Pastoral Sex Scandals; Understanding The Failure To Resist Adulterous Booty Call

On FB (Facebook), by way of the news, a pastor’s wife attacked her husband’s mistress in church during a Sunday communion service. The year isn’t out and another sex scandal is making the news. There is a predictable pattern that follows every situation. Some variations are different but the end is the same.

The destruction of a marriage and the destruction of a viable ministry.

For this church, 40 years of ministry down the tubes.

H. B. London, a noted pastor of pastors, paraphrasing, once said, “The devil will wait for you to destroy your ministry. If you turned the devil down before, he will wait for you.”

Pastor Roger Jamison said to me paraphrasing, “After you’ve overcome the devil in the area of sexual immorality, the devils assigned to you are doing “roadwork” for the next bout. You’ve stopped him the last time. Can you do it again? The champion usually feels that his title is secure but loses his hunger to do solid road work on the level of a contender. The contender is hungry because he wants to win. So the contender is doing more pushup. More sit-ups. More road work. All in an effort to take from you your crown. Are you just as hungry to keep the title?”

Pastor, if you are not prepared to fight for your life to be victorious in battle in the plains of Moab (The Mother of All Battles called sexual immorality), it is just a matter of time before you will succumb to the urges and impulses of the flesh and mind, and destroy it all.

Sadly, this will not be the last sex scandal. Sadly, many pastors and vulnerable women will not take heed to the Word of God. Burning in lust, their desires take them from the pinnacles of power to the dog house of destruction.

Many young preachers and older ones are not looking to destroy what the Lord is doing but somewhere along the line, they lose it for the pleasure.

Booty call becomes the expedient pattern for desperate pastors and their mistresses. As I have said before, the scandal before the scandal is always in play. The affair is only a manifestation of something that happened long ago that wasn’t uncovered.

When 50% of pastors report a problem with porn in their lives, the other secret is masturbation.

No man watches porn and never masturbates or act out sexually.

Until we address this predictable pattern, more scandals will manifest without understanding the root cause of Secret Sexual Sins

But because of unbridled lust in the mind and flesh of the pastor, it is just a matter of time before he will destroy everything the Lord built.

In this particular church, after reading their “church history,” they were experiencing meaningful church growth.

Numerical growth.

But when you begin to look at the kind of positive affect you are having, you will think that you are responsible for your own success, and you become vulnerable to pride and arrogance.

While it is not the intention of God, it makes me thank God that we are a small church. In a way, it is like the Lord is saving some of us from the destructive forces that have taken down the mighty in record pace.

Whenever God is moving, it is the devil’s job to stop it. That’s what “adversary” means.

There are predator pastors in the pulpit that is unable to remain disciplined according to Job 31:1, Proverb 27:20, and Matthew 5:28. The other side of the isle is the passive predatory skills of a seductive sexually immoral woman.

Too often, the women are victimized by a predatory pastor that take advantage of emotionally vulnerable women. There is no question about the personality predatory skills of a pastor. Smooth talking pastors will use Scripture to justify his evil desires and gullible women will fall for it every time.

In their flesh and mind, the women will look at a preacher and be obsessed as they look at what was before them. They are mesmerized by his oratory skills. They begin to formulate ways to get close. Pastors do the same. They get mesmerized by a woman and will do everything to get close.

After reading Dr. Betty Price’s book, “A Warning To Ministers, Their Wives, And Mistresses,” I begin to assess why women fall for these smooth talking sinful preachers. But I also took stock of the kinds of immoral women that are in the church. Too often, the women is victimized as the one that was taken advantaged of.

There is no question about this.

The victimization of women is too numeral to ignore.

However, it is equally important to point out that women do not have to go to bed with these evil passioned pastors. It is the fault of the preacher and the woman, unless it is rape.

The mistresses are passive hunters.

IF she willfully gets in bed with a pastor, she is equally culpable.

Then it is more devastating when a child is produced out of adultery.

The end result is always devastating.

God loses a man of God. The wife loses her husband (in most cases). The church loses a pastor. The mistress is labeled a whore and receives the brunt for breaking up a family and a church. If the mistress is carrying his love child, she hides for the rest of her life, never to be seen again except in court for child support. Left alone to raise a “mistake.” The children, if any, are confused about marriage. Some of the pastor’s children are even confused about gender and sexual orientation. Some will not get married for fear of revisiting the same damaging episodes observed at home.

Then again, some will get married and follow the same patterns if they are not caught in time.

We all know that there is a difference between consensual sex and rape.

In Dr. Betty Price’s interview, she pointed out that some of these women are demonic plants. In other words, they are knowingly on assignment to take down a pastor and his church.

I agree.

