There are unmistakable signs that your husband is watching porn.
Over the life of a relationship, you will have seen some things and behaviors that you’ve ignored or sup[pressed.
But now these signs have noticeably intensified.
It’s not necessarily in a specified order.
Sign number 1 – Secrets
Psalm 90:8 says “You have set our iniquities before You, Our secret sins in the light of Your countenance.”
The Amplified Bible of this verse says “Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.”
A man must keep a secret when he is discreetly watching porn.
Because it is part of the game and it is embarrassing to him.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Whether it is physical adultery or sight adultery, the shame is the same.
For some reason, you’ve suspected something and you begin to inquire. The answers that he gives to you is defensive and evasive.
Immediately, he shifts the subject to avoid further questioning, or he is infuriated that you caught him. The questioning is an inquisition or an intense exhaustive investigation. To get the answer, a woman will put the pressure on her husband until she gets a satisfactory answer.
For men, sex is like a sport or a game. The seduction and being seduced is a game. The objectification of a woman is also part of the game. He is thinking in his mind how he would have sex with her.
To fulfill this false fantasy, he often masturbates unless he takes it to another level.
Prostitutes or having a short or long term adultery.
Sign Number 2 – No sex with the wife.
It’s been a few days and he hasn’t touched you.
There is only one Scripture in the Bible that permits husbands and wives to abstain from sex for a season.
1 Corinthians 7:5 says “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self- control.”
So far, you know that your husband is not in deep prayer and fasting, so what’s up?
It’s very common for illness or injuries to take place, but you’ve noticed that he is healthy as an ox. So what’s the deal?
It’s possible that he may be exhausted from the day’s work. Or is he exhausted from masturbation?
ED or erectile dysfunction is common among men that are between the ages of 45 and 60 which requires medicinal intervention or he may need to lose a few pounds and exercise.
Sign number 3 – Watching other women.
Every now and then, you catch him looking a long time at other women. You’ve ignored it because you did not want to confront him for peace’ sake. However, there is a difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper. Peacemakers are blessed according to Jesus. Peacekeepers are armed to keep both parties apart by force, if necessary.
Proverbs 27:20 says “Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”
One by one, your husbands keeps looking at other women. Sometimes he even opens his mouth to tell you about how well they dress and look. But he never gave you a compliment.
The shows that he watches on TV, Cable, Internet, or Satellite. They are overly sexy with sex scenes. You go to the movies or sports arenas with him and his eyes go to searching for female flesh to lust after.
When your husband watch sports on TV, he watches the “sexy commercials” or the half time show on Super Bowl Sunday to check out the cheerleaders, female dancers, and singing artists that heavily seduce men.
You make nothing of it, but that’s what he lives for.
Deliberate straying eyes is a dead give away.
Should you confront him, he will be defensive. He will behave for a moment and then resume. The periphery of the eyes is equally damaging to the mind of a man.
He will do anything to get a look. Like using the reflection of the window to lustfully look at a woman. The mirrors in department stores. The magazine section in the grocery stores and at the checkout counter.
The morning and evening news shows and weather women, scantily clad, dressed for the night life.
All of these things are serious signals that he is engaged in some objectification of women.
Finally Sign number 4 – Your husband ignores you.
When a man is sexually distracted with hundreds of sexual images in his mind, he is not going to pay attention to you.
You can’t have a decent conversation with him because he is having a conversation in his mind with hundreds of women that he filed sexually in his soul. You press him to talk to you and he clams up, avoids you, and goes to another part of the house or apartment to get away from you. He locks the door so you would not interrupt his porn and masturbation.
This may go on for weeks or months.
Some wives will confront this issue and others will be passive.
If your husband is a follower of Jesus, he is already convicted, but he has learned how to suppress this conviction to continue in sin. For the wife that is a believer, she must ask the Lord for wisdom. It’s already a volatile situation. He is already on edge. In fact, for the child of God, you are already on edge yourself. You have questions in your mind as to whether you are to blame for your husband’s porn issue.
The home environment may have contributed to his delving into porn, but if you dig deeper, this issue took place in his youth. As a male, he has crossed lines he intended to cross a long time ago. It just so happens that in the marriage, he decided to open the cork and let it all spill out.
He never sought the Lord for guidance, wisdom, and help. Perhaps, his pastor never addressed the issue to help him.
With all of these and other scenarios, what matters now is what are you to do now?
What is a wife to do?
Pray, pray, pray.
Paul said in Romans 8:26 “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”
When you do not know what to pray for as you ought to know, this is where the Holy Spirit comes in to give you the assistance you need to get the job of getting your husband’s deliverance done.
When it comes to the sins of man, the Lord is never caught off guard.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.”
Many wives do not know how to pray or what to pray. This is where you need to find a few women that know how to pray along these lines.
James 5:16 says “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.“
Find faithful women that you could trust and confide in. Gather with them to study the Word of God to find solutions from God’s perspective.
Also there is tremendous material and books on how to deal with your husband’s porn addiction habits.
Millions of women are looking for quick solutions to this debilitating issue. However, you should settle in for the long haul. The devil is going to fight you tooth and nail. The husband will listen to the devil quicker than to God. Porn addiction is no different than drug and alcohol addiction. And these addictions are interconnected. Be prepared to see the worst before the resolution manifests. But know that God is not intimidated by the worst.
You must remember that sexual immorality is the devil’s top stronghold in the world.
“The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life is not of the Father but is of the world….”
Usually when the worst manifests, it’s an indication that it’s about to be resolved. Then again, sometimes the worst happens and the man is swept away in the flood of Secret and Overt Sexual Sins. But one thing is certain. God hears and answers prayer no matter how deeply involved your husband is in porn.
Deliverance is just a prayer and an answer from God away.
When confronting your husband, ask him to see the pastor or someone that has experience in this area. Sadly, there are very few pastors that are well versed in handing porn and masturbation addiction. However, the Lord is not going to leave you or forsake you. The Lord will steer you to the right resources and the right kind of help to get you through this crisis.
But for now, pay attention to these signs. Never give up. The devil lost when he attempted to attack God in heaven. What makes us think that the devil will win in this battle? Never let the devil get into your mind that you are going to lose your husband to pornography and masturbation.
Your marriage can be restored.
It’s a stronghold, but it is not stronger than our God.
Stronghold’s purpose is to prevent the inhabitants from being destroyed. But God knows where the weak spots in the stronghold are. NO demonic stronghold is impenetrable.
Do not wait to confront your husband. Do not wait to get help.
The longer you wait to confront this issue, the more enhanced the stronghold becomes. However, just because a stronghold gets stronger, it is never stronger than our God.