Help Me! I Have The Hots For My Pastor.

“Oh! He is good looking.”

“I wonder if he is married?”

“Maybe I’ll sit closer to the front so he could notice me.”

“I don’t care how good looking his wife is, I’ll get him to notice me. A nice hot, red looking, low cleavage dress is always an eye grabber.”

In churches all across the United States, women are mesmerized by slick, clean looking, handsome pastors. Mind you, that not all pastors look hot but the anointing can dress a person up.

I find that pastors do not make it easy for women either because there are plenty of “player pastors” that pervert the pulpit on the level of Hophni and Phinehas.

While everyone’s minds ought to be on God and the Word, sometimes males and females come for one reason other than the Lord and His Word.

As I was doing my studies on sexuality, I came across an intriguing story. There was a woman, a pastor’s wife, that got caught in a pastoral scandal.

Obviously, it appeared that she was disconnected from her husband. But her husband was caught in a sex scandal himself.

He gave up the pastorate and moved to another state. They found a local church to be a part of to heal their wounds. They didn’t look to become pastors. They just wanted to reconnect with the Lord and with themselves. They came across a church where the wife felt she could connect with the pastor. The pastor’s wife, for whatever reason, seems like she couldn’t reconnect with her husband.

Or the husband couldn’t reconnect with his wife.

She turned to her new single male pastor for counseling.

Predictably, the new male pastor seemingly took advantage of an emotionally charged woman.

It is possible that the disconnect put a strain on the marriage to where there was little to no sex.

Or so it seems.

As always, one thing leads to another.

From a handshake across the pastor’s desk, to sitting on the couch, sobbing on the pastor’s shoulder. From holding hands, to embracing. From an innocent peck on the cheek, to full petting. From petting, to the bedroom.

All I’m saying is that ladies, if the pastor is a man of God, he should not be using his professional ministerial capacity to get opportunistic sex from anyone. And on the other side, women should never be looking to “connect” by being counseled by male pastors alone.

There is no question that women desire to connect with men of power and are readily deceived with smooth words from a snake.

Male pastors are vulnerable too. Vulnerable in the sense that sense ruled pastors cannot pass up an opportunity to use their personality to get into an emotionally disarmed woman.

The game is simple, get into a woman’s head and you have a chance to get into her in bed. Intimacy is connection, connection is intimacy, spirit, soul, and body.

In a way, when male pastors believe that they are a woman’s “covering,” it is a door that is about to be opened into the bedroom of a “predator” or a “wanderer.”

It is very easy to assume that the woman was the victim but I am not surprised at all when a woman knowingly play an innocent role to get as “close” to the pastor as possible. It’s known that women enter the chat room and then attempt to “hook up.”

In other words, they “act out” their connection with sex.

Young single male pastors in most church will have a house full of young women. There is no question that women will outnumber the attendance of men in church.

The Lord is not pleased when you come to church prepared to lust after your pastor.

Especially if he is married.

Double especially if you already have a husband.

You need to remember your marriage vows to your spouse before you get into trouble.

Women need to control their emotions and the male pastors, single and married, need to control their hormones. They also need to employ successful strategies to avoid at all cost the hint of sexual immorality.

There is always a scandal behind the scandal. Holiness is not just something to preach about. Holiness is about pleasing the Lord on a moment by moment basis.

Never counsel women alone.

If you are married, make sure your wife is there. If at all possible, if she has the call of God on her life, let her handle the women. If not, if she is not able to counsel women, find a church mother that has spiritual experience to handle those hot honeys that come to disrupt the holy house of God.

Pastor, if you are married, esteem your wife regularly in front of your congregation. Healthy, tactful displays of affection in front of the congregation reinforces your commitment to the one woman in your life. The intent is not to make women envious or jealous. The intent is to honor and esteem your wife as the second lover of your life.

This display shows that you have no intention of leaving her. When it’s done regularly, this gives your wife all the security she needs. Other women will try to get in on this but you just give them a handshake and keep it moving. Anything more and it’s nothing but trouble.

Remember what Paul said, “Neither give place to the devil.” Ephesians 4:27.

If you cannot come to that church with God on your mind, you need to leave that church, or talk to someone that can help you put cold water on the fire raging within you.

You cannot have the hots for a pastor. IF he is single, if hasn’t approached you, you need to keep back 1000 feet. God will make things happen in your favor. If not, be patient. God will bring someone in your life that was looking for you all along.

Trust the Lord and do not doubt what He is able and willing to do just for you.

Why Do Men Wait To Get Married?

By Fred C. Rochester. Copyright  2011. All Rights Reserved.

Why do men wait to get married?

Cold feet?

Sour nerves?

Scared stiff?

There are two basic reasons which we will get to in a moment, but the descriptions listed above are shallow reasons why males never commit to one woman. Yes, there is something much deeper that keeps him from picking the woman of his dreams.

1. Relationship Phobia

Sometimes males that were in bad relationships often shy away from commitment. As big and bad a man is, the mistimed and misunderstood words of a woman can cut him to pieces. Especially when a male fails to do right by the woman and the female let him have it. Or the female is found to do somethings and it gets to him. He pursues the issue with her and he gets cut up real bad.

