“What are you doing with your moments, son?”
What you do with the time you spend determines what you are bound to or free from. The Lord asked me this question when I first came out of Secret Sexual Sins because my flesh demanded to know “what are we going to do now that you have stopped?“
We are going to serve God in righteousness and true holiness.
November of 2008 was the last time that I watched porn and masturbated to porn but masturbation remained in me until December 3, 2009 with a few relapses afterwards.
Without going through a complete story (because I want to share with you what finally worked to kill and deprive porn and masturbation), masturbation, for me, was the most difficult habit to break because over the years, you develop a oneness or connectedness to a sinful habit.
Here’s the reasons.
1. Lusts of the flesh and mind.
James 1:14-15 says….
“But each man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death.”
1 John 2:15-17 says….
“Do not love the world or the things in the world, If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world- the lusts of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he that does the will of God abides forever.”
All things has a source. Sin always has a source. From within us abides the nature of the devil, if we are not born again.
If we are born again, we haven’t learned to deaden and deprive sin’s power by strict obedience to the Word of God. No other worldly psychological or physiological explanation is plausible, excusable, or is to take the ascendancy over the Word of God regarding God’s perfect explanation as to why man commits sin.
Sinning is a choice of the human will. At anytime you can stop.
If you are driving a car and you see a red light or a stop sign, you stop. Right?
When you are crossing the street and you see a car coming, you stop. Right?
When you are full of food, you stop eating. Right?
You’ve just proved that you can stop.
It’s the same with sin.
You can stop.
God condemned sin in the flesh of Jesus according to Romans 8:3 to spiritually deprive its power to overcome man. Through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, when we obey the Word of God, we deprive sin’s ability to overcome us (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). So now, it’s a matter of obedience to the Word of God for those that are in Christ.
For the unsaved, it’s a matter of obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ to repent and turn from sin, and be born again through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Therefore, according to 2 Corinthians 5:17, I am a “new creature in Christ.”
New creatures do not do old tricks.
2. Chemical Dependency
I was operating as my own personal pharmaceutical, looking to heal myself of soulish wounds inflicted by many people over the course of time. Self sex was a form of medicinal properties, that when I needed to love me or feel that I am loved, to excite me, to release sexual tension, I physically and soulishly “shot up.”
Self sex became my way of being my own physician instead of relying totally upon God and His Word. It also became a way to express self love to me when I falsely believed that no one loved me. And in some ways or not, I thought that God didn’t even care, but deep down I knew that He did. I just didn’t trust Him to do what He said He would do for ME in His Word.
Sometimes you get so wounded that lies become truth and we know that all lies from the devil will never have an ounce of truth in them.
There are four chemicals that are connected to sex in men (of course there are others but we will stick to these basic chemicals).
Adrenaline, testosterone, vasopressin, dopamine.
Adrenaline and testosterone revs up the physical engines, vasopressin maintains blood flow to the penis to maintain an erection, and the final chemical, “dopamine,” is the pleasure or reward chemical. I was told by an EMT that vasopressin could make a rock get hard. It’s used to jumpstart the heart with heart attack patients. When climax by ejaculation takes places (coming), also known as the “point of no return,” dopamine is excreted into the blood stream and rapidly gives the brain what I call the “Ooooo’s and Ahhhhhh’s” of sex. The pleasure of pleasures.
3. Trigger Mechanisms
The episodes of life, when they happen, can trigger a man to retreat to places of isolation, separation, seclusion, independence, disconnections, and secrecy.
Proverbs 18:1 NKJ says…
“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.”
Anger, bitterness, rejections, frustrations, disappointments, disillusionments, soul pain, mental anguish, monetary troubles, employment troubles, bad relationships, strained relationships, and the list goes on and on.
I’ve identified some of these in my own life and found that when these things happen, I want to feel good…quickly. So self sex became the way to deal with these “trigger mechanisms.”
When the Word of God is not permitted to manage our emotions, the enemy knows how to use these mechanisms to get us to mismanage our soul and bodies.
So with these things in mind, the Lord pinpointed somethings that I was doing that kept the door to self sex open. The question that you read at the beginning of this blog is critical to any man’s deliverance.
If you are not paying attention to your life on a moment by moment basis, you are not going to be successful.
Remember what Proverbs 4:23 says,
“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs or flows the issues of life.”
Sex was constantly on my mind. And the objectification of the opposite sex was my infatuation and obsession. But in reality, all of this were temple ornaments or trinkets.
I was really worshipping my ability to get off.
I was worshipping the temple.
In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Paul said this….
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have of God, and you are not your own?
When a man is not worshipping God, he will worship himself and self sex was my way of worshipping me. It’s crazy and it even doesn’t make sense, but look at what Paul said in 2 Timothy 3:2-3, partial quotes….