When God is using a man of God in a powerful way. Souls are being saved. People are experiencing the presence of the Lord. People are being helped to grow in Christ. These activities invite a visitation of lustful spirits.

The pattern is simple.

There is Biblical precedence.

Go to Numbers 25 and you will see that according to the Lord Jesus, in Revelation 2:14, the doctrine of Balaam is clear.

Because Balaam, the double agent prophet was unable to get God to curse Israel, he found a way to defeat Israel before they stepped one foot onto the battlefield.

The mistresses are passive hunters. All they need to do is show up. If they get into visual range of the pastor, they have him. If the pastor doesn’t have discipline, solid Biblical principles that he lives by, and a very satisfying marriage, both in and outside the bedroom, his heart will be taken.

As strong as Brad Pitt looks on the screen, a seductress took him away at his most vulnerable point.

IF she willfully gets in bed with a pastor, she is equally culpable.


Numbers 19, Purity.

Numbers 20, Leadership Error/Prohibition of Passage/Change Of Leadership.

Numbers 21, Supernatural Utter Defeat of Israel’s Enemy.

Numbers 22-24, The Balaam and Balak Show.

Numbers 25, The Moabite Mistresses.

The pastors follow the same pattern.

The pastors get pure before God. At some point early in their ministry, the pastors do get into trouble with the Lord and become disobedient. The pastors repent and get it right before God. The pastors experience phenomenal moves of the Spirit of God such as church growth, church building projects, and other miraculous events.

Then they lose it when they enter the plains of Moab.

Moab is the acronym for Mother Of All Battles.

Sexual immorality is the Mother of All Battles.

There are two kinds of mistresses that come to church.

1. Demonic plants.

2. Connection Seekers.

Jezebels are not mistresses per se`, because they are in a class by themselves. They sacrifice the sexual use of their bodies to get access to a pastor’s weak heart to exploit her power in the church.

There is only one objective of a Jezebel.

Ruling the church he pastors.

It’s very rare that they succeed. Most churches are too through and leave a compromised pastor for other places. Whatever power these Jezebels thought they would wield is gone before they could set up shop.


For the mistress, some are planted by the devil. They are on assignment because they believe that their sexuality is power over a man. They are able to make a man do almost anything. They believe that they are irresistible.

With this irresistibility, they gain access to a male pastor and the rest is history. Eventually, that church is destroyed and the sheep are scattered.

Demonic plants use their sexuality and femininity to get a pastor to misappropriate church funds, take them on lavish trips, sleep in hotels, and spend enormous amounts of money on expensive dinners and gifts, in an evil way, they are manipulating the pastor’s heart.

For a very few that operate as a demonic plant, it is their way of getting back at the way men may have treated them in the past. To exercise this kind of power, serves a purpose. And that is to help her develop self esteem and confidence that she may not have had if she were to pursue a normal relationship.


Then there are the mistresses that are vulnerable. Their emotional state is taken advantaged of where she lays down all rules to fight against any relationships with a married man of God. What matters is that her “needs” are met.

Even at the expense of his wife, some mistresses believe that the pastor they are involved sexually with will eventually divorce their wives, leave his family, and start a family with the mistresses. Sadly, wayward pastors think that it will get better. Only to find out down the road that they were wrong.

Mistresses know that what they are doing is wrong and against the Word of God but they are unable to resist the snake’s charm and are bitten.

For the mistress that only seeks to have connection needs fulfilled, it’s John chapter 4 all over again. They never take into consideration what the wife of the pastor is feeling. Mistresses never take into consideration that their “new” sex mate would eventually cheat on them. Especially after a great series of sex romps. He’s through with her and is looking for new conquests. Or chances are, he’s still watching other women, porn, and gratifying himself.

These conquests of his may even lead to bisexuality.

Galatians 6:7-8 and Hebrews 13:4 has never failed.


The mistresses’ need for connection, sexual release, and to have what married women are allowed to enjoy is determined to enjoy it WITHOUT BEING MARRIED.

The sex is all they want but deep down, they are looking for relationship as well. Men confide in strong women. However, he will run into a vulnerable woman that is strong willed or strong headed, and they are headed towards trouble.

Why does a married pastor want to get out of his marriage?

Sometimes things come to a head at home. They choose not to reconcile a difference or differences. All differences are reconcilable. People choose to act like immature little kids and not mutually compromise and sensibly negotiate for the mutual success of the relationship.

But before they do, the origin of all Secret Sexual Sins is sin. 1 John 2:15-17 is the base or foundation for all Secret Sexual Sins.

It’s the same with mistresses. 1 John 2:15-17 applies across the board. Secondly, the pastor is a married man. He is spoken for. There is no reason to be a home-wrecker but sadly, mistresses feel justified.

