We see that the ongoing saga of undisciplined pastors and undisciplined church women is not just a problem in the church.
It is in a free fall.
In the Book “Betrayal Of Trust,” there are two kinds of sexually perverse preachers.
Predators or wanderers.
A predator seeks women as prey and wanderers “explore” another woman and then resume their marriage.
When a pastoral scandal hits, the focus of attention is placed on the preacher who betrayed his wife for another woman either in church or outside the church.
One of the most powerful books written about pastoral scandals came from Dr. Betty Price, the wife of Dr. Fred Price, called “A Warning To Ministers, Wives and Their Mistresses.”
I’ve read the book and it carries weight in uncovering some of the things that happen that are preventable. From a preacher’s standpoint, we can see that a lot of things can happen in the dynamics of church life that could set the table for an adulterous relationship to take place.
For the preacher first, here are some of the dynamics.
The preacher has lust in his heart.
It doesn’t matter what trigger mechanisms (bad day at the job, good day at the job (seeking reward), arguments with the wife, etc.), or his emotional state. Lust is always at the core. Lust is always the root of all adulterous affairs. There is no wiggle room, nor excuses. Where the Lord should have been enthroned, He was dethroned by and for lust in a man’s heart.
Betrayal of a wife happens as the end result of a preacher who betrayed his Lord first.
Betrayal of the Lord must take place before lust can assume the throne of a man’s heart. Man must seek sin when he stops seeking the Lord. It doesn’t have to be this way.
It doesn’t take long for a pastor to cross lines that he claims that he would never cross. As a thing that I’ve learned when I was involved in the sin of porn and masturbation, there is always a line to cross. The moment that you begin to say that you wouldn’t cross that line, is the moment that you’ve crossed it.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t think about it.
Just in level one sex addiction (1. thoughts, 2. fantasies, 3. porn, 4. masturbation, 5. adulterous affairs-fornication-homosexuality, 6. prostitution), there are lines crossed just in this list alone.
You will note that I numbered the progression in order.
Notice what the Lord Jesus said in Matthew 15:19.
“For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”
Now notice what the Lord said in Matthew 5:27-30.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”
Now notice what the Lord said in Matthew 6:22-23.
“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”
If you are a good Bible student in comprehending this, you could readily see that everything originates from the heart.
Jeremiah 17:9 says….
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?”
So now go back to Matthew 15:19 and Jesus said,
“For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts…”
The Amplified says it this way…
“For out of the heart come evil thoughts (reasonings and disputings and designs) such as…”
So when you look at the condition of the heart that is un-regenerated, nothing but evil thoughts like “…adulteries, fornications…” will come forth.
Then the Lord talks about a man looking at a woman with a lustful intent in Matthew 5:26-30. So from the condition of the heart, we now see the heart communicating to the mind to look lustfully at a woman or man.
When is lustful intent established? When a man looks sexually at the body parts. Usually he starts with face, hair, then cleavage, hips, legs, then the backside.
Too much truth, but you know that’s what happens. No such thing as too much truth any way because truth is truth.
The mind registers this information within seconds and because he is “Wired For Intimacy,” (get the book from Dr. William Struthers), he falls into the easiest trap of sexual sins.
The sin of lust aroused him sexually and to let off sexual tension, he must repent and gain control of himself, turn on porn as fuel for his lust to masturbate off of, or because he filed her flesh in the lust section of his mind, he masturbates off of that, or release sexual tension through adultery, or fornication.
But the Lord didn’t stop there. He places the eyes and hands as the next step of progression. For a man, it is not enough to just look. He must progress to touch, otherwise, in his or her mind, he or she feels cheated, and unfulfilled. That’s why with level one sex addiction (and not everyone is a sex addict), the thoughts turns into fantasy. The fantasy is fueled by looking (eyes), and then the hands engage in satisfaction.
In most cases, self satisfaction or for other men, outright engaging the opposite or same sex for sex comes into play.
Let’s go back to the eyes for a moment.
What a man or woman sees determines the light or darkness of the heart. This works well with James 1:14-15.
