When Porn Enters The Marriage Bedroom

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It’s no longer a surprise that porn is in the bedroom.

In fact, mostly, it’s in the bedroom before the marriage.

Many wives are wondering if their husbands will ever break this thing, however, a man cannot break porn and masturbation by himself. It takes the power of God and a willingness to do without it.

Before we engage in this topic, we see that single parenting is a major issue because of the times we are living in.

It is getting rarer these days to marry a virgin.

Back in the day, if you say that you were a virgin, you were laughed at, ridiculed, and scorned.

Sex was a right of passage for teens but little did we know the repercussions.

Approximately 5% to 7% of African Americans in the 1950’s and 1960’s were single parents.

The shame of having a child out of wedlock reverberated in the neighborhood. Families were the bedrock of African American society. Partly because the majority of them attended church. However, I will say that just because you attend a church service doesn’t mean that you were automatically saved. However, we see that living according to the Word of God was more important.

We also see that in those days, there was the element of the world. Jazz clubs and other worldly influences did affect families. It wasn’t as neat as we think back in the day.

In the progressive liberalism and moderate conservativeness 21st Century, it is estimated that 72% of African American children live in a single parent home.

It is clear that the sexual activity has exponentially increased over the last 6 decades.

Therefore, it is safe to say that a great portion of males and females will enter into their marriage sexually active.

While there is much to blame as far as the external temptations around, it appears that the church is the least consulted place because of the Bible’s prohibition on free for all sex.

Women suffer the most because sexually active men have more than one partner. They have themselves when they masturbate, but when they want a body, like male lions, they seek their “pride.”

Pride, in the sense that they have multiple females to choose from that is willing to give up the sexual use of their bodies for free. On the other hand, it’s the same with females. They look for willing males that will give up the use of their bodies, money, and other trinkets that go with having sex for free.

There is a small contingent of women that look for male companionship without marriage because of careers, jobs, and other issues.

However, for the female virgin that saves themselves for their husband, it is safe to say that they may encounter a sexually experienced, active male. The sexually active male brings into the bedroom several women because according to 1 Corinthians 6:16 “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”

So depending on his sexual habits, he is bringing many women into the marriage bed.

However, there is another thing that has to be considered.

Since the Lord declared that “sight adultery” is no different than physical adultery,”  the male must dump them all for the one he selected to marry. It’s the same with the woman. She too must do a soul dump of all her sexual partners if she was sexually active.

How is that done?

That’s done by the power of God and the male or the female that was sexually active renounce all soul ties, connections, and associations. Never to return to them again or to make new ones in the future.

This sight adultery is also the pornography that a man or woman watched.

When they act out sexually while watching porn, they are joining themselves to that image.

There are times that a man will want to have sex. During that time of sex with his wife, he takes his wife to where he was. He attempts to engage in sexual positions observed in porn films.

During a counseling session, a woman said that when she was having sex with her husband, she felt dirty. There is no question in my mind that what he was doing was pretending to have sex with that image on the screen in his mind. The things in his heart and mind were transferred into the marriage bedroom, and the spirit of that porn invaded their bedroom.

When the wife is forced into performing like a porn star, she will feel what that woman felt on the porn set. Like a dirty piece of flesh. Should she comply with her husband’s perverted wishes, she will be expected to do that and worse. That’s why when you hear about wives shooting their husbands or mutilated their husbands, it’s not far fetched that she wanted to stop feeling like a piece of meat.

She probably communicated to her husband that she didn’t want to be treated this way and he blew his top. Men get frustrated very easy when they can’t have sex a certain way. So they, in disgust and frustration find a willing prostitute or adulteress to get what he wants. That’s because in his mind, he has burned in his consciousness that what he sees another man experience was enjoyable, and he desires to enjoy sex in that way.

Wives should not have to put up with a man’s childish request. If the wife is uncomfortable with what the husband requests, then he need to back off.

And if you think that is something, there was an incident not too long ago when a woman either shot or stabbed her husband because of bad sex.”

He got his orgasm but she didn’t.

I know that this is blunt but this what goes on.

She was so mad that she killed him or she shot him and he lived, I can’t remember.

It is necessary for the pastor to get as much information about sexuality so that he or she could engage the prospectus couple in real conversations regarding their sexuality. It is safe to say that the prospectus bridegroom may have observed porn and masturbated. He may not have had sex with other women, but he is sexually active with himself.

A wife must be prepared for the fact that he will have engaged in self sex and may not be satisfied sexually.

As a child of God, we are to be like Jesus. Conformed into His image according to Romans 8:29. If Jesus never masturbated, neither should we. We must remember that we have the fruit of the Spirit called “self control.”

The same self control that Jesus employed when He walked the earth. If we cannot control ourselves sexually, then we may not have the fruit of the Spirit called self control working in us on the level of the Lord Jesus. Jesus sympathizes with us because He was tempted in “all points” (see Hebrews 4:12-16).

For the wife that may be a virgin and may have never engaged in masturbation, her husband’s masturbation habit will frustrate her. While the world will say that this is normal sexual activity for men, it isn’t. Masturbation is a selfish act that men engage in for extracurricular sex. For the most part, mental adultery takes place to further stimulate the man.

When a man engages in masturbation, as Pastor Roger Jamison of Sword of the Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn NY said that masturbation is the beginning stages of homosexuality. Also that masturbation is one of the ways in which man loves himself and affirms himself. However, the bottom line of all masturbation is “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.”

So ladies, when you are about to tie the knot, just remember that your husband may have issues that must be resolved. And ladies, it’s not going to take one session. When it comes to male sexuality, it takes a while for a man to feel safe to open up about his secrecy. As long as his image is concealed, he can play the game until he is exposed, or he exposes it himself.

Additionally, women that engage in masturbation fall prey to the same issues. In the world of women, concealment of stuff is no different. In her “nip and tuck” world, she want to project an image that is flawless. Shame affects us all but for a woman, shame affects her persona. What others think of her does have an affect. However, when it comes to sin, the shame of sin affects us all regardless of the secret. Regardless of what we do to mask the shame.

What matters in a relationship is honesty and integrity. Marriages that survive and abound are the ones where there is brutal honesty between two persons, seeking to make the best marriage that could stand the tests, trials, and troubles that will come.