Sin will never be justified. Jesus died for our sins so that we would be freed from sin. Not to return to sin again. Otherwise, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus means nothing.

Other mistresses become the “other woman” because of the vulnerable state of the pastor’s wife. They look for places where the pastor is vulnerable. They watch their wives to see if the wife is too passive to put up a fight. Usually, the wife had had enough of fighting at home with the husband but the pastor’s wife will fight for her marriage.

But when it comes to cheating and the pastor has had sexual intercourse, STDs are in play and the wife must exercise extreme caution because her life is at stake.

When porn and self gratification is a common occurrence with pastors, there is no question that doors are open. He will have already entertained thoughts of crossing the line into prostitutions and affairs. Self sex gets old and the thought of acting out sexually as a level one sex addict gets even more intriguing.

It’s not long before he is ready to move from fantasy to reality.

Then comes the mistress. Not all mistresses are plants. Some of them are looking for love and companionship. The attention from a man of God is too much to pass up. These mistresses know that it is wrong but to pass up having her “needs” met is sometimes too tempting to pass up.

The mistress does consider the fact that he is a married man but that soon dissipates after the smooth talker wins her confidence to sin.

What is the remedy?

All marriages must have a strong bond. It begins with an honest assessment of their own marriage by having people ask them the tough questions about the true state of their marriages. Then they must be willing to work together to fix the weak areas while keeping their strong areas strong.

Pastors must put aside every weight and the sin that does easily beset them. Including putting aside the mistress called “too busy with ministry.”

More families suffer from neglect of the “pastor/husband/father” at home and the wife, and children needlessly suffer for it. In some cases, the wife is vulnerable and will seek attention elsewhere, cross lines, and commit adultery herself. She will seek it on FB or the secret chat rooms that may lead from the chat room to the bedroom in a hotel.

Pastors must have a good relationship with the Lord through prayer, the personal Word of the Lord or a strong obedience to the Word for their own life, and strong accountability partners that hold his feet to the fire in strong confrontational, but measurable accountability in a loving, non condemning manner.

He must have careful principles as well as strong guards (male) around him that will not pull any punches when a moment of vulnerability is observed. He must be quick to implement the safeguards in order for him to keep his job.

Servant of the Most High God.

Wives must never assume that the husband is spiritually strong enough to withstand the immoral woman. It doesn’t take much for a man to be smitten. The wife must also look to protect herself. The smooth talking man could come at any moment and sweep her off her feet. She too, the pastor’s wife, is vulnerable to be a victim.

The story about “The Preacher’s Wife” with Denzel Washington and Whitney Houston, is just as real for pastor’s wives. If the home is not secure, yes, an “angel” will come and almost cross the line. Not that a real angel would cross the line but a smooth talking preacher will be like an angel and the rest may be history.

For more on this, go to for our ground breaking series called Secret Sexual Sins.

Pastoral Sex Scandals; How To Avoid Them

Sex scandals. You know that another one is going to happen. It’s just a matter of when. Truth be told, there are too many undisciplined pastors, sexual predator pastors, immoral women, and Jezebels for another scandal not to happen. One too many is a stain that disturbs the integrity of the purpose of the local church.

Male pastors that fall into these sexual traps do so because of several things. I find that the root cause of all sex scandals is determined by what the pastor is or is not doing in four basic areas.

Number one, his relationship with God in his secret life (prayer & the Word).

Number two, his relationship with his wife.

Number three, his relationship with his peers.

Number four, his relationship with his congregants.

Number one: Relationship with God…

Quality time before God will help to keep most pastors from sexual scandals.

Most pastors have daily devotion. The quality of a pastor’s devotion is in his brokenness before God. When you are too busy to pray and read the Word for you and not for sermons, you are headed for disaster.

Acts 6:4 says, “…but we will give ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the Word.”

Devoting your life to God requires that you pay attention to the quality of your relationship with God. Is God your friend or is He just God? Having said that, Secret Sexual Sins always creep up when a pastor is not serious about his personal relationship with the Lord. A pastor may know how to pray. A pastor may be a master at articulating and formulating words that sound so spiritual but do they come from the heart.

A pastor’s quality prayer life reveals the depth of his relational intimacy with God. Prayer is the vehicle by which we breath in the presence of the Lord. Prayer, when done correctly, serves as a reminded that we are in the presence, the holy presence of the Lord. Prayer keeps our heart right and in tune with God. Prayer keeps our heart sensitive to the Lord.

Psalm 27:8 says, “The Lord said to me, ‘Seek My face.’ My heart said to Him, ‘Your face, Lord, will I seek.”

This is the kind of praying that communes with God. Pastor Roger Jamison, a mighty man of prayer, calls it, “fellowshipping with the mysteries” (see Ephesians 3:8-11). Mystery in Ephesians has something to do with, according to Strong’s Greek/Hebrew Definitions “the idea of silence imposed by initiation into religious rites.”

