is a man’s high place. He may have claimed to be saved, claim to love God and His Word, but his flesh isn’t crucified. The husband will fight to keep this stronghold.
Sex is a very powerful tool. When immorality sets in, the dopamine that is secreted into the blood stream feels good and to suddenly go at him when he’s unrepentant, it will be a very volatile moment.
You must be prepared for the fact that he will be in complete denial because it’s just like when the light comes on, or taking a toy away from a child. The man will do everything in his power never to surrender.
And that’s where the Word and prayer must be your place of combating the forces of the will of man and demons. It’s difficult to do prayer and the Word because you’re emotionally distraught. You’re completely devastated. An act of deception and betrayal took place and your world fell apart.
But you can’t remain hurt. It can’t go on forever. There comes a point where something has to be done.
And this is where God incrementally bring things into his life to break him.
When God breaks a man, either he will submit to the chastisement of the Lord, falling on the stone, or be grounded into powder.
Matthew 21:44 (NKJV)
“And whoever falls on this stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder.”
God know just what will break a man, but also, it’s known for man to ignore that God is using every means necessary to save him. Because we must remember. His soul is at stake.
Yes, your marriage is at stake too, but should he remain unrepentant, his soul will be lost.
Hopefully, he will turn from his wicked ways and return to the Lord with a repentant heart, and eventually take serious steps to repair his relationship with you.