Extramarital Affair; The Patraeus Sex Scandal

There is a serious use of coded language. Extramarital.

However, the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) deems adultery as an offense unbecoming of those in the military.

In particular, for officers.

With all the news about the former CIA Director, retired General Patraeus, I just want to zero in on the power of urges and impulses.

To get to the bottom of this, from a man’s perspective, the lusts of the flesh is what drives men and women to engage in adultery. From the world’s perspective and even from church leaders (your’s truly included), there is always a line to cross.

When you are involved in the lusts of the flesh, you will always cross that line that you said you would never cross.

It’s just a matter of time if repentance from all Secret Sexual Sins does not take place.

Hidden in the lives of men is the world of fantasy that eventually turns into reality. That’s why porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, is always at the foundation of male sexual immorality. Sooner or later, the “pretend sex” shifts to real sex with another person of the opposite or same sex. This is not to say that there is factual evidence that the former Director has sexual addiction issues.

As I was doing my studies on Healthy Sexuality, I came across an article from the military in 2009 that soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan regularly viewed porn and masturbated to relieve the tension associated with the battlefield. Over in the Arab world, and I never served on the ground in theater while I was in service prior to Gulf War 1 and 2, the red light district is there but you had to be very careful.

I am not suggesting that the former General may have had a sexual rendezvous with his biographer. But it is conceivable and possible that means and methods made available by high ranking military men can set a time and place of their choosing to set up booty call anywhere in the world.

For the average soldier to engage in prostitution and other forms of “hooking up” with the opposite sex, is very tricky because of the customs and other difficulties to gain access to women in the Middle East. Couple that with restrictions imposed by senior commanders so as not to offend the host nations that may interfere with alliance issues and the difficulties for sex, fornication, and adultery are immense. Now, I may be wrong about this because I am not familiar with these areas. But based on the General’s access, we see that he may have had no problem if he wanted to cross the line. But when you have an American woman, other than your wife in theater, there is no problem.

Also, at anytime, Generals could set up a place to rendezvous with their wives well out of the theater of operations.

Now here is the problem. It was after Patraeus became CIA Director when the adultery occurred.

I’m attempting to address two issues because they are looking to see if the former Director had an affair prior to his retirement while he was in command. The lady in question had exclusive, unfettered access, so anything is possible.

If so, could the former General be charged under the UCMJ?

The jury is out on this, so stay tuned.

But the underlying issue of “urges and impulses” always reveal the drive behind all sexual encounters.

While we will never know if there was a porn/masturbation problem with the former Director, we know that if you are having issues at home, adultery swirls in the atmosphere. If you are not having problems at home but one thing leads to another, it’s because the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life is driving a man’s urges and impulses.

Being back home from the battlefield really helps because you are at home with your wife.

But the former Director, for whatever reason, decided to cross the line.

While at home.

Proverbs 6:32 says…..

“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding (lacks a heart of moral character). He who does so destroys his own soul.”

The former Director from courage, spoke volumes of truth of his own lack of judgment. But he didn’t call it adultery. He called it an “extramarital affair.”

Extra sex outside of marriage is commonly and Biblically called adultery.

There’s always two sides to every story. Two married persons decided to cheat on their spouses.

But look at the Bible. Through the Word of God, we see men and women committing adultery, fornication, and homosexuality (Sodom and Gomorrah).

The woman that met Jesus at Jacob’s well was an adulteress (see John 4). She had five husbands, and was committing adultery with a sixth man, and Jesus revealed her heart. But Jesus didn’t condemn her. He pointed her to the true worship of God to point her towards true intimacy with God.

Sexual immorality never satisfies. It is the water that men and women will thirst for again and again. But the water that Jesus gives will satisfy forever. Thirsty souls that engage in adultery, fornication, bisexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism are seeking only one thing.

True, lasting intimacy with the living God.

Sexual orgasm is nothing compared to fellowshipping with the living God. When you are looking for pleasure in the natural, the soul and flesh is never satisfied. The woman at Jacob’s well had six men. The mind and flesh is like a horse that sees the carrot on the stick and never gets a bite of it. As a result, the horse continues to trot because it lives in expectations unfulfilled.

When it comes to adultery, women look for connections. This may or may not be true for this situation, but perhaps, if they are married, their husbands and wives are underachievers in life and sexually inadequate in the bedroom. She doesn’t feel connected for whatever reason. Perhaps, her husband cheated and she turns the table on him. But a man in uniform comes along. Very successful. Very powerful. Very strong in leadership. She gravitates towards a powerful man, towards what her husband may never be. One thing leads to another and they are off to the bedroom races. For the man in uniform, perhaps, the lust in his heart completely overshadows his marriage vows. Her youthful looks and conversations with either his prize or his prey, starts the juices flowing.

Like the book of Proverbs says, “Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks. Till an arrow struck his liver, as a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it would cost him his life.”

For the woman caught in adultery, perhaps, we will never know if she would use the same words of the former Director, that his lack of judgment brought about an unnecessary situation.

Notice Proverbs 30:20….

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”

I am not saying that this is the expressed attitude of the woman that committed adultery with Patraeus, but predominantly, the world does not consider adultery a big deal. It happens all the time.

Does the church, which is full of adulterers, fornicators, bisexuals, and homosexuals have a right to say anything at all in its hypocrisy? Just because there are such people in church leadership (pastors, bishops, priests, and other leaders) that commit the same sins as the world does, it doesn’t mean that the standard of the Word of God has failed and is no longer applicable for today.

Hebrews 13:4 says…..

“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (unsoiled), but adulterers and fornicators God will judge.”

1 Corinthians 6:9 says….

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators (Greek word, pornos)…nor adulterers….will inherit the kingdom of God.”

But thanks be to God it doesn’t end there. God is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and full of grace and compassion.

The Lord Jesus knows how to deliver people from their destructive lives and bring peace in the middle of the storm.

While we do not know what the outcome will be with the former Director’s marriage, the breach in the relationship has caused much damage.

But the best place to start is to repent of sin and establish a relationship with the Lord Jesus.

Unless the spiritual breach is repaired, perhaps, their marriage may be repaired but it will all be for nothing if the Lord Jesus is not in the relationship.

It is true but few in between that repairing marriages for couples not in Christ can and will take place. It is just as bad for couples in Christ because of the hardness of hearts.

An irreconcilable difference is a difference that couples choose not to reconcile.

Adultery is a clear betrayal of trust but the Lord has a way to reestablish trust.

There is much painstaking work to be done, but it begins with the couple that must be willing to take the necessary steps together to find common ground to rebuild the broken relationship.

For some, it’s too tough a hill to climb and walking away in divorce is their unfortunate conclusion to achieve closure.

It takes courage, faith, patience, time, effort, and a willingness to reestablish the bond. Something that cannot be rushed. Mrs. Patraeus deserves time and patience. It is the most devastating thing that could happen to a wife. And she must have the time and space to deal with her husband’s despicable act of adultery.

We trust that they will be able to reconcile.

For the woman caught in adultery, while folk want to drag her into the mud, she is entitled to the grace of God just like everyone else. A serious breach took place and she needs the Lord as well. Many will condemn her but who are we to do so? The only thing that we can do is point out the sin but also point her to the Savior. Just like the woman at Jacob’s well, she need a drink of living water.

Repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, righteousness, and holiness.

All these things are achievable in Christ.