You’re standing there and you know she gave you a quick glance. Then another one gives you eye contact. You are not seeing things. Too often, we think that it’s just the men that have this lust problem. Women do too. Only women look for companionship, love, acceptance, and connection. While women do think about sex, it is true that they think about sex less often than men. But there is no question that women love sex and romance.
And you know I’m preaching right.
However, when it comes to women, the majority of them are a little more discrete. The peripheral or quick glance. For the most part, most women do not have that intent but when it comes to going “out on the town,” they are in passive hunt mode.
What about passive hunting in church?
The play ground may be different, but sometimes the objective is the same.
Then there are the ones that will let you know that they are looking.
It’s the law of attraction but it is also the law of sin and death.
It is true that the church is a place where many women go. In fact, it is certain that men will be outnumbered in every church you attend. I must admit, that the majority of women that do go to church, go for the right reason. They are more aware of the presence of the Lord and honor God and His Word. However, every now and then, some of them slip up just like the men do.
Ladies, you are to be just as disciplined with your eyes.
Remember Potiphar’s wife?
It appears that she had an eye for Joseph.
In Genesis 39 and verse 6, the latter portion, the Word says,
“Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance.”
The word “form” is the Hebrew word “to’ar,” and it means “shape, form, outline, figure, appearance.”
The man was built.
It appears that Potiphar’s wife was neglected, for whatever reason. Leads me to believe that she was “burning.”
We all know that singles burn more than married women but here, when you see a married woman desiring sex from another man, sometimes, it’s because of sexual neglect. It is known that when married women feel that they need more sex to feel connected, to cross the line to engage in extra-marital affairs to satisfy those needs, may be an indication of an imbalance in the person.
This may be a form of sexual addiction to fulfill connection needs. As warped as it may seem, some women will offer their bodies to have that need met. In other words, exchange one (her body) for the other (connection).
In comes someone that looks younger and better than her husband.
Verse 7 says,
“And it came to pass after these things that his master’s wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, “ Lie with me.”
In desperation, she doesn’t wait for Joseph to make any move. No play from Joseph. The first move came from Potiphar’s wife.
Unusual, but not unusual.
It’s the same in some churches. There are some women that will make the first move on a married pastor. Sadly, there are some married pastors that will yield the first time someone gives an offer.
Notice what the New English Translation says,
“Now Joseph was well built and good-looking. Soon after these things, his masters wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Have sex with me.”
Joseph had the right idea and didn’t want to disrespect Potiphar.
She was persistent because every day, she pestered Joseph.
It leads me to believe, and I could be wrong, that she was sexually neglected by her husband. This is the case in many churches. For whatever reason, there are married women that are neglected by their husbands at home and they look to connect with the “mand of Gawd.”
This is not everywhere, happening with everybody.
Let’s be clear.
However, it does happen.
To deny that this doesn’t happen is not being truthful about a growing problem of Secret Sexual Sins in the church.
1 in 6 women watch porn. 1 in 3 women will act out. In other words, they will shift from the chat room to the bedroom to connect with these men.
I am reminded of a story of a woman that went on the Internet while her husband went to sleep. She engaged with this man in the chat room. She finally agreed to meet with this man in Texas. She flew down there and they got a hotel room, and had sex. Prior to this rendezvous, she was seeing a sex therapist. After the sex, she was beaten into a coma. Her husband put out a missing person report. When she came to, she called her therapist and said that she now admits to having problem.
I don’t know about you, but this is a worse case situation that could have ended up much worse.
Then it dawned on me. It appears that there was no connection with the husband and wife and she may have found someone in the chat room that “understood” her. Perhaps the man listened and gave the kind of caring, loving, and understanding responses that she didn’t get from her husband and the stranger was rewarded with the use of her body.
Is this making any kind of sense? No! It doesn’t make sense.
As I was watching a show, there was a lady that was married. She and her husband were unable to have a child and she hasn’t had an orgasm with her husband during the process. Somehow, this woman met another married man that was disgruntled in his relationship with his wife. They met each to her and entered an adulterous relationship. On the first night she was able to have an orgasm. Don’t concentrate so much on the sex and orgasm. What she really wanted was for a man to understand her and he provided that for her. As a result she was able to release all of the tension, including sexual tension once she felt that she was understood.
Sometimes when a husband fails to understand his wife, the woman will shut down completely until she is clear in her mind that she is understood.
It’s probably the same with Potiphar’s wife. She may have had sex with her husband but she wasn’t understood as a person. When Joseph came on the scene, a couple of things could have taken place if the adultery took place.
Disrespect the husband by having another man to get her husband to be jealous so that she could final get him to understand her. Lust in the heart to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
It doesn’t matter if a man of God is married or not. If she is intent on stealing a married man or try to get “noticed” by a single pastor, it is a clear recipe for disaster.