In frustration and anger, he storms out of the relationship and hides for a long time.

Where does he hide?

It ranges from, the “man cave” to watch porn and gratify himself, to the bosom of another woman. Or he takes a walk to let some steam off.

As you can see, there are two sides to any relationship.

Male and female must learn to properly communicate in a relationship if there is any chance for the relationship to survive. Granted, we all know how to be nice when we want something or someone but when we are not in a good mood or we were burned once, or, perhaps we’ve had a bad day, we turn off the charm.

When a male doesn’t want to communicate, he completely shuts down. When it comes to communicatory relationships, men rarely score high in this area.

We males shut down or give very short answers.


Sometimes the short answers will not make sense, or is confusing, or fails to satisfy the female’s inquisition, interrogation, desire to understand what her mate is trying to communicate.

This is what a man feels when a woman is very aggressive in her questioning.

It is her way of attempting to get her point across that the tone of questioning has the potential of making the man feel inferior. If a man did wrong, he should be questioned. However, timing is everything. So the man goes toe to toe and fires back or walks away in silence while being screamed at.

Short answers is a signal that he is not in a communicating mood and he does not want to talk further about the situation, for now.

As unfair it is to the female, this is not something that she should have to put up with.

Communication is a two way street.

So many couples fail in communicatory relationships because of the bullheaded unwillingness of the male to steer his anger elsewhere and talk about the issue. The other side of the failure is the never ending insistence and persistence of the female to pull on a man to tell it all. When two bullheaded persons are at it, it makes for drama. In the end, where there is no grace to resolve the issue, both are exasperated, and they have had enough.

In either case, both of them are not right.

Some will say that it is not the man’s fault that he doesn’t want to talk about the issue and it’s not the woman’s fault for attempting to pull out of him something that he may not be ready to deal with.

This is frustrating to a woman because females were designed for communicatory relationships. It is very easy for them to talk because that’s their make up. Communication is their main line that feeds and fosters connections to people. How they communicate and what is communicated is another story.

Connection is important to females because when it comes to value, worth, and esteem, how they connect and who they connect with gives them a sense of value. To be desired, loved, and wanted is necessary for them. Therefore, it is their main form of self expression.


Men can be lonely, disconnected, and isolated. When a female comes around, within a man, he brightens up the moment she is in ear or eyesight. The right words at the right time could ease the tension in the heart and mind of a man. The wrong words at the wrong time could destroy a man.

In her godly ability to communicate is the ability to nurture, build up, and esteem her mate.

When demonically inspired, it can destroy a man.

When a male is coming out of past relationships, it takes a male longer to heal because in the soul of a man is the ability to compartmentalize. The soul of a man is deep and has many places where he could store wounds, bad episodes, and drama. When I say deep. I am not kidding. He could be bleeding inside and you, as a woman may or may not be aware of it.

When he is not ready to talk about it, it’s because he is protecting two essential things in him. His image called “male ego” and his ability to “handle his business.” If these two things are disturbed in any way, his weakness is revealed and his manhood is ridiculed.

Women are emotionally designed to relate and connect. For a male not to relate is a clear indication that there is something deeply imbedded within him that he will not pull up until healing occurs. At the right moment, when he feels safe he will tell all.

2. Playing The Field

The woman of his “dreams” is a sex object found in porn, loose women, scantily clad women that walk the streets, leaving nothing to be desired, or conservative dressing woman that he easily undresses with his shameful mind, the bathing suit women on magazine stands and clothing catalogues (substitute porn), and his world of false intimacy and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, deeply rooted in his flesh and wild imagination.

He would never, in his right mind, marry an immoral woman because of her seductive qualities that attract a better looking man than himself.

In all actuality the real woman of his dreams is always found on the communicative relationship connection. She knows his heart, not just what’s below his waist. Her inner qualities of understanding him is the true attraction. He can confide in her because her heart is after God.

She gives to him what no other woman is qualified or graced to give.

Godly counsel from the Lord.

Cheap sex is demonically and deceptively “safer” for a man because he will not have to engage in fostering an ongoing relationship. There is no reason for this ungodly activity because it only leads to more sin and it further darkens his callous spirit. Through these activities, he is deceived into thinking that this is his only way of releasing sexual tension and achieving satisfaction. Through sin, he believes that he can resolve his issues. In sin, there is no satisfaction or resolution. Only remorse and death (see Romans 6:23 and James 1:14-15).

Sexual intercourse between male and female is designed and authorized within the marriage to physically express their deep love for each other, and to help married couples stay bonded, spirit, soul, and body.

When a man has had many women, he is soul tied to many women and will never escape the spiritual and emotional connections that ultimately disconnects him from God. As long as a man is spiritual disconnected from God, he cannot truly connect to a woman.


It’s called “holy matrimony.”

Godly soul ties is a benefit of marriage that keeps the entire relationship safe.