So what the Lord is saying is that if you really want to know secrets, fellowship with the Lord in the secret place. The Lord satisfies all our longings inside of us, including the longing to be intimate. True intimacy is when you no longer look to the flesh to find satisfaction as a horse chases after a carrot on a stick. God will satisfy every desire. Every need. Every longing in your heart. Provided you seek Him in the secret place on your face, seeking His grace to avoid disgrace.

You can put your hat on it. Secret Sexual Sins is the scandal behind the scandal. What is going on in a pastor’s private sexual life is the reason for all uncovered sex scandals.

Porn and masturbation is at the top of the list and the root cause of all sexual scandals.

Number two, his relationship with his wife.

Quality time with your wife will help to keep most pastors from sexual scandals.

Many pastors do not know or desire to properly relate with their wives. The pastor that fails to honor and esteem his wife but honors and esteems other women is a recipe for disaster. Most male pastors treat their wives with contempt, disrespect, and like dirt. Most male pastors treat a female congregant better than their wives.

The sinful secret life of a pastor is the root cause. When porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation is heavily in the life of a pastor, he will relationally and sexually distance himself from his wife. The wife will do everything in her power to save her marriage, however, when the husband’s heart is out of sync with God, ultimately, it spills over into his relationship with his wife.

When a man of God knows how to “perform” his ministerial duties like a robot on command, when it is time to stop performing, the real person shows up. He acts the part in front of the church, but lurking inside is the evil venom that porn produces.

Porn is perfect sex, with perfect submissive women, to give man perfect pleasures.


In a pastor’s delusional world, he will compare every woman against his wife. And when he is done, he will only have contempt, anger, and bitterness towards his wife. When Sister Suzy Cue comes, he is completely mesmerized and under her spell.

To prevent sexual scandals, a pastor must maintain his relationship with his wife no matter how “perfect” other women come. He must also regain “sexual sobriety” by prayer, the Word, and personal accountability partners that provide unavoidable, inescapable measurable accountability standards. He must also have a good relationship with his wife, including sex. Sexual sobriety is the ability to experience sex in healthy ways. This includes being able to do without sex or masturbation for sexual sobriety to be achieved.

He must honor and esteem his wife in front of the congregation at all times. It must be truthful and balanced. It must not be one sided. All husbands could say that the relationship is good but the congregation need to hear from the wife as the counter balance.

Pastor Roger Jamison said this to me and it is true. If you want to find out about the truth of all scandals, the majority of the time, all you have to do is look to the wife.

Number three, his relationship with his peers.

Quality time with your peers in transparent accountability will help to keep most pastors from sexual scandals.

This is the most difficult part. Male pastors love to protect their image. They want to appear smart, good looking, and “anointed.” Any blemish and they feel inferior or less than a man. When sexual stuff is discussed, it’s the taboo subject among men of God. When porn and masturbation is discussed, forget it. They will not show up to discuss it.


The secrecy.

If it could be kept a secret, and if nobody knows, then I can keep my secret activities going. All uncovered sex scandals is just a revelation of an ongoing sex scandal that took place, perhaps years ago. The first porn magazine or movie combined with masturbation. The first sexual encounter with a woman outside of marriage.

Molestation or incest or sibling sexual encounters. These activities have bound many men of God from pouring their sexual lives out because of the shame associated with it.

Granted, safe places must be established where the boundaries are established and where prayer, the Word, help, righteous judgment confrontation, and healing is ministered in a non condemning, compassionate way according to Romans 8:1-2, Galatians 6:1-2 and James 5:16.

If you don’t feel safe you will continue to escape.

Number four, his relationship with his congregants.