Ladies, you have no business attempting to steal a married man, pastor or not.
You do not have to be a home wrecker.
That same man that yielded to you in the bedroom, it could happen to you according to Galatians 6:7-8. Another woman could come and steal him away from your heart, no matter what you offered.
The sin of adultery is not a game. It is for keeps. The devil will use your loneliness, bitterness, emotional imbalance, and other issues to destroy you and bring shame to you.
For the most part, women are a little more disciplined than men because they do not want the shame and stigma that goes with being a home wrecker.
But just in case, here is four recommended things that you might want to consider doing to maintain sexual purity in your walk before the Lord.
1. Submit and Resist
The only safety you have is the Word of God and strict obedience.
James 4:7 says,
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
The Amplified Bible says,
“So be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you.”
We all know that it is tough out there for women. The competition is very, very steep. Single women are victimized daily. Males are not stepping up to the plate and committing to relationship and marriage. That’s why in some places, there is some form of desperation, and male pastors take advantage of the emotion state of women.
While this is a whole new ballgame, single males make it very difficult for single women.
Males are not preparing themselves for marriage. They are ready for the bedroom but they are not ready for the relationship. That’s why women need to just shut it down and not give a man sex. They have to be forced into realizing that the currency of sex is relationship.
That means males have to learn how to properly relate with the opposite sex. Males have to learn how to treat women with love, affection, romance, and respect. At the same time, women need not lead a man on by offering body parts. You do not have to walk into church and look like the menu of KFC.
Seduction drives a man to do crazy things. Seduction will draw his attention but after the window dressing and he has his way with you in bed, what is there left? No relationship.
They way you dress and act may be the wrong signal and message you are sending.
Don’t get me wrong. There are some women that do dress provocatively and you know it. However, a woman could be wearing something discreet and men will still perceive it as provocative. So the blame is not to be placed squarely in the women, and rightfully so.
2. Draw Wisdom From Seasoned Elderly Ladies
You need to sit and talk, not with a male pastor, but with a seasoned elder lady. There are many seasoned elderly ladies to talk to about life issues. It is important to maintain charity in the hour we are living in.
Sometimes, there is more to issues than just sex and love. While these things is important because that’s life in marriage, there may be other interconnected issues that need to be brought out. Perhaps there is a reason why your husband isn’t responding to you. There may be some things that you may be doing that may be actual reasons why you are experiencing disconnection with your husband.
3. Keep You Mind Holy
It’s the same with men. Dr. Archibald Hart, author of The Sexual Man once said that if you could preoccupy the mind for 15 minutes on other topics other than sex, you could disengage sexual thoughts. Meditating on the Word according to Joshua 1:8 is the key.
Find something to do other than the chat room. Get up and go outside for a walk. Go shopping. Go for a drive. Disengage your lonely feelings and get into the presence of the Lord. Fast, pray, find a partner to talk about the Word of God.
Do everything that you can to disengage sexual thoughts by keeping your mind stayed on Him (see Isaiah 26:3-4).
4. Stay Away From Disgruntled Women
There are a lot of women that is bitter against married women. It is important to point this out because there is more anger and frustration against married women than ever before. To sit around and simmer about what married women have is only making the situation worse.
This further brings the forces of darkness against you to keep you from your man. Besides, the Lord honors faith, not foolishness. The one thing that you do not need to do is keep the bitterness of the devil alive in your heart and mind. When the Hannah’s of the church show up, they will go to the place of prayer and voice their request to the Lord and God will respond. He will remember. As long as you sit around with bitterness and sit with other women that are equally as bitter as you, you are building a stronghold for the devil to keep the blessing of the Lord out of your life.
Freedom comes when you walk away from that group and seek the face of the Lord in faith. God will always honor His Word and not your bitterness.
Some will say, “But pastor, you don’t know!” Yes I do, to a certain extent.
I got married in 1982 while I was in the Navy. Later that year, a 6 month MED-IO (Mediterranean/Indian Ocean) cruise was coming up where I had to be detached from my wife for 6 months. My wife was telling me of the things she had to do to keep her mind off of sex until I got home.
I may not understand it from a man’s perspective, but when my wife told me her side, I understand that the struggle is extremely intense.
Looking to connect with another man in adultery is not the answer.
And for God’s sake, stop lusting after your married or single pastor. He will not help you but harm you in the bedroom.
Like most married people, there is always something to struggle about but you do not have to walk in the flesh and jeopardize the work of the Lord just to have sex. The church already has a bad reputation. We need not further damage the church, your life, and the wife of a pastor.
Lust or desiring for that which is forbidden is only a trait of the devil.
As a child of the Most High God, and as a woman, you were created by God to be His habitation.
Please listen to our groundbreaking series, Secret Sexual Sins by clicking this link