According to a report, if a man that is married engages in an adulterous relationship, he opens himself to an aggressive form of prostate cancer.

When it comes to immorality, the measure of the kind of woman that he wants is only from one place.

What he wants in his bedroom is only for self satisfaction purposes, and is only for healing emotional wounds and pains. He is using the reward drug “dopamine” as a medicinal property to heal such wounds inflicted in past relationships.

This is sin according to Matthew 5:27-28.

When a man is still a “player,” he will continue to do so for a couple of reasons.

1. He plays the hearts of single women looking for a husband.

He says the key words that make a vulnerable and almost desperate woman, give up the store.

“I love you. You look gorgeous. I’ll take care of you.”

2. He throws money, dinner, and nice things at her to keep her interested as a means of making sure she doesn’t go to anyone else.

Sadly, many woman do not even get to the altar to get married. They hold on and hold out for so long, and they never get to turn their dreams into reality.

Most women will not walk away from a conniving male. Some will throw themselves away sexually in an attempt to keep him because of these unfulfilled “promises.” Sadly, they are willing to put up with his loose living just to have somebody.

It’s sad that a woman of value will endure a long bad relationship that she knows is going no where just to say that “at least I have a man.” There comes a point where lying to yourself is a revelation of a longing in your heart for the situation to turn for the better, knowing that you are being held back.

God has better for you. And you know it.

The one thing that is in women is the ability to “trust.” Words, even deceptive words and empty promises are held on to forever.

Why do males do this?

When there are other women that use their “femininity” to make men bow down at their altar of lust, it is a form of power over a weak willed man. In essence, it is the player in reverse. This is the other side of the spectrum. The Bible calls these kinds of women, “the immoral woman’ (see Proverbs 5:3, 20, 7:5, 22:14).

But the moral woman suffers more because they are doing their best to live godly and hold themselves. Almost to the point of being penalized for being godly. We must remember, that the Lord sees what you are doing and He will reward you for your faithfulness to Him. And it seems like the men get away with it everyday. But that is not the case. Men pay for their mistakes.

Every male that has planted a seed in the ground of immorality always gets a bumper crop harvest (see Galatians 6:7-8).

Not one male has ever failed to receive the reward of the wicked according to Romans 6:23.

Ask any man that made the “mistake” and never paid for it.

It is just a matter of time.

Babies out of wedlock, STDs, and other issues. Child support and hospital visits to ease the pain of STDs. Condoms is the lie of the century. It’s just a matter of time when failure will occur. Your number is sure to come up because the failure rate is higher than the government figures are willing to release.

And sooner or later, you will get tired of stopping to put one on. You want live action. Fool, it’s just a matter of time. And guess who pays for the mistake more than males?

Women. And the children born if they make it past abortion, foster homes, and abandonment.

Ladies, if you would do one thing. Make him work for it, you will show that you are more valuable than you think. Make him put a ring on your finger and stay faithful to you.

If you really want to show your “power” over a male, all you have to do is shut it down. You are not supposed to give up your virginity any way because your virginity is sacred. Your virginity is worth more than all the gold and money on the earth. Your stock would soar when you demand marriage.

Sadly, we all know what happens. Another loose woman comes along and gives him sex and the fool hearty male will watch the fruit of his years go by. Looking at another generation of children brought into the world to continue the sad cycle of a generational curse.

Males won’t get married because they feel that when they are tied to one woman, they cannot have the fun of sex without relational wounds. However, as time progress, they will have to learn how to relate.

I read a story of a man that played the field. For years he would deceive women until one day, at age 60, he decides to settle down. Males marry late because he is able to deceive single women and get only one thing from them.


By the time they are 35 and 40, they decide to settle on one woman. They have children and he is running around after children late in life. Both the husband and wife, at age 40+, is chasing after 3 and 4 year olds. Too tired to be the kind of parents they need to be.

Granted, the economic conditions of our times is not helping people make early decisions to get married in their 20’s and start a family before 25. The cost of living is incredible. We are seeing unemployment at staggering rates. The poverty rate for 2010/2011 is at 15.1%.

For African Americans, the unemployment rate is double that of whites at between 16 and 18%.

The economic conditions of our day has certainly put a delay on getting married early. However, males still play the field for free. It’s called “cheap sex.” Sex without marital price.

What is the answer to this because there are many single women looking to get married but the males are unresponsive. Throw into the mix the fact that males are now entering into either bisexual relationships or out right homosexual relationships. This further erodes the chances for single women to find an available male.

The answer is clear.

Everyone must return to the Lord. Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Establishing a relationship with the Father, through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. This is where it all starts. The Bible is consistent that when people turn to the Lord, the conditions change. The starting point is repentance. The maintenance part is regularly worshipping God. Fellowshipping with the saints of God and practicing the Word of God.

You never know when the Lord will bring you to a place where a man is waiting on you to marry.

If you are in the NYC area, we invite you to attend our service as a guest. Please click the link below for directions to our local church.

We look forward to serving you as our guest at Prevailing Word Ministries, in the matchless name of Jesus!

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