When a pastor betrays his trust, it is because they have crossed the line from helping people to helping themselves to sexually take advantage of an emotionally vulnerable female congregant.
On the other hand, there are boundaries that women do cross to set themselves up to connect with an “anointed” married or not, man of God.
In both instances, both are at fault. A pastor must maintain his professional distance to preserve the integrity of the office he claims to have received from the Lord. A pastor’s wife said that she didn’t mind if and when her husband complimented the beauty and dress of another congregant.
I beg to differ.
Traps are set all the time. Even in the most subtle ways.
Everything may not be a trap but why leave it to chance?
You would be surprise how long something could be meditated upon. Words of complement goes a long way in a woman’s world. So there must be caution at all times.
Sadly, women that do not experience compliments, let alone connections with men will attempt to connect with a man of God. The spiritual aura observed by woman upon a man of God is sometimes too much of an allure to resist. For some strange reason, the anointing is perceived as power and the man has to have something to make himself look attractive.
For a pastor to cross the line and compliment a woman, it makes her beam. It is called “The Law of Attraction.” Then it turns into a Fatal Attraction. When you are attracted sexually to a man of God, it is best that you find another church. It’s even better if you get help as well as search for another local church.
When a man of God fails to operate in complete integrity towards any member of his congregation, it is tailor made that a scandal can happen. To keep things on the professional level is difficult for pastors because he wants to be accessible to all of God’s people.
However, such accessibility must have restrictions because not everyone comes to church for the right reasons.
LADIES: Find your own husband if you are married. Single women, keep your distance from a married man of God. Trouble could be avoided when you maintain your distance.
PASTORS: Never counsel women by yourself. It is an invitation for sexual scandals. Should it become necessary to counsel a woman, refer them to your wife, if she is capable to minster to them. Refer her to an elderly woman in your church that has prayer and the wisdom of God on her life to impart wisdom to the younger ones. Or she must be counseled with your wife present.
No excuses or exemptions.
Look for the subtle traps they set. Leaving personal items in the pastor’s study. Leaving hotel or apartment or house keys at the church. Long personal conversations. Exchanging telephone or cell phone numbers. Doing personal favors. Riding with the pastor alone.
All of these are traps designed to set you up for failure.
When an attempt of a Jezebel spirit came before our church, my wife and I set the church on a prayer watch. It worked. When you have a prayer group, predominantly women intercessory prayer group that knows what to look for in the church, it is just a matter of time before the wool on a wolf causes the wolf to experience heat exhaustion.
PASTOR’S WIVES: Never assume innocence. Sadly, there was a time where innocent things appear to be just that. These days, that’s how covert sexually immoral activities start. It’s not that you are to be suspect of every person that comes to your husband, however, the devil is crafty and subtle. If your husband is smitten by a woman, he will not see it coming because his memory banks is filing everything about her.
It is your job to “remind” him to be careful.
When he doesn’t want to listen, you have to be very persuasive. If necessary, use tactful ways to let the women know that your husband is your husband. Serving notice on other suspecting women will help keep your husband safe.

You do not have to trip on folks. What you are doing is preventing disaster to your marriage and your church.

The devil does send “plants” called the immoral woman (I call them Moabite women) and he also sends the Jezebel. The immoral woman just want male companionship to fulfill relational connection needs. Jezebels will exchange their body for power. As long as Jezebel gives Ahab the use of her body, Jezebel expects to run the kingdom.
You can have a sexually scandal free church provided you implement these and other safeguards.
If you want to keep your relationship with God, your life, your wife, your family, and your ministry, avoid the very appearance of evil and stay on the alert.
For more on this groundbreaking subject, please go to for our Secret Sexual Sins series.

Virginity Lost Is For Married Lovers

Losing your virginity.

Most people do not mind losing it because it’s the thing to do, these days. The crown achievement of males and females. Giving away that which is prized the most in life. There is a godly way of losing your virginity. And there is the world’s way of losing it. There are many things you must consider before you do.

What is the cost?

The cost is more than one thinks they are willing to pay.

Many young people including many young Christians make the promise never to have sex until they are married but issues and peer pressure convinces them to engage in sex.

Please listen to Secret Sexual Sins on regarding sexual immorality in the Christian church.

The purest way to lose your virginity is the way Adam and Eve lost it. The Lord heard Adam’s desire for a mate and the Lord said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” The Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam.

It would be Adam’s last night alone. Don’t get mad ladies but it would be his last moment of any rest. Adam slept good for the rest of men.

God probably said to Himself that Adam is going to need all the sleep he needs for what He was about to give him. Mind you, Eve wasn’t trouble until after she talked to the devil through the serpent.

Before the fall, there is no doubt that Adam and Eve had sex. We do not have any written proof that they engaged in sex until after the fall. After the fall, it seemed that they had learned each other enough to know exactly how to act out sexually with each other.

The Bible tells us that the death of Adam occurred at age 930, but there is no record of when Eve died. No mention. Eve’s name is only mentioned 4 times in the Bible. Twice in the OT, and twice in the NT. That troubled me because afterwards, in most cases, we see the deaths of other significant wives recorded. Some good. Some bad.

Again, there is no doubt that Adam had sex with Eve before the fall.

Eve, the mother of all living, and Adam, a man of color, because his name means “ruddy.” According to Brown-Driver-Brigg’s Hebrew lexicon (definition of words), Adam also means “red.”

We are not talking about the blood of Adam. That’s because it is common knowledge that when blood is exposed to the outward elements, it turns red. The name Adam is in reference to his skin color. However, Adam would have the entire human spectrum within him and Eve would give birth.

Acts 17:26 says, “And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth…”

When Eve was taken out of man, Adam said that “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.”

