Help! I’m Sexually Attracted To My Pastor

March 8, 2012

Too often, we only hear the pastor’s side of the scandal.

Some pastor’s have lust burning in their hearts. Some pastors engage in porn and self gratification. Some pastors look for sexual connections with parishioners. Some pastors are smitten when a bomb shell comes their way. Some pastors are ready to walk away from their wives in search for connections else where.

There is no question that certain women are smitten by smooth talking, good looking male preachers. Even if they are married. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter.

Very few hear the woman’s side of the scandal.

1. Fact. Women look for connection.

2. Fact. Women are attracted to men in power and influence.

3. Fact. Women will sacrifice their bodies to achieve fulfillment, value, and self worth.

4. Fact. Women want what married women enjoy- to be loved, appreciated, and cared for by men.

5. Fact. Women use their beauty as a powerful tool of influence over men.

If these facts are to be refuted as non sense, then why does adultery take place in the church among pastors and Christian women?

Attraction is dangerous under the wrong conditions, however, too many are willing to risk it all for a one time sexual encounter with a pastor, married or not. This kind of behavior is unacceptable but it still happens because of a lack of inner discipline.

Sexual attraction is extremely dangerous for anyone that is tempted and cannot control their urges and impulses. Let alone, their eyes and their hidden feelings towards someone in a position of power and influence.

Unbridled lust and evil passions must be subdued, especially in the church.

We see that attraction to your married pastor is dead wrong. He is off limits. And even if he wasn’t married, he is still off limits. If that single pastor is called to be an eunuch, which is very rare, he is off limits (see Matthew 19:11-12).

While it is very difficult to harness your feelings when you are single, it is important for you to remember that if you are saved, your relationship with the Lord must be first and foremost. Your feelings must be subdued with prayer, fasting, and with acting or putting into practice the Word of God. Whatever emotional feelings of affections that you may have towards your pastor, they must be cast down according to 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.

Unfortunately, this is easier said than done because pastors do not make it easy. Especially if there is some kind of connection (daily and close personal interaction) that is one step away from disaster.

The repercussions and stigmatization placed upon a woman bent on crossing the line of being a home and church wrecker is not worth the effort.

Blame is to be imposed on the pastor that fails to exercise discipline or if the pastor is a “people person” with great personality and charisma.

One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that as a man of God is preaching, the atmosphere is spiritually and emotionally charged. Sadly, it’s more emotionally charged.

Here’s the reason.

We are spirit and soul beings that live in a container. The spirit and soul are both eternal. However, the soul is more analytical, rational, and emotional. The born again spirit loves to worship and praise God. The Spirit of God leads our spirit man into the presence of the Lord and something lasting happens.

The lasting thing that happened is that we have encountered the Lord and something changed within us that brought us closer to the Lord, and deepened our relationship with Him.

And we get a bonus.

Our spirit man is already changed by the new birth except the spirit man receives glimpses of revelation and insight into understand more about God because He is Spirit.

The soul gains revelation and something in the soul changes in terms of how we respond to God. A renewing of the mind takes place that demands that we no longer think a certain way that goes against the Word of God.

The body is disciplined so as not to violate the Word of God once revelation is received. Therefore, revelation, once acted upon in true obedience, brings us into a deeper relationship with God.

The bonus is that the soul gains an understanding and becomes exuberant or extremely joyous. So as the soul experiences some measure of satisfaction and joy, because joy is an emotion, our bodies, as they are presented to the Lord gets in on the exuberance.

What then happens is that if we are not careful, if we let our emotions (male and female) go unchecked, this is where thoughts and human will power are the most vulnerable. That’s why the Word of God is used as a check because when the soul is opened up, if there is no guidance from the Scriptures or obedience to the Scriptures during the time a person is open to the Word of God, there is a tremendous opportunity for a person to be taken advantaged of.

Jesus and Paul gives very powerful insights as to how we are to control our urges and impulses.

In Matthew 26:41, Jesus said, “Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.”

In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but might through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

Paul also said in Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23 to be “transformed by the renewing of your minds” and “be renewed in the spirit of your mind…”

So both the pastor and the women must engage in prayer, constantly engage in a purging of the mind by casting down reasonings that attempt to exalt itself against the knowledge of God, and to constantly renew the mind and the spirit of your minds with the Word of God.

Married and single (eunuch) pastors would do well to employ an array of safeguards to avoid traps set up by the enemy. It’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. Just as there are predatory pastors, there are predatory women.

There’s two classes.

1. The Jezebel Woman. Her only goal is to achieve spiritual power and control by sacrificing her body. As long as the man (Ahab) is in power, she rules. Even after having one sexual encounter, for a Jezebel, she is only concerned about one thing, how much power she could wield. Even after the anointing has left off of the pastor, she will find a way to make it seem as if he is still anointed.

2. The Immoral Woman. They are either adulterers or fornicators. Their only goal is connection. They too, will also sacrifice their bodies to achieve connection, sexual satisfaction (orgasm/dopamine), love, acceptance, and worth.