I must point out that the enemy does bring the temptation, however, once the man or woman has trained the senses to fulfill sin, the enticement becomes an integrated part of a habit, cycle, or pattern to fulfill sin.
With little to no thought at all, you do what you do on automatic pilot. There are some people that will sin and not mind the varying steps to fulfill sin, so long as one is fulfilled.
So in James 1:14-15, this is what happens….
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full- grown, brings forth death.”
So if your heart is already dark, either because of lust lurking in the heart or because you failed to resist the temptation to look with the intent of lust, you proceed down the path to acquire satisfaction. The mind also enters into a depraved indifference state of mind where you desire to achieve satisfaction regardless of how you hurt others, including the Lord.
Sin is simply selfish individual needs. We become so self centered that we do not care who gets hurt in the process, from start to finish.
So with women that bedded a preacher, this attitude captured in Proverbs 30:20 is fitting.
“This is the way of an adulterous woman:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
And says, “I have done no wickedness.”
There is no question that there are women that come to church to sexually connect with the preacher but what happens afterwards? She will do everything to stay with him.
With Deitrick Haddon committing the sin of adultery and divorced his wife (accused of adultery with Issac Carre), while we will never know everything that went on to facilitate the sin, one thing is certain.
God is not pleased.
Now just because, allegedly, your wife had an adulterous affair, it doesn’t mean that you turn around and have an adulterous affair as pay back. We all know that if this is the case, it was done in response to her adulterous affair. Very childish because according to the Lord Jesus, your divorce is permitted (see Matthew 5:31-32). The emotional trauma of being betrayed is described in Proverbs 6:32-35.
“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.
For jealousy is a husband’s fury;
Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
He will accept no recompense,
Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts.”
But for the woman that Detrick Haddon committed adultery with, she is without excuse. If Detrick used his personality to have sex with her and she failed to resist, she is just as guilty. Like all women, they want a man and they want to marry. Some believe that the only way that will happen is when you give them what they want and give them a child.
What should have happened is that if a pastor uses his personality to attempt to obtain sex, your job as a woman that knows God is to resist. If he is involved with a divorce from his wife that committed adultery on him, she must wait until the divorce is final.
Then, and only then could she be pursued to be married first.
She willingly agreed to sin with him and she is culpable.
Many will say that you are beating a dead horse.
Perhaps, but you can learn a lot from what led to the killing of a dead horse.
Remember, David’s sin was placed in the Bible. It can be read over and over again so we can learn not to do what David did. As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 10, they were written for our examples. So all you folk out there that want to try to sweep this under the rug and tell others not to judge, back it up and learn from this.
Besides, read Matthew 7:2-5 before you risk isolating a text (Matthew 7:1) to keep the heat off your sins.
Bedding preachers opens the door for other brothers in and out of ministry to allow the things of this world infiltrate into the church. It gives other brothers and sisters in the Lord to do the same thing with seemingly impunity. We must understand that perversion is of the devil.
We tend to forget that the Lord was hurt by this and we treat God like He doesn’t get hurt by what we do against His will. When will we get a revelation of the fact that God is hurt by what we deliberately do? We tell God to get over it, “I am human.”
Then why did He send His Son Jesus to die for us? It means nothing to us when we treat God the way we do. Dogs get better treatment.
I want to use this as the backdrop simply because this is played out across the American church landscape. The woman that willfully committed adultery is culpable. While it is a problem in the church, what is gained?
First comes false love, then come the baby carriage, here comes momma in no marriage.
Is this the way to do business before the Lord? Absolutely not.
According to Paul’s teaching on the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23, we have the self discipline of Jesus called “temperance or self control.”
According to Paul’s teaching in Romans 8:9….
“But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.”
So if we have the Spirit of Christ in us, we have the self control of Jesus within us.
So let’s change the atmosphere of the church from a club to……….His church.
Chaste, holy, without blemish. Righteous, and clean.
We can control ourselves. Otherwise, we defame the name of the One we claim to have as Lord and the real lord of our lives (the devil) is truly our real lord.