Flesh of my flesh referred to Adam’s physical human features with only one exception. She is feminine. Therefore, God placed within man a natural desire for the opposite sex the moment Adam laid his eyes on Eve.

Eve was made as a man with a womb. Woman is the Hebrew word, “Ishshah.” According to Brown-Driver-Brigg’s Lexicon, the word “woman” is defined as, “a woman (opposite of a man).”

There is masculinity and there is femininity.

The only thing that God took out of Adam was a bone. Out of that bone, God created a completely unique human being that is able to satisfy everyone of Adam’s desires. The physical features of the opposite sex is what makes attraction so powerful.

Man’s inquisitiveness and woman’s mysteriousness, makes the pursuit of interaction a very rewarding experience. Provided that each knows how to treat each other correctly. In the Garden, seduction wouldn’t be necessary. In the Garden before the fall, there is no shame. Sexuality is in bounds. Eve’s influence would be enough to get Adam to engage. Which is exactly the way God intended. Adam was to work the Garden but he knew that afterwards, there would be a time to get to know his wife.

When the Lord brought her to the man, it gives us the indication that the Lord took the rib from Adam and went a distance to create her. I believe that after the Lord closed up Adam, the sleep would be delayed long enough that by the time God finished His second masterpiece, Adam would wake up.

Let’s go to the perversion of the world. When a man desires to look lustfully at beauty, it doesn’t take long to illicitly find women as sexual objects. With the lusts of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the imaginations running rampant in perverted men, we see that the original intent of looking for a mate of the opposite sex became perverted and depraved.

Before perversion, Adam took one look and was completely smitten. Recently, I took some pictures that my wife had taken. Looking at her reminded me of what happened when Adam looked at Eve for the very first time.

Let me tell you, my wife is hot.

I call her sexy hot!

Yeah, you better believe I have a picture of her on my iPhone and iPad. And no, they are not pictures that you would find in the salacious section. These pictures were normal pictures. However, in these regular pictures, I could see her radiant beauty that reminds me every time why I married her.

No matter what women are out there, she is the only one.

We lost our virginity legitimately and we were not ashamed.

During my time in foolishness; porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, I lost sight of my wife. She was there but when it comes to selfishness, you are completely inundated with the beauty of other women. They literally stole my heart.

Men are such men.

In that when it comes to beauty, it is not about what is past their eyes, or what is going on with women as a person. It’s about what you desire to do to them in bed.

Notice that I said, “It’s about what you desire to do TO THEM in bed.”

With my wife, you can never do to her what you would do with other women. And when you attempt to do so, the time of intimacy is just another sex act that makes your wife feel dirty. When it comes to losing your virginity, chances are, the boy has seen a few porn movies and will abuse you or do something that he seen done on a porn movie.

When we were married almost 30 years ago (from 2011 to 1982), she was 21 and I was 20. Both of us never had anyone else sexually. We had dated others before, but we saved ourselves for each other. In the sense of virginity, it is the ability to refrain from every form of sexual experiences until the contractural obligation was solemnized.

Of course, we kissed. Of course, we really got close to the edge but we recognized where the edge was and cooled off before our out of control, evil passion brought us to the place of shame. Yes, we were born again believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, but we promised each other and our parents that we would ever cross that line. It was important that we follow the ritual of Biblical Christian tradition to keep our love for the Lord above anything else. We desired to please God and keep our conscience cleared.

We got close but never crossed that line. Never!

After we were married in 1982, I left the Navy December of 1983. Two years later, Sheryl was born, April 27, 1985. It was then that the power of producing children shook me to the core. My late Aunt Leona took one look at my beautify daughter and said, “It’s a good thing that you were married when Sheryl was born. You would not have been able to deny that this one is yours.”

She was right.

Children out of wedlock spoils the legitimacy of the biological parent’s relationship. The child is not illegitimate. The sex outside of marriage is illegitimate and when a child comes as a result, the virginity that was celebrated is lost forever. The difference was that you consented to have sex with someone that you love or with someone with hormones out of control without entering into a solemnized relationship.

Even with condoms, the RU486 morning after pill, and other contraceptives, when virginity is lost outside of marriage, the shame manifests in the same way. Interesting to note that RU486 is the same company that developed Zyclon B, the manufacturers that produced the gas that was used to exterminate the Jews during WW2.

No one that ever had sex outside of marriage escapes the shame.

No doubt, after the Lord gave away Eve like an earthly father would give away a daughter, Adam and Eve perhaps walked away to a secluded place. And not just to chat. The wedding was over! The reception? What reception? It was time to explore. And we are not talking about the Garden. Look. Adam watched his bride stroll in with God. You know that Eve seen Adam and gave him a smile as she strolled. It wasn’t one of those kinds of smile that seemed like she liked what she saw.