The immoral women will serve as a direct or indirect attack from the devil. Indirect in the sense that they are looking only to fulfill their own needs. Direct attacks are ones that receive direct orders from the devil to go after a specific target. Some of you may not believe it but look at what happened to Peter after he got revelation from the Father in Matthew chapter 16. Also when Judas was about to betray the Lord, satan entered into him in Luke 22:3 and John 13:27.

I cannot easily classify the next issue because this is the more common occurrence in the church.

Emotional Unstable Women.

The predatory pastor is always on the lookout to take advantage of these kinds of women. Unsuspecting emotionally charged women cannot be fully blamed because by nature, they are willing, and their emotions could flip from feeling pain to receiving and falling into sexual temptation.

And pastors knows this. When pastors play the “script” of a caring pastor, predator pastors turn on the charm and before you know it, they are in bed. The emotionally charged woman is swept off her feet and before you know it, they have sinned.

Then there are the rapist pastors that use strong-arm tactics to demand sex and spiritually warn them not to mention it to anyone. Predatory pastors use every tool, including spiritual words similar to the Bible to justify their Secret Sexual Sins.

Before, during, and after service, most people already come with an agenda to accomplish. If they are already filled in their minds about being attracted to a married pastor, then there is nothing that could be done except to pray that the pastor has safeguards in place to prevent sexual immorality.

We also know that women outnumber men in church attendance, so the attraction meter is off the scale.

For single women, it is very challenging.

In a large venue (mega church) it is not as dangerous but it is still potentially dangerous because under the right set of circumstances and happenstance, emotional atmospheres has a way of igniting “sparks” under the “right” conditions.

Again, a pastor’s most vulnerable point is when the service is over. Emotionally drained, mentally and spiritually depleted, he could be caught off guard and that’s how the enemy sets a sex trap. When you are upon the mountain top, the descent from His presence is very treacherous if the proper safeguards are not in place.

When there is an expenditure of the human spirit, there must be replenishment, protection, and wisdom deposited back into the vessel.

Even during service, where women sit and what they wear is part of the process of sexual attraction. Pastors that fail to exercise spiritual discipline in their secret lives are prone to these kinds of attacks from the enemy (satan).

What is done after service is the tale of the tape for many pastors. Where they go, who they see, what they do at home, what they watch on the street and on the TV? All these factors determines how well a pastor replenishes, protects, and apply his or her heart unto wisdom to steer clear of sexual temptation.

As a woman, it is important for you to understand that you need to exercise caution. There is very little that you can do if a pastor is lust minded but you must also be aware that what you do, say, and wear are signals to any man. You cannot get into the mind of a man and make him change his thoughts. It’s not your fault. However, you can have an understanding about how men think.

Femininity is power and women will use it to their advantage.

Seduction is power and women will use it to their advantage.

The church must not be the place where these powers attempt to distract the pastor. On the other hand, sinful pastors are already sinfully minded and he will yield to sexual temptation any way.

So what happens in church under the “right” sinful conditions set by attraction and seduction?

First, a man of God is anointed by the Lord. When he is ministering under a strong anointing, the Holy Spirit can make any unattractive vessel very attractive. He could be a five hundred pound individual, yet, the anointing makes him look good.

It is known that after an immoral encounter, whatever esteem you had for that pastor is gone. However, because a connection took place, and because you want to keep the relationship going, you will suppress the guilt and shame.

Second, after yielding to sexual temptation, you will be saying, “What in the world have I done?”

At the same time, what feelings, good, or whatever were experienced, sometimes it has a way of suppressing the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin within you. This is where you do not want to be because no sin is justified in the eyes of the Lord and that’s how delusional thinking becomes a stronghold in the mind of a woman that desires to do everything possible to stay with that man based on an unjustified, sinful soul tie.

Listen closely to what Proverbs 30:20 says,

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”

Sex to her is like eating and enjoying the meal, guiltless.

RECOMMENDATIONS

That’s why it is important for a woman that is having these attractions to consider getting counseling. Not from that pastor whom she may be attracted to. And not with his wife. Consider approaching a trusted elderly church mother. Someone with God’s Word and wisdom that can help you understand some things about yourself.

Consider leaving that church and finding another church. Put some distance to regain the real reason why you go to church. Enter into times of prayer, fasting, and meditating on the Word to keep your mind from entertaining thoughts about that pastor you may be attracted to.

Engage in activities that intentionally distract you from thoughts of sexual immorality. Find a group of sanctified women that is involved in Christ centered activities.

From the women’s prospective, it is important for the church to raise up godly women that bring honor and praise to the Lord.

Church, it’s time to be holy even as He is holy.

To hear more about sexual immorality, MOAB in the Church, please listen to our groundbreaking series on Secret Sexual Sins at www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1

2 responses to Help! I’m Sexually Attracted To My Pastor

  1. 

    Pastor Fred,

    Fantastic! I just wanted you to know that I continue to read your posts. Thanks for writing on topics that others are not touching on.

    Jeff Fisher

    • 

      Thanks Pastor Jeff. It’s good to hear from you. We appreciate your gracious comment and we pray that God would continue to pierce the hearts to bring healing, reconciliation, and restoration in the lives of those that are trapped. God bless you, your wife, and ministry.