“For men will be lovers of themselves…without self control…lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God…”
Here’s another witness in terms of a different group of people Paul was ministering to.
Romans 1:22-23 from the New Living Translation, Paul says….
“Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshipping the glorious, ever living God, they worshipped idols made to look like mere people, or birds, and animals, and snakes.”
The most detestable idol ever made was the Asherah.
According to 2 Chronicles 15:16, Asa made reforms and removed his own mother from being queen mother because “she had made an obscene image…”
Nothing is left to the imagination here.
According to Adam Clarke’s Commentary, we find these words based on the various translations and ancient commentaries. Please note the Rabbinical commentary of Solomon Jarchi.
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
“Besides, he removed Maacha, his mother from her kingdom, because she had made a high tree into an idol.” ARABIC
“Also he removed Maacha, his mother, from the kingdom, because she had made a horrible statue; and our rabbis say that it was called miphletseth (a fright or terror), because maphli leytsanutha, it produced wonderful ridicule; for she made it ad instal membri virilis, and she used it daily.” AUTHOR- RABBI SOLOMON JARCHI
Another definition from another source implies that it was licentious in nature. Licentious meaning, “lacking moral discipline; especially sexually unrestrained.”
The idol in question was part of sexual rituals because many commentaries insinuate or give to understand the fact that this idol was worshipped with “impure rites.”
In another commentary, many Asherah poles were “phallic” symbols.
Phallic, meaning erect penis.
Meaning that gross sexual immorality took place in the high places of the land of Canaan. The very people that Israel was supposed to completely annihilate so that their detestable sinful habits would not contaminate the children of Israel.
And you wonder where sex toys came from?
Remember, the Canaanites were descendants of Ham. Black folk. It doesn’t mean that sexual immorality started with Black folk because you have to go back to Genesis chapter six to understand that perverseness was found in every man until the floods of Noah.
If the stretch of the imagination is to be reached, she carved a tree into a terribly obscene sex toy. Should I be wrong, and I hope I am, then, this was a waste of brain power. But if this is true, just imagine the disgusted visage of God.
There is nothing more impure or obscene than sexual immorality. Nothing.
Men are stimulated by sight and is aroused to touch what he observes. Mind sex, also called lust and adultery, is just teasing the brain, and when there is no control, “provision” is made to release sexual tension.
And when a man is touched sexually, arousal takes place. With porn, it’s all fantasy. You are pretending to have sex with an image that is not there. But you begin to touch yourself sexually to make up the for the lack of another person touching you.
As a side note, married men masturbate more than singles. Most married men thought that since they are married, they could have all the sex they want and never have the need to masturbate.
Married men want more sex. And when the wife is not at home,or she is not willing to give her hubby man some sex, or they had a fight or argument, or something bad happened to him on the job, or any where. Or when he feels he’s done a good job and wants to reward himself, he turns to the physical pleasures of all pleasures.
When he desires sex, he will do everything in his power to get it. And he may have a very pleasurable, rewarding sex life with his wife but does some extracurricular sex via masturbation to keep himself “happy.”
And he may even develop excuses like…
1. My wife is tired, mad, angry, away with mother in law, sick.
2. Masturbation keeps me from committing adultery (Matthew 5:27-30).
Sex was designed by the Lord to fulfill the “one flesh” principle in Genesis 2:24. Masturbation violates that principle because sex was designed to be shared with your wife of the genuine opposite sex (transgender is another subject).
This is sexual addiction level one.
Remember, you are only addicted when you cannot control, stop, or manage sex. Even if you can control and manage self sex, or when and how many times you masturbate, if you cannot stop, you are bound.
Jesus said, “He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.”
To be free from something means you have no desire or intent to return to the place of bondage. Paul said, “For he who has died has been freed from sin.”
Have you ever seen a prisoner, in the natural, complete his time of incarceration and return through the door he came out of? We know that after a while, he or she commits another crime and returns to serve time for the new crime, but we are talking about a person that committed a crime, did the time, walks out of the prison, and returns in a few seconds.
The same principle applies.
If you are free, you have no desire to return to the prison cell.
So the Lord asked me a question…
“What are you doing with your moments, son?”
The porn was very easy to stop but it is not easy to stop porn in the mind. After viewing thousands and thousands of sexual episodes, it makes it difficult to press the stop button.
Remember 1 Thessalonians 5:23?
Spirit, Soul, Body?
Two out of three is eternal.
The spirit and the soul of man.
Because of Adam’s transgression, the body is subject to die physically. But remember, Adam died spiritually first (see Romans 5:12). He was disconnected from God and his mind became a storage facility of perversion.