And it wasn’t the kind of walk that was reserved. Though it wasn’t a cat walk kind of thing, it was enough for Adam to drool. How do you know? You weren’t there. You are right I wasn’t but I was at my wedding, no doubt.

And when I saw my bride, yes! Yes! YEEESSSS!

She is mine.

Unlike Adam, I had a reception, But when you are a virgin and you never had a woman before, you want to find out what it is like to have a woman, just like a woman wants to know what it is like to have a man. You’ve saved yourself for this moment. Now all that is left is to…..enjoy the view.

Women loved to be touched. That’s a woman’s make up or sexual constitution. But they also love to connect as far as communication is concerned. Adam loves to touch. This is his make up or constitution. Yes, he likes to communicate but he communicates by analyzing, contemplating, cut to the chase with physical exploration.

When it came to losing their virginity, sex in the Garden of Eden probably was paradise. Notice, that verse 25 of Genesis 2 says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

Before sin entered their lives, they had no shame.

Interesting to note that the word, “ashamed” in the Hebrew means, “to pale.” According to Strong’s Greek/Hebrew Definitions, ashamed also means, by implication, “to be disappointed or delayed.” According to Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, ashamed means “(according to Hithpolel), to be ashamed before one another.”

They didn’t delay what they wanted to have. That is, Adam and Eve had that natural desire to lose their virginity. They weren’t ashamed. God gave Adam what he wanted and the rest is bedroom history. Virginity properly lost.

There were no inhibitions between Adam and Eve. Their virginity was pure and their sex was pure. Just as the Lord intended.

Why does the world celebrate the loss of their virginity outside the confines of holy matrimony?

It’s their right of passage that they are no longer celibate. Having experienced acting out sexually outside the confines of marriage is their breakaway from tradition, righteousness, and God. Not realizing that a world wind of trouble has been unleashed.

Women are more ashamed then men because men are men. Men know how to suppress the shame because it’s all about getting off. Most women want to do it right. However, men are very persuasive. And, men are liars.

Then there are women that hunt passively for male companionship. They want sex without the relationship. With other males in the work place, they sometimes believe that they can have the best of both worlds. Sex without marital ties. Male companionship without all the relational pains. Its also called cheap sex.

“Yo, baby. 9 o’clock, my pad.”

And that’s all some woman needs.

However, I tend to believe that this is on the low end because generally, women want to have a husband and have a family. Having a husband and a legitimate family is what gives a woman complete self worth and value. When she holds out and saves herself for the right man, her conscience is at ease and she finds a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that she accomplished a feat that evades a lot of women.

With the ratio between men and women at about 4 or 5 to 1 man, the competition to find a good man that will be faithful and responsible reduces as the days go by. Therefore, sometimes, a “what have I got to lose” mentality invades their thinking and they set off to lose what is valuable to them. The depraved part is that there’s a lot men that know that there are desperate women everywhere and will take advantage of their desperation.

As a result, many women end up regretting their sexual decisions.

It is not all the woman’s fault.

It is in a woman to mate with a man. However, men still don’t get it. Instead of doing it right, they go about it the wrong way. That’s why child support laws are the way they are. It takes two to go to bed and produce a child and by God’s design, it takes two opposite sex parents to properly raise a child.

We put the brunt of the blame on the women when they lose their virginity when males are equally, if not, more responsible. Males never look at it from a down the road perspective.

That’s because the immediacy of the orgasm is more important.

When a child is produced, the majority of them walk away because they were physically capable to get sex, but they somehow lose all competency when a child comes as a result.

That’s why I do not have any sympathy for a male that walks away and never takes care of his moral obligation to treat women better. That’s why the courts forces males to pay child support. The only way men survive is when they work off the books.

Which is just another way of circumventing their court order responsibility to care for their child, or children. The women are not supposed to be treated as commodity. They are persons with feelings and are worthy of the right kind of man that will take good care of them through thick and thin.

The courts show no sympathy for a male at all that make babies and refuse to care for them. The courts ruled correctly that a major portion of their check be garnished. Not as punishment, but to legally take a more than reasonable portion to ensure that the single parent can adequately care for the child.

Single ladies, before you get naked, think about what you are about to do. He smoothed talked you out of your clothes. In the back of your mind, you know that it’s bad, but the front of your mind says, this feels good. You feel that by giving him your body, he would stay with you forever.

Then the moment of truth comes. You missed your period. Or worse, as a male, you picked up an STD because he slept with another woman last night that passed the disease to him. Then he passes that same disease to you.

Or, you slept around with another man and gave him an STD.

Maybe you dodged a bullet.

But what happens even if you did dodge that bullet?

Is it possible that what is lost can never be regained?

What does the Bible say about it?

We all know what the Bible says even if you do not know a chapter or a verse.

Sin is sin.

There is no way around it.

To suppress the truth only emboldens a person to engage in more sexual immorality. The stigmatization of lost virginity, STDs, and pregnancies out of wedlock should have been enough to deter sexual immorality. However, the statistics prove otherwise. Where there is no fear, the dare or risk deceptively decreases.

Not to mention the emotion disconnect should your sexual partner is found not to be faithful unless it is just a one night stand.

All of these activities points to the safety of the sanctity of marriage. And yes, in marriage, people do get hurt too. Divorce for stupid reasons do happen. That’s because two people have yet to reach a place of maturity where they learn how to separate the issues from the relationship. How I love my spouse and how I deal with the issues of responsibility must be kept separate.

How we treat each other has nothing to do with the bills. I must learn how to keep the way I feel about my bills, what’s happening on the job, what’s happening with my siblings, and other issues separated from the way I love my spouse.

When two immature people act…well…immature, it’s like two little kids refusing to grow up and handle business like grown ups. Immaturity breeds immaturity. In all relationships, it’s about mutual respect, mutual compromise and sensible negotiations to make the marriage work.

It takes a love for each other to stay and be committed to the relationship. Life long commitment.

When it comes to sin, right is right and wrong is wrong.

If you went dow the path of no return when it comes to giving up your virginity, there is forgiveness from the Lord. The Lord already knew you would go down that path. There is no sense in covering it up and there is no sense in beating yourself over the head about it. It will only make it worse.

If you didn’t get a woman pregnant, you may have escaped a child out of wedlock, but you didn’t escape the fact that you sinned against God and His Word.

Young man, the power to procreate is an awesome experience. It’s not just the sex, although it is great, but it is the responsibility that comes afterwards should a child be produced.

That’s what men are aware of but it is at a distance. The way men react is so comical.

When a woman they had sex with comes with the news, they say, “You can’t be pregnant.”


What did you think was supposed to happen?

Then there is the one time that the “protection” you thought you had worked. Of the lady conveniently forgot to use feminine condoms or other forms of pregnancy prevention methods.

Now a child is on the way.

The one unfathomable solution.


The sacrifice of a baby to prevent or cover up the sin of fornication and avoid 20 years or more of any responsibility.

Not one young man that has sex with women fully understands the world of a woman until after they read some basic recommended material or they are told about some of the things women go through to copulate.

Men honestly think that women are complicated.


It’s not that way at all. Women are no more complicated than men.

It took me 30 years of marriage to figure all this out. Wished I had learned a whole lot sooner. It’s called male stubbornness.

Just as sinful.

Men refuse to take the time to ask the right questions or they are embarrassed to ask any questions. That’s because all men assume to be “know it alls” when they know nothing at all.

When it comes to sex, all a man wants is just that.


When it comes to losing your virginity, you may have accomplished something but more is lost.

Leave out a woman’s feeling. How to properly communicate with them instead of talking down to them. Never mind their needs. Throw out their lives as if they do not exist.
All they are is just a body to use for male domineering pleasure.

Far from the truth.

Men are just as complex. Simply because some of them, like me, never figure out how life really works until after we go through certain events that require we understand fully what life is all about. It’s only after the mistakes are made that the ramifications of our actions are actualized.

This is the most dysfunctional bunch of men on the planet and women are tired of being used the way they are being used. For once, a woman wants to be treated fairly. They want to be loved properly. They want their man to understand them. They want to be romanced. They want their man to be able to handle their responsibilities. They want their man to have a purpose and goal. They want their man to be able to take control of their lives and lead a family. They want their man to be involved with the children in properly rearing their child.

Some women are aware that men are ready for sex but they are not ready for relationship. This is partly why men wait to get married because they are not willing to admit that they need to be educated about women and relationships. It is very easy to have sex, but women know what most men fear. The pain of relationships and how to converse with a woman to have a normal conversation about everything.

Men keep things in because to uncover their weakness would make them feel small in the sight of their woman. It’s quite the contrary. A man’s vulnerability is sometimes taken advantaged of but in the right circumstances, such vulnerabilities is the place where a woman, as a good help meet, will be there to support her husband.

Therefore, the weak parts in a man’s masculinity in a man is not about losing face when he can’t be masculine. It shows that he allows his wife to share in his struggles, weakness, and inabilities. This kind of vulnerability brings out the best in a woman in the sense that she makes up the difference when needed the most.

Yes, while these areas seem unrelated to virginity, they are connected.

So, before you lose your virginity, look at all that you are about to encounter. Look at what you need to consider. I know that most people are already bent on losing their virginity, but you do not have to join the club unless you are prepared to get married.

Please listen to any of our broadcast on Secret Sexual